Partner has admitted to gambling 70k worth of debt

[Windiepanda2018]

Partner of 13 years (we are not married) however have 2 children a house (which is in his name only) and a baby on the way I’m 24 week’s pregnant. Before people start telling me that I’m financially leaving myself open I know but I guess in this instance it’s been a bit of a blessing.

DP has broken down tonight and basically confessed to gambling a lot of money, all the savings, racked up roughly 70k worth of debt. We were due to remortgage in the next few months I was looking to go on the mortgage obviously for financial security and we were going to take a bit of cash out to do some jobs on the house as we have a bit of equity in the property.

He’s admitted he’s maxed out credit cards and taken an unsecured loan out.

I don’t even know what to do or say I obviously cannot confide in anyone and I just don’t know what to do.

I won’t be leaving him but the trust has been broken.

Has anyone been through this?? What did you do? obviously his gambling will impact the remortgage, do we put all of his credit in a debt management plan? I don’t even know what to say or do I’m in shock our future is potentially ruined I’m heartbroken

Why would he do that when he can pay the monthly mortgage and ultimately the debt? He won’t be able to remortgage or do loads of other things under a IVA.

It’s going to be very tight though when I go on maternity leave in September.

There's something called gamblock, it completely blocks gambling on phones, laptops etc, stops any accounts being opened or used in his name and details. It attaches to banks also so no gambling can be done out of his bank. That will take away that temptation.
That leaves betting shops, he can go around all of them and self exclude himself, might be a bit embarrassing but he needs a bit of a wake up call. Good luck

HE was due to remortgage. You aren’t on the mortgage and you do not own the house

This is £130/£140k property? I am guessing he is on a very low income? I’m speechless he was allowed to get these limits on the credit card

He can add you to the deeds OP as tenants in common so that your half of the house is protected. You do not need to go on the mortgage. However, I'm not sure if the lender will allow it as he has so much debt.

When is the mortgage up for renewal?

If the house and mortgage is in his name only, are you saying you currently do not own any share of the house? Is the intention to give you ownership of the house?

Why is this happening now when it has been all his before?

I would worry that you are joining finances at a very precarious stage of his.

I’m astonished that he was able to borrow 70k. It must be secured against the house. Unless he’s a very high earner, he’s going to lose the house.

I definitely wouldn’t be joining finances with him. Keep your money separate, and whatever you do, don’t marry him!

Please contact GamFam, they are incredibly supportive to both those with gambling addiction and their affected others. I found great support with them when my partner was in the depths of his addiction x

Yeah probably 140k ish maybe slightly more it was purchased for 124k with a deposit and then obviously we have done work to the property.
I know I cannot believe that he has managed to get 4 credit cards and two loans all maxed out.

he is on a fairly decent wage so just about manageable however I feel it’s all coming to a head now as he has wiped out all his cash I just cannot believe it

I knew life was too good to be true and waiting for some bad luck

OP why would you stay with someone who cannot be trusted, that 70k would nearly have paid off your mortgage.

You will never be able to trust him with money again because he's an addict and you never know when he will relapse. His brain structure and chemistry have been changed and he will crave the dopamine hit.

Please, please don't ever marry him, you deserve so much better than this. Please tell your family and friends because you deserve support. Please don't let him drag you and your children down with him.

The intention was to put me onto the house so I have more financial security as currently the house was in his name only that was due to at the time us moving in 10 years or so ago I didn’t have a great income and I had a property which was on an interest only mortgage that I needed to sell so he purchased on his own initially.

What he's done is unforgivable OP. At the very least, do a clear score in your name to be on the safe side that he hasn't borrowed anything in your name too. Gambling is an awful addiction that he may never come out of the other side of.
This could be the rest of your life here. I know you want to support him but that should be emotional support only. Don't take this on to solve - he and he alone needs to face the consequences of his actions. Don't lessen them.

Forget a joint account - he can raid it.
he needs to be paying all wages in an account in your name only you control. No extra care no telling him your pin.
You control all the money and its crap but that is how it has to be because he cant be trusted.

Do not underestimate this.
You need gam anon and you should have real life support.

You are soon to have 3 children and a man who as much as you want to you cannot trust. He cannot have any access to any of the money.

You need to shelve plans for work and if he gives a shit about the kids he should be looking to transfer the house to you. I am not sure how but there is likely to be a way...
If you cant get a mortgage I would be looking for your parents to gift or loan you the money if at all possible.

Do not pay off any of the credits cards

Obviously in an ideal world you should leave but you are pregnant with 2 kids and very understandably dont want to / arent ready to

Is your name on any of the credit cards?

I truly believe the world would be a better place if online gambling was illegal.

What is his salary?

No nothing in my name

I agree I think this is why I don’t understand as I do not gamble at all

He’s self employed so roughly 50/60k a year

Not only can he raid it, but if he fails to keep up with the credit card repayments, the credit card company may be able to seize funds from the joint account. This is why you must keep your money separate OP.

Living together is ok, as long as he can keep up with the repayments, but if it gets to the stage where bailiffs are knocking, you may need to consider moving out. It’s not fair for you and the kids to go through all that stress.

It is destroying so many lives. I'm so sorry OP

I will take a wild punt he doesn’t declare a fraction of that to HMRC

He manages to get credit card debt 110%-120% of his total annual income?

OP has he shown you every last shred of documentation?

Declares every penny and just blew his most recent tax rebate