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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS14 having sex

214 replies

Miraclemumtobe · 05/05/2019 21:57

I could do with some outside perspective on this....

About a month ago I found out DS14 is having sex with his girlfriend, also 14. I discovered this whilst checking his phone (he is aware I periodically check) as she said her period was late!!
Cue massive panic but after I calmed down we had a frank discussion about being too young as well as using protection.

This has fallen on deaf ears as she had another pregnancy scare this month, thankfully just a scare, and I'm torn as to whether I should have a chat with her parents about what's going on.

They are aware they are alone together in their house on odd occasions that I knew about as I stupidly trusted themselves to behave.

I obviously can't stop them from seeing each other but is it my place to let her parents know?
I don't know the parents that well but I do have her dads number for emergency contact.
Her grandmother knows as after this last pregnancy scare she confided in her & she bought her a test.

What do I do??

OP posts:
Surfingtheweb · 05/05/2019 22:00

It won't be welcomed by your son or his gf but if they won't use protection & keep having scares then I would 100% tell her parents, she should get the contraceptive implant, that way she doesn't have to do anything, she will be protected for 3 years. I'd rather this than a teen pregnancy.

dementedpixie · 05/05/2019 22:01

Have you given the safe sex talk? Do they use condoms?

MyKingdomForBrie · 05/05/2019 22:08

I would tell them that if they don't start practicing safe sex you will have to talk to her parents. Hopefully that will scare them into sorting it out.

I would also scare the bejeezus out of DS by describing in gruesome detail his life as a father at age 14.

EmmaC78 · 05/05/2019 22:10

Have you given the safe sex talk?

It says in the post that she did.

OP I would tell the parents. Looks like they are not taking your advice and pregnancy at 14 would be life changing.

Original poster
Miraclemumtobe · 05/05/2019 22:12

I'm kind of passed the point of caring what DS thinks on this as he clearly won't listen to my point of using protection not just for pregnancy but STIs - I have worked in sexual health clinics so have seen it all!

I've also told him they can go to the family planning clinic, I'd drive them there, to get contraceptive but she doesn't want this for reasons not known.

There just doesn't seem to be a sense of concern in either of them although I've not directly spoken to her hence my predicament as to speak with her parents or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Miraclemumtobe · 05/05/2019 22:14

Just to add I have a 7 month old so he is well aware of what babies involve.
Scarily, when she has been to our house she loves the baby - hope this isn't some ploy to actually get pregnant purposely Confused

OP posts:
NannyRed · 05/05/2019 22:16

You do realise it’s illegal to have sex with a girl under 16?

Your son could end up on some sex offender list!

Just saying.

Macandcheese05 · 05/05/2019 22:17

i would tell her DPs. a few weeks of him being pissed off VS a lifetime with a baby or infertility from an STI. or even her getting pregnant and her parents pressing charges and it being on his record forever (im unsure the legal rules on this). easy choice.

Zebedee88 · 05/05/2019 22:18

Isn't it illegal? Even though they're both underage? I might be wrong though. Maybe find the legal facts. Does her parents actually know that they're sleeping together?

Mintandthyme · 05/05/2019 22:18

I would absolutely tell her parents.
And I would tell him that I am telling them.

Windygate · 05/05/2019 22:19

Sadly I think she is trying to get pregnant and is likely to succeed. I'd speak to her father

ReganSomerset · 05/05/2019 22:19

Could be that she wants to get pregnant as you say, it has happened before and will again.

Original poster
Miraclemumtobe · 05/05/2019 22:19

I'm well aware Nanny and so is he after I informed him.
This is a reason why I'm hesitant to tell her parents as they could persue that route which obviously I do not want to happen.

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 05/05/2019 22:19

I would be very upfront and tell them that their 14 year old daughter has had 2 pregnancy scares with your son.

DM1209 · 05/05/2019 22:21

Illegality works both ways, for him AND for her, both are underage.

That aside, I would absolutely be speaking to her parents, a pregnancy scare once, ok, but twice and her refusal for contraception.... it simply isn't worth the risk.

You also don't know if they are sexually active with other people which poses another huge risk.
Talk to her parents and keep talking to your son! At 14 his head should be in his impending GCSE's and a future that doesn't involve adult relationships and possibly teen pregnancies. If that means you play the bad guy, so be it.

helpmum2003 · 05/05/2019 22:22

Nannyred they are both breaking the law!!

Anyway that's irrelevant as similar age partners consenting is not prosecuted. And most importantly the pregnancy and STI risk. How frightening OP.

I would ask to speak to both of them together and find out the full story from both of them.

I would likely speak to her parents as they are very immature and selfishly your son needs protecting! May be worth speaking to someone at school?

waltersdog · 05/05/2019 22:22

He would not be prosecuted, from the fpa website:

DS14 having sex
Solasum · 05/05/2019 22:23

Can you leave condoms in his room?

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 22:24

Yeah you need to speak to her parents. I was pregnant at 15, started having sex at 14. He was 15. I was madly in love with my boyfriend and we were having sex any where we could.

My step mother took me to the GP and I was out in the pill. But I didn’t take it properly resulting in dd1 who is now 24.

What both of our parents should have done is sat us down and urged us to stop. To talk to us individually about what we were doing, what the consequences were, that we should wait if we truly loved and respected each other. That we should focus on our education and try and cool off. To help us understand that we were not mentally ready or mature enough to have a sexual relationship and all the emotional and physical things it entailed. They needed to invest serious time on us.

They let us just get on with it being ‘cool’ parents because at least ‘we were being safe’ Hmm

I’d be so concerned why she doesn’t want contraception- maybe she is already pregnant or wanting to get pregnant. You really need to pull your son out of this OP

ReganSomerset · 05/05/2019 22:24

I wouldn't have thought that he'd actually be charged with a crime, provided the sex was consensual. It's be wildly sexist to hold a fourteen year old boy more accountable for sex than his consenting fourteen year old partner. Just tell the parents, OP.

ReganSomerset · 05/05/2019 22:25

It'd, not it's

Original poster
Miraclemumtobe · 05/05/2019 22:25

Thanks for the insight all and the extract Waltersdog.

My mind is made up to let her parents know the situation.

Next question...how the hell do I have the conversation parents. Where do I even begin?

OP posts:
Arnoldthecat · 05/05/2019 22:27

You need to speak to her parents. She needs to have a contraceptive implant or similar. The consequences of an unplanned pregnancy at this age dont bear thinking about.

hinely · 05/05/2019 22:29

Surely the police would have leeway if it's consensual sex between two 14yos - otherwise they'd be arresting thousands of under 16s.

Mintandthyme · 05/05/2019 22:29

You text her father asking him to calll you; that you need to speak to him as a matter of urgency.

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