Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

Oh hooch you poor thing!

Hooch love how are you you poor thing?

Oh Hooch hope you're ok Hope you didn't headbutt your date?!
What a nightmare for you, Get well soon x

I've no idea what happened. One minute I was eating street food in a trendy marketplace, next minute I'm sprawled on a trolley in A&E with a massive cut in my head. How embarrassing covered in sick. Shit I might have to emigrate

Oh and hi Pingu, sorry to hijack your post. Sometimes alcohol by itself is just as bad!

Been sitting on this all week. DP went to his home town at the weekend and came back saying he wants to get a supply for our friends here that would make a decent profit without ripping them off. We are talking maybe an ounce. We need the money.
I know the response I'd get elsewhere on MN...but you lot, what would you do?

Hope you're home now Hooch and not hurting too much? What an eventful evening! It sounds like a terrible accident, don't be embarrassed.
I fell out of a stationary cab once and broke my nose if that makes you feel better..
Hope you have someone to keep an eye on you, you might have concussion? [doctor face]
and for you.

Dusty I've been mulling this over instead of working. I won't tell you what to do you're both intelligent adults.

I tried this with an ex years ago and we couldn't leave it alone. We ended up taking the lot over a few days and making a grand profit of zero. The excessive drug taking, lack of sleep and paranoia made it a surreal experience. I just can't have it in the house. We tried with Es a few weeks later, and the same thing happened.

Only have enough for it to pass reasonably as possession for your own personal use, the penalties for supplying are very harsh. I know a few people that have said they'd do this as a one off and they're still doing it, just because it's easy money, they carry on. I know a few people who've ended up in prison.

Be careful Dusty and don't start a thread about this in AIBU ..Good Lord that would be a massacre

Thanks Lost. Don't worry I won't be going near AIBU! We have discussed the availability thing. Might have to get a safe

Dusty darling. Unless you cannot make money any other way and you will starve otherwise don’t do it. You will automatically have your own supply (bad) you will end up doing it regularly even if you say you won’t ( even worse) , you may get away with it once, you may get away with forever. You may not get away with it once ( prison and disastrous). It’s a no from me.

Having your own supply may well go tits up or all profits may be inhaled.. good point Ponz. There's always the temptation to repeat the exercise.

For your own good Dusty I think Ponz and I will have to come round and empty the safe. Tonight. I'm already fantasising about it and will bring wine

Sorry for late reply. Thanks so much for all your encouraging words. My partner doesn’t do it... he is completely anti drug. We nearly split up over it because he found out I got some on my 30th birthday. He has no idea I do it in house alone when kids are in bed. Worse thing is, I’m high right now and I’m supposed to be doing the go sober for October. PePole have sponsored for Macmillan cancer care and I am betraying their trust. I will feel horribly guilty tomorrow when I come down. What are people’s habits like here if you don’t mind me asking? Mine is currently once or twice a week... down from 3 times a week. I had this amazing plan... I have a friend who buys loads every week and she can afford it. I told her to get me some and only give me £25 worth (a quarter of a g) once a week or less. Did that on Wednesday and ended up calling other dealer so had half a g and the bit she gave me £75 altogether... so had more than usual and I really can’t afford it! So annoyed with myself but feel so nice right now... why can’t I feel nice without it? I have the two most beautiful children who I love with all my heart... how can I risk everything when I feel like that about them? I tell myself they are not affected... we still go to Parks, soft play, holidays and have plenty food... but sometimes their mummy is tired and withdrawn and I know the reason why! I would be fired instantly
If my workplace knew... I seem to risk everything time and time again just to feel high for a few hours. I hate C SO MUCH

Just read other posts... sorry to hear about your evening hoochi mama. Hope you are ok. And dusty my advice is keep well clear. There is no way you will have that in your site without doing the lot (If you are like me) I can’t leave anything in the house... literally whatever is there it’s gone . Maybe you are stronger than me but why take the risk... I’m trying to make a bit of money working for fm cosmetics selling beautiful perfumes that smell like designer brands. Totally legit and easy because you can give people samples and they are good! If anyone wants to do it I can sponsor you and then I get a bit of your commission too ha ha Xxx

Ah Ping I totally get it but beating yourself up won't help. It's like a vicious circle; you feel bad about yourself- you remedy that the way you know how. I wish there was a magic cure but it seems to me just a hard slog trying to surf through the urges.

You've done well in cutting back. I've tried limiting my use and like you, it usually ends in a binge because you feel invincible after that first hit. I'm currently trying not to use every weekend and find taking it week by week easier to handle than thinking further than that. Baby steps.

