Partner has admitted to gambling 70k worth of debt

[Windiepanda2018]

Partner of 13 years (we are not married) however have 2 children a house (which is in his name only) and a baby on the way I’m 24 week’s pregnant. Before people start telling me that I’m financially leaving myself open I know but I guess in this instance it’s been a bit of a blessing.

DP has broken down tonight and basically confessed to gambling a lot of money, all the savings, racked up roughly 70k worth of debt. We were due to remortgage in the next few months I was looking to go on the mortgage obviously for financial security and we were going to take a bit of cash out to do some jobs on the house as we have a bit of equity in the property.

He’s admitted he’s maxed out credit cards and taken an unsecured loan out.

I don’t even know what to do or say I obviously cannot confide in anyone and I just don’t know what to do.

I won’t be leaving him but the trust has been broken.

Has anyone been through this?? What did you do? obviously his gambling will impact the remortgage, do we put all of his credit in a debt management plan? I don’t even know what to say or do I’m in shock our future is potentially ruined I’m heartbroken

I also don’t understand what you are all talking about reapplying for the mortgage doesn’t it just roll on to a variable rate or choose a current fixed rate when the date comes around? They hardly have to reapply for an entire new mortgage all over again?

He is on a fixed rate which ends in October so, yes, if he does nothing it will probably just roll on to a variable rate. But that is not the best choice so he needs to see what other options are out there. Standard variable rates atm are about 6% so that could easily double his monthly mortgage repayments.

If he remortgages with the current lender on a new fixed rate mortgage, they will want him to update his information to check that his circumstances are roughly the same. They are not. So he may not be able to apply for a fixed rate.

If he wants to borrow more against the house to release equity, again they will want up to date information from him and may not allow it. So he will have to see what they say.

If he goes to other lenders, he is less likely to secure a decent mortgage rate with all that unsecured debt and he will have to pay more in admin costs.

You are all we and our. Its his house, mortgage and dept. I wouldnt be paying any of it. Yes pay 50% if the utilities, food, childrens stuff ect. At the moment you own nothing and owe nothing. Don't kill yourself working like a dog to pay for his stupidly or take out loans in your name. You need to consider what happens if the relationship fails. You dont want to end up with 3 kids and dept because your love for him came before your common sense.

he’s just rang to say he’s got an appointment at 4 to speak to someone

Is that a call to the bank? What did they say?

She doesn't need to do anything except what she decides to do. She posted for advice not a battering. Give it a rest.

With time, I think @Windiepanda2018‘anger will intensify and multiply exponentially as she recalls all the many many times he would have lied to her over the last year. And then when she’s having to repeatedly to say “no” to the children “no we’re not going on holiday” “no we can’t go to the theme park this half term” “no you can’t go on the school trip” etc etc…. Her fury will know no bounds.

and mumsnet will be here for you when it hits @Windiepanda2018

I am raging inside trying to rationalise it in my head, it’s just completely not something that I would have ever ever thought would happen! Like I said previously he’s always been really good with money!! I just do not understand! We spoke a little last night said he couldn’t explain it or what’s triggered it or why. Like previously we’ve saved for a house saved for work on the house etc he’s never done anything like this !

It was a debt advice company they have gone through finances he’s had to provide some more bank statements and will speak again later today.

You can speak to anyone you want to OP, and seek out any support you need. Just pick people who will listen respectfully and not gossip.

Until he is able to control his habit and his money, any financial changes you make will be of limited help . Try to save as much as you can in a sole account.

And it’s all very raw atm.

with time, memories will surface of the hundreds of times he will have lied to you about this over the last year. And how this is going to negatively impact your children.

the fury will hit. Be ready for it

Completely agree

Because I’ve never been a gambler it’s hard to understand why and also agree should be illegal and should not be advertised everywhere!! Radio tv social media it’s a joke

They are likely to recommend a debt management plan. These can be helpful as you take control of the debt and work out how to manage it.

In short, you make an agreement with creditors to pay off your debts. Once you work out how much you can pay each creditor, you pay a little to each, with their agreement. They don't have to accept your offer but usually they would rather receive reduced payments than no payment at all.

They may agree to freeze interest or penalty charges for a set period of time.

So all of this might help to alleviate your concerns BUT, this is really important,
be wary of agreeing anything before you remortgage.

If he has payments agreements in place, the lender might not let him borrow more to release equity and they may not offer fixed rates, they may only allow him the more expensive SVR.

Get your DH to check that with whoever is advising him.

Online

Yeah not letting him do anything till we sort the remortgage out.

Do you pay for this or use the free one? The free one doesn’t show anything but the basics and doesn’t actually check the accounts until you pay for it

Have you been aware of quality of life deteriorating in past year? Did he seem more stressed?

He seemed very distracted looking back

He’s been recommended to go down the IVA route so that they can’t take legal
action against the house! Don’t know what to do!

How does it affect the remortgage?

We can remortgage now and fix for 5 years and we could remortgage again at the end of the 5 years as long as not taking equity out. It would mean a 6 year Iva to protect the equity in the house though

So you can't release any equity now?

Highly unlikely as would mean a full check and not just a soft one my financial advisor said if we stick with current lender and refix they won’t ask for bank statements etc