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Original poster

Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

991 replies

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/09/2017 14:48

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome. Smile
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

OP posts:
thelaststraw123 · 14/05/2018 13:07

Hope you guys don't mind me joining you.

Small back story, never touched the stuff before I met my dp. Then started taking it about 2 years ago, and my life has gone down the toilet since. He ended up a dealer, which of course meant there is always a supply. Our relationship is crap as we're constantly on comedown and arguing and I don't know where to turn anymore

Blush
Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/05/2018 14:50

Of course you can join straw you sound very down. It's so easy for a habit to creep up on you. You're having fun and then one day you wake up and think Fuck my life's a mess and I'm not in control anymore. I think we all understand.

Are there any changes you think you can make? Small steps at first if that's easier- cutting down, aiming for a clean weekend? Are you using everyday? Would it be possible to have time away from dp?

There is help out there. People on here have used CA meetings or online recovery groups. Hopefully someone will come on and advise with that side.

You've made the first step, admitting there's a problem. Take care of yourself today and be kind to yourself. You're going to be ok, it's hard but not impossible. Flowers

OP posts:
thelaststraw123 · 14/05/2018 16:23

Obviously we say we'll stay off it and we won't do it any more but then having a supply makes this ridiculously difficult. I've asked him not to bring it home, but then that doesn't happen either. It's a vicious circle, I love the stuff, but hate the feeling after

ponzusoup · 14/05/2018 17:50

The truth? You won't stop if you carry on supplying/ having it the house. You just won't. You need to stop access to it altogether. Is your DP willing to do that? Are you?

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/05/2018 18:48

I have to agree with Ponz there's no way to abstain if you have a constant supply. I know I couldn't. In fact I'd probably blow my head off with it within a week. Shock

I think some time away from dp just to get your head straight and think about what you want might be best straw. You have to want to change more than anything else.
Wishing you strength.

OP posts:
thelaststraw123 · 15/05/2018 11:50

Don't I know it! We've been saying for ages that we're going to stop and still haven't. But day 3 surfing so far!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/05/2018 22:46

Well done straw. Given your situation at the moment perhaps it's more realistic to limit to say one night a week (Friday?) so that you're getting back some control over this. Use and dependence can escalate really quickly if you're not careful

Good luck whatever you decide x

OP posts:
ponzusoup · 16/05/2018 12:03

Not sure the idea of once a week willl Work. Once a year maybe!

ponzusoup · 16/05/2018 12:04

And well done on three days that's marvellous!

serialtester · 29/05/2018 10:35

Hi everyone!

Over 2 months clean here. It's a struggle but it's worth it. However as we all know I've been here before - I'm avoiding all kitchenware!!!

Hope you're all doing well surfers.

ponzusoup · 30/05/2018 11:57

Bloody nice one serial! That's ace. No oven trays for you Madame. I'm also clean - just cut off the supply worked a dream. Lost! How are you love??

serialtester · 30/05/2018 16:11

Good work Ponz!

I've also cut down on the booze, it's alcohol that always leads to me making poor choices.

luckiestgirl · 31/07/2018 08:55

Can any of you guys help me? My little sister is addicted to cocaine and has agreed to go into rehab. My family have agreed to chip in and pay. How do I go about finding a rehab centre? Go to the GP? (We’re in Kent)
Thank you

serialtester · 31/07/2018 13:21

Hi luckiest,

GP would be a good start - they can refer to your local substance misuse team.

Or maybe you can self refer.

Good luck, I hope it works out for her.

luckiestgirl · 31/07/2018 17:47

Thanks for replying serial. I’ve got a couple of leads to look into from word of mouth and google

serialtester · 31/07/2018 19:02

She's lucky to have you - but bear in mind at times she won't see it like that.

chemicalworld · 21/08/2018 21:32

Placemarking. I've reached a point with my use where i cant control it. A sniff of wine and im on the phone to someone who can deliver to me in 30 mins.

I cant afford it, and though mine isnt a huge habit ive been taking recreationally.for about 20 years. Im having counselling for other problems but have realised i need ti stop this. Ive deleted all numbers today for the first time, erased messages etc. I love the stuff and hate it all at once.

I hate feeling like i can no longer control it, this is my first step.

chemicalworld · 22/08/2018 10:02

Just to say that this morning I am feeling really good, I have resisted at all times when thinking about deleting those numbers. I've wanted to have control over it, i've wanted to feel i've got one over on it when I choose not to do it.

Fact is, I hardly ever choose not to, I've had dealers come and find me when I've had a quiet night in with my nephew ffs. I am deeply ashamed of some of my behaviour and it is because of the choices I have made with this.

Fuck it. I do know I can always get the numbers again if I really want to, but I have had enough of feeling controlled by this shit. It's expensive and means I can't do things I love doing, I want to stop making excuses in my life to myself about this.

