Partner has admitted to gambling 70k worth of debt

[Windiepanda2018]

Partner of 13 years (we are not married) however have 2 children a house (which is in his name only) and a baby on the way I’m 24 week’s pregnant. Before people start telling me that I’m financially leaving myself open I know but I guess in this instance it’s been a bit of a blessing.

DP has broken down tonight and basically confessed to gambling a lot of money, all the savings, racked up roughly 70k worth of debt. We were due to remortgage in the next few months I was looking to go on the mortgage obviously for financial security and we were going to take a bit of cash out to do some jobs on the house as we have a bit of equity in the property.

He’s admitted he’s maxed out credit cards and taken an unsecured loan out.

I don’t even know what to do or say I obviously cannot confide in anyone and I just don’t know what to do.

I won’t be leaving him but the trust has been broken.

Has anyone been through this?? What did you do? obviously his gambling will impact the remortgage, do we put all of his credit in a debt management plan? I don’t even know what to say or do I’m in shock our future is potentially ruined I’m heartbroken

Zero savings?

SIL he managed to get out more unsecured loans behind her back that then ended up being charged against the house and they had to sell it.

Are you working?

No savings left I have a small amount that I have put aside in a separate account but talking 2k for maternity leave

I am

Yes, ex husband. He went to gamblers anon but to be honest he was so stressed and upset at the debt I don’t think the temptation was really there after the shit hit the fan.

A debt management plan will affect the remortgage, under your circumstances remortgaging to pay off the debt might be the best option.

unless he can manage the repayments and pay them off the usual way- I imagine not otherwise he wouldn’t have confessed?

what did you know of his gambling before this? Had he always been a gambler? My ex hadn’t, he came into a lot of money and embraced the whole rolling lifestyle a bit too hard 🙄 but at least I knew it wasn’t a long term thing.

I’m so sorry op. I think you need to ensure he is being clear about all the debt and then seek professional advice

I meant jointly

how much equity in the property?

Will probably could manage to pay off a good chunk of the credit cards with equity however is that a good thing to do with credit cards ?
could probably get £50/60k out of the house

Yeah my partner has been really stressed said it spiralled tried to take loans to clear off the credit cards and then ended up gambling that thinking he was going to win of course. He said he’s been suicidal took him a lot to confess

Don’t do anything that ties you to him financially. Anything. Start looking for somewhere else to live that you can pay for alone. He will keep gambling and you’ll lose the house or he’ll need to sell / remortgage to pay it off.

Make him agree to put all his wages in a shared account so you can see what he’s spending on. Take over paying all of the bills and remove his portion of this (and food/house/kids money)from the shared account as soon as it’s paid in. Only leave his disposable income.

If he changes this so you can no longer see or access his wages, leave him he is gambling again.

Oh and in future the savings go in your accounts. Obviously.

To be honest there is no point in her paying out to rent another home when she could continue living with him until/ if such date as he loses the house. It’s a waste of money.

I would do whatever it takes to save your own safety net though OP. I know its hard when you’re about to have a baby and go on maternity leave

I mean she should move into the other home… that way she knows she won’t suddenly be made homeless with her children if he does lose the house.

and outstanding mortgage?

Yeah we have roughly 83k left on the mortgage

But she’d be throwing away rent until that day? I don’t disagree she needs a back up plan but not to waste money. You get many months notice of repossession

I can’t afford to move out and rent somewhere no way I work part time and just not in a position to do that and nor would I want to!

I think the joint account is a very good point I will look into this

I’ve just been through his bank and credit cards - he’s never missed a mortgage payment and we are far from being repossessed he’s basically throwing away all his disposable money on all this gambling debt. He said he’s cancelled his account numerous times and then he was let back into his gambling accounts I’m furious upset like I can’t believe it previously he’s always been very very savy financially good amount of savings etc I just don’t understand it at all

He needs to explore what’s behind this. No one just decides to gamble like this out of nowhere

He has reached out today to a charity a mental health one and I’m glad he has.

im so hormonal i just keep getting upset although im trying not to

I know this sounds a bit random but has he started any new medication in the last while? A few medicines like dopamine agonists have gambling and impulse control disorders as side effects.

Could he look into an IVA?

Not that I can think of. I know he’s got like a bit of an addictive/obsessive personality, like if hes doing something he will go above and beyond gym or work on the house etc like he cannot sit still.

I feel like I cannot speak to anyone about it like I just want to speak to someone a friend

I think both of you need to contact Gam Anon.

Gambling is a really hard addiction to kick and an appalling one to live with. Don’t try and do it without external calibration from people who have lived it.