Enjoy your high for now and try to put the awful guilt and self loathing aside. Easier said than done I know.
We'll be here cheering you on for every good decision you make

Great advice thanks lost... I tried cold turkey then thought maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself (and more you tell yourself you can’t have something more you want it) what is AIBU? Tonight’s trigger was because my Mam said something that pissed me off so I thought fuck it! Last weeks trigger was because my partner went out drinking and he had a one night stand in January which I still can’t get over... so numb the feelings in other unhealthy waysxx

Obviously there’s always a trigger... I just wish I felt as happy doing other things. Like a nice warm bath and candles gives me pleasure... but nothing as nice as a bottle of wine and a few cheeky lines. I literally can’t drink anymore without the stuff (unless it’s conpleyely unavailable like on holiday) so I’ve ruined that experience too... I have about 4 dealers who live nearby... I know their numbers off by heart unfortunately 😔

Does anyone go to a group? NA or CA? I went to GA For a while for my gambling and at first felt it really helped and then just thought I can’t be arsed with this anymore. So swapped the gambling habit for a coke one. Slightly cheaper but probably more dangerous 🤣

I am put off by the religious aspect of NA although it works for some. It's good that you recognise your triggers at least Ping. Mine are numerous and often something completely mundane like it's raining or I'm bored

Back on your board tomorrow madam. Try not to overanalyse everything tonight x

Yeh I guess... no point I’m thinking too much now. Tomorrow I will be so sure I am done with it... then a few days will pass...unless I die tonight of course. Maybe my heart or my liver will just think fuck it... what the fuck are you doing to me! I have a note on my phone for people to read if that ever happens. How depressing is that ;-(

Hope you are ok this am ping. I am a fan of NA groups because they work brilliantly for some people ( although they are not for everyone). They honestly don’t need to be religious. The power higher than yourself can be anything - a belief in nature, Music or even Manchester United! The first step is simply acknowledging that you have lost control over your addiction and want to stop. That’s it. You don’t have to even be stopped to go. You just have to want to. It’s free, local, open all hours and non judgemental.

You sound sad and you sound like cocaine isn’t working for you anymore. You could turn to NA for help ( there’s a website for local groups) or google your nearest drug counselling service. There is even internet help with a service called Breaking Free Online.

Or just keep coming here until you are ready. Some people stop all by themselves but boy you have to strong. You could set yourself a target to cut down.

In the meantime sending a hug.

Hooch darling how is your head?

Did people stay on board last night?

God didn’t mean to sound preachy teachy there.

Ping I was using twice a week in secret for about five years since it fell in my lap with a local dealer who was a friend. Boredom bringing up kids, knackered etc. Ended up 4 x week even in work nights. Just a few small lines and occasional binge but enough to wear me down , fuck my moods, increase my drinking. I’m 5 weeks clean cos I just have not bought any. Easier said than done I know. I’m drinking too much but overall I feel better.

Thanks for your reply ponzu... you don’t sound preachy at all! I did go to an na meeting

Managed a clean Friday. How are we all today?

Didn’t mean to post that... I did go to one na meeting but never went back. The location etc is ideal it’s just my partner works every evening and it always involves my family for childcare. I know they don’t mind but I’d rather not have to go anywhere! Maybe I will have to admit I’m not strong enough to do it on my own eventually and go back. I wish I could bottle up this feeling and take it out whenever I feel the urges. Nose feels like it’s falling apart, head is banging, palpitations are scary and I’ve had two hours sleep so feel like death. Wish I could go back to Just drinking. I find it impossible to separate the two when I am at home. 5 weeks clean is amazing well done! Today is a new day. Please let this be my first day of a new drug free life! My parents think I’ve been clean for months... feel so guilty they are so lovely :-(

Morning all. Hope you're ok today Ping, don't beat yourself up, it's very addictive hence why we all love it. I've cut back massively but I can't get it easily so makes life easier. My drinking is still an issue though. I remember a time when I didn't enjoy a drink without it but I can now ( a little too much!) . Maybe try the online service that Ponz suggested. I also find when you do give it a miss you feel so much better and that spurs you on too.

Still feeling mortified here, apparently I was so drunk I couldn't stand and it was a work do Cut is in a very obvious place so can't hide it. Still considering the emigrating idea. Your story about the taxi did make me feel a bit better Lost. I feel very spaced out, I'm either still hungover or concussed! Did have a head scan so should be ok. Thanks for all your concern, I am such a twat!