Enough!

serialtester · 22/08/2018 10:05

Hi, you can do this. Well done on taking that first step!

The compulsion though is so hard to resist. It's harder than giving up smoking imho.

What I've found has helped is the recent news about cocaine related deaths increasing. I don't want to be a statistic.

chemicalworld · 22/08/2018 11:30

Yes, one of my spurs, apart from money was someone I know who used a lot, dying in his sleep a couple of weeks ago aged 35. I am 37 now and I have always been a bit of a party person... which was fine when I was younger.

What has scared me with this is the pull, despite not being able to afford it etc i've put myself into more debt because of it. My habit is by no means huge but it is beyond my current means, and it has been a stronger pull than I have been able to control and THAT has scared me.

gearandloathing · 23/12/2018 18:43

I don't know if some of the regulars on this thread remember me... I posted for a while back in the spring/summer, I was really struggling with the push pull of giving up and then giving in.

After a particularly bad weekend when I ended up staying up all night and going back home to my husband ignoring me, I finally found the strength to knock it all on the head. I realised I couldn't get away with it much longer without it seriously affecting my marriage.

I had been quite seriously addicted, on and off for around ten years, so this was no mean feat. I don't know why it worked this time (that I gave up) and not all the other times. I think I'd finally had enough of all the negatives, and finally realised that I couldn't dabble/have a little bit occasionally. Which I knew all along really, but oh how we addicts lie to ourselves to keep the addiction going.

I didn't go to meetings. I did join an internet forum, sober recovery, and used a technique called rational recovery where you see yourself as separate from your addict self and learn to take the control back. It was tough at first. I got rid of all my contacts/numbers and basically just resolved not to do it again.

Since then I had one tiny lapse when I went out with some friends and one of them got a gram in, I literally had a line shoved under my nose and I had a couple but I didn't really want to I was just caught up in the moment and had been drinking. I then couldn't sleep all night and felt shit the next day, I realised I hadn't missed much.

So apart from that lapse it's been around 6 months and whilst there may be the odd moment when I miss it, I'm mentally over it and don't anticipate I'll ever get back in to it (I very seldom socialise with the mate who got the gram in, who's more of a friend of a friend to be honest I only see him about once a year if that)

I'm actually really relieved to not have it in my life anymore, and I'm looking forward to just going out and having a few drinks this New Years eve and being relatively normal the next day, as opposed to being up all night and in to the next day on coke and feeling like shite for half of the following week.

Anyway just wanted to pop my head in to say hi, and let anyone struggling know that you can knock it on the head when you are ready to. Welcome to PM me if you want more info on how I did it.

serialtester · 23/12/2018 22:22

Gear - great stuff. I've been clean for quite a while. This isn't a popular approach but I actually went to my GP for help because I realised I was self medicating in a way that would end up killing me. I'm on proper medication now and am actually ok. Good luck to all battling this.

serialtester · 23/12/2018 22:51

And to add context for anyone reading this I had a thread deleted one night cos I was obviously bang on it. If I can surf successfully anyone can. Talk to people, seek help from professionals - honestly it's better than being a cokehead.

gearandloathing · 24/12/2018 10:25

Great that you're clean now serialtester. Do you ever miss it? I have the odd moment, last night for example as I'd had a few drinks and was feeling christmassy.... I had a fleeting thought hey wouldn't it be great to have a line... but realised I'd then be up all night and sat the next day feeling shit on a comedown. And instead, I'm up having had a full night's sleep feeling excited about christmas and doing things with the kids, going over to my parents later for supper....

I remember a couple of christmases ago, went out for a few drinks and had a few lines, came home and opened up the new years stash and spent the next 24 hours caning it, on my own, coming down just in time for christmas eve which I spent half sleeping half feeling shite and then had a crappy christmas. There was never any half measures with me, once I started I'd do whatever was in the house, there was never any point where I'd had 'enough'.

I've had a shite year this year in many ways. My cousin died, I fell out with some friends, I lost my job... it's not been the best year but the one thing that's made it actually a rather fantastic year is that I gave up coke, I was getting to the point of thinking I never would be able to so it's really rather great that I finally managed to after all these years.

flatwhite45 · 26/12/2018 12:03

Hi gear and serial, so glad you have both manged to kick it. Thanks for updating the thread. Think it’s important people see we can get better. I am coming up to a year clean and sober. I had to give up the booze too, as for me it was like the first line, weakening my defences and stopping me from making rational decisions. I did it through the twelve steps, the group support I get from that is so helpful. It’s been challenging and I still get the odd craving (but nothing like as often or as intense as in the first few weeks) overall life is just way simpler, calmer and more joyous. Wishing you and anyone else battling addiction a peaceful 2019