Partner has admitted to gambling 70k worth of debt

[Windiepanda2018]

Partner of 13 years (we are not married) however have 2 children a house (which is in his name only) and a baby on the way I’m 24 week’s pregnant. Before people start telling me that I’m financially leaving myself open I know but I guess in this instance it’s been a bit of a blessing.

DP has broken down tonight and basically confessed to gambling a lot of money, all the savings, racked up roughly 70k worth of debt. We were due to remortgage in the next few months I was looking to go on the mortgage obviously for financial security and we were going to take a bit of cash out to do some jobs on the house as we have a bit of equity in the property.

He’s admitted he’s maxed out credit cards and taken an unsecured loan out.

I don’t even know what to do or say I obviously cannot confide in anyone and I just don’t know what to do.

I won’t be leaving him but the trust has been broken.

Has anyone been through this?? What did you do? obviously his gambling will impact the remortgage, do we put all of his credit in a debt management plan? I don’t even know what to say or do I’m in shock our future is potentially ruined I’m heartbroken

You said my post wasn’t reasonable.

She will have to do it either way. Either she leaves, or his entire income goes to paying off these debts.

I meant saying she needs full financial control. It’s parent child. It’s not a good relationship to be in long term.

i barely even noticed the full time working but to be honest- it’s not a big thing really. OP is having a baby in 4 months so won’t be doing it anytime soon

If he sells the house, won't they be worse off?

Rent is usually higher than mortgage payments and it's very difficult to find suitable accommodation to rent at the moment.

Selling the house would still leave a hefty 20k or so to repay, where is the money coming from to pay that off?

He has a job. He earns £50-60k a year.

i actually don’t think he should sell the house, for the reasons you’ve said. But it makes bankrupcy a very poor option (and he doesn’t need to do it)

we wouldn’t sell the house - the options are to refix the mortgage solely in his name without taking an equity out and then manage the remaining debt however he can or release some money to pay off.
however I don’t feel a lender would lend to him now with him using credit to gamble he’s probably got no chance of that so would need to just refix and then he’ll have to sort the remaining monies

It is reasonable when he can’t be trusted.

My mum had to go back to work three weeks after having me. It’s shit but it does happen. OP can’t just bury her head in the sand and pretend that he’s got a handle on it, because he doesn’t

And how will that happen? Ignoring reality isn’t going to help.

Honestly we’ve been together 13 years and this has never been an issue it’s the last year he’s slipped into this and he needs to understand why he had already contact gambling charities yesterday prior to him confessing to me.

I wouldn’t be walking away after one mistake no one is perfect however I appreciate this is a very large one and it impacts us all and it’s very obvious he’s aware of what he’s done

What do you mean how will that happen?? Obviously taking steps to sort the remaining debt etc no one is ignoring reality trust me

Obviously if I need to return to work full time sooner etc then that’s what I would do but right now with no village and very little support childcare wise it would make no financial sense for me to return to full time work

Refixing does mean a new mortgage though OP, so they might not agree to that. When is his current fixed term up?

Does he bring home about £3.5k a month?

If he can’t be trusted the relationship needs to end.

you can continue with relationship where you don’t trust your partner but it’ll end in time, be that in 6 months or 6 years.

taking control because you don’t trust him isn’t the answer

It’s October when it’s up
yeah between 3.5-4k a month it’s differs depending on weather etc as he is a builder so not always workable weather

And what does make financial sense? Losing your house one month after having a baby?

Thanks for the heads up. Let’s hope it can be rebuilt

Make it a condition of you staying that you put the house in your name only.

The house isn’t currently going anywhere everything is being paid I’ve seen everything nothing has been missed or defaulted.

im certainly not in a financial position to be moving out and getting a rental property right now

He said he would quite happily sign the house over but not sure entirely how that would work

Why would they lose the house? He’s not in mortgage arrears and can still pay the monthly repayment!

What will happen in October when he needs to get a new mortgage and no bank will loan to him because of his atrocious credit history?

Or he signs it over to you and you need a mortgage on a part time wage and on maternity?

Get your head out of the clouds ffs

Seems a bit of a waste to me, creditors can and will still come after it as it’s obvious youve done it to deprive them. It’s not that easy!

The mortgage is up in October and nobody will lend to him with that much debt. He’s insolvent.

Exactly that’s not what the situation is

He can literally go on his app on his mortgage and refix his current mortgage for another 5 years we have done this previously if he wanted money out the proper that’s obviously different