DS14 having sex

[Miraclemumtobe]

I could do with some outside perspective on this....

About a month ago I found out DS14 is having sex with his girlfriend, also 14. I discovered this whilst checking his phone (he is aware I periodically check) as she said her period was late!!
Cue massive panic but after I calmed down we had a frank discussion about being too young as well as using protection.

This has fallen on deaf ears as she had another pregnancy scare this month, thankfully just a scare, and I'm torn as to whether I should have a chat with her parents about what's going on.

They are aware they are alone together in their house on odd occasions that I knew about as I stupidly trusted themselves to behave.

I obviously can't stop them from seeing each other but is it my place to let her parents know?
I don't know the parents that well but I do have her dads number for emergency contact.
Her grandmother knows as after this last pregnancy scare she confided in her & she bought her a test.

What do I do??

@00100001 no blind spots on our fields and all the toilets are open plan!

I am merely saying that it's the girl who will have to go through childbirth or an abortion and will be left as a young single parent if she does have a child with him.

You're right about childbirth or an abortion. You have no way of knowing if the last part is true or not, you're making assumptions.

As I said, OP is the one taking action, unlike the gf's dad or gran. So I'm not sure why you took such a nasty judgemental tone with her.

"and all the toilets are open plan!"

they surely have doors n them though?

*Hence, ridiculous suggestion.•

Good job I didn't suggest it then.

ASauvignonADay so at your school no child has ever bunked off? Ever?

I don't believe that for a second.

Aprillygirl you suggested it was as simple as banning contact. I suggested many reasons why it wasn't feasible.

You don't have teenagers do you?

Yes tell the parents and ask for you all to get together and discuss this round the table. Also remind them it is illegal!

good luck

@InTheHeatofLisbon yes off site and god knows what they're doing then.. but very rarely on site. I can see how in an old building it might be easier to sneak off and hide but in an open building, cameras everywhere, registers in every lesson.. it's not as easy to just bunk off like when I was at school!

Anyway OP hope the conversation with the dad goes well

Totally doing the right thing contacting her dad they're not respecting either of you

Both far too young for sex

ASauvignonADay I didn't mean kids were having sex on site, my comment was meant to illustrate that kids who are determined will find a way to see each other and that at school they'll see each other and could easily bunk off.

In response to "just say no" which is fine in theory but in reality just not enforceable.

Are there really cameras everywhere? I've not come across that before (not doubting you, just surprised tbh)

IntheheatofLisbon I am 99.9 % sure that two 14yr olds will remain together for life. I am exasperated with OP as she is the parent who is aware of what's going on but has done nothing about it. I said that grounding her son would make it more difficult for him to see the girl,not that it would stop it. And I have 5 kids,3 of whom are teenagers and two in their early 20's.

*will not remain together.

@InTheHeatofLisbon ah I see. I thought you meant literally on site which I find quite unlikely in our setting. Not doubting it happens elsewhere I suppose.

And yes, cameras in every 'public' space just not in classrooms, but students can't access classrooms without a key card. I think that is fairly standard now in secondaries.

If my daughter was having unprotected sex which had already lead to 2 false alarms, I would want to know.

I realise I wrote it badly ASauvignon , I meant they could see each other in school and plan to bunk off. But I realise it wasn't clear.

Aprilly wow, really? Fair enough.

I think the parents who don't bother to keep tabs on their kids are far worse than OP, but you've clearly got some kind of issue with her. I disagree, and in actual fact she is doing something about it.

My mum was very much a "just don't do it" foot down mum. About a lot of things.

She didn't realise until I was an adult that that meant that 90% of the time she didn't have a clue where I was, who I was with and what I was doing.

I did wonder about cameras in classrooms! I'd have hated that as a kid!

It seems a sensible set up you have though. DSDs school have cameras outside but not inside, and DS1s don't have any (both secondary) but it might not be a bad idea!

all the toilets are open plan!

They surely have doors n them though

On the cubicles, but you'd be surprised how open plan they can be. The ones I've seen are basically recesses on the walls of corridors with cubicles and sinks in. Unisex and no wall to make it a separate room at all.

she probably is resisting going to the family planning clinic because she's 14 and embarrassed about sex

More likely that she thinks contraception will make her gain weight. Many young girls believe that the Pill, implant etc will make them get fat ...and consequently they risk pregnancy . Crazy thinking, but that's teenagers for you.

I'd drive them there, to get contraceptive but she doesn't want this for reasons not known ... There just doesn't seem to be a sense of concern in either of them Do you think she wants to get pregnant?

@InTheHeat Obviously parents who don't bother with their kids are worse, but they're not here so that's a pretty pointless comment. And to say that I clearly have some issue with OP is quite frankly bizarre.

It's illegal!!

Windygate

Sadly I think she is trying to get pregnant and is likely to succeed. I'd speak to her father”

Er, she’s not trying on her own is she? Condoms? They both need to take responsibility for their own protection.

Nightmare. 14 is generally way too young for a sexual relationship. If they won’t listen to you you’ll need to talk to her parents. I would have wanted you to have told me if it had been my daughter.

Why would only he end up on the register if they’re both 14? I don’t think that’s right but if it is that’s horrendously discriminatory.

Aprillygirl your initial post was rude and aggressive, you've made unfounded generalised statements about her son which was unfair and unecessary

If that's you not having an issue with someone, god knows what you'd say when you have!