Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

sodding dealer just tried to call me.. after I sent him a text yesterday saying I was quitting. I didn't answer, but I've practically memorized the number now every time I see it I remember it more.

What should I do fellow surfers? He might just be wanting to check I'm definitely quitting but my text was pretty clear.

Nah he's not checking you're definitely quitting! Blooming dealers can be quite pro active these days. Mine sometimes rings offering one on tick for the weekend yay free drugs

Ignore, ignore, ignore if you can gal Keep strong x

You seem to be throwing yourself into this rational recovery. It helps me if I try to focus on what I'm gaining by abstaining if that makes sense. Just because not doing gear leaves a big hole in my life and God I really miss it!
Trying to visualise myself clean and all the good things that will bring helps a bit.

Big shout out to Ponz and party poppers for your month clean. Excellente Madame.

Also shout out on the beach megaphone to lovely Serial and Hooch are you on holiday together?

I thought about sending him a message saying look I asked you nicely if you contact me again I'm passing this number in to the local Nick. They don't know where I live. Thatd burn a bridge surely?

Ooh I don't know about mentioning the police. He might get a raid or something and blame you even if you haven't done anything.

Can you block his number from your phone? There is a way to do that but not sure how..
Just think how much free head space we'll have when we can move on from all this worrying

The problem with blocking the number is that the number is still stored in the phone as I have to tell the phone what number to block!

I think I have practically memorised the bloody number now as I originally wrote it out to put it at my mum's house.. wish I hadn't done that now. Then every time I see it because I'm thinking 'don't memorise it!' i'm doing the opposite, like trying not to think of a white elephant.

I sound like a bloody loon don't I. I'm not this loony in any other area of my life!

I may have to rely on good old fashioned willpower. I really don't want it in my life anymore. So sick and tired of it and all the crazy things I've done on it and all the money I've spent.

Well, if I really am trying to be 'like a normal person who doesn't do drugs at all' what would I do? Just delete and ignore I guess.

Delete and ignore sounds like a plan.
Don't worry we're all a bit looney here.

Hello, I'm still here just lurking silently as not doing so great at the moment. Day 2 of current comedown and vowing not see Mr Rehab anymore although he is gorgeous. Love to all and hello Gal

Yeah, at the end of the day I can set up as many 'road blocks' as I like but if I don't make the commitment inside, I'll just try and get round them.

HOw are you doing lost seems like you are surfing ok at the moment?

Hi Hoochi I'm on day 2 also, as the last bender carried on until early hours of Sunday. If I could have got more, I probably would have, but he doesn't deliver and it's quite a way away and I couldn't be arsed to get a taxi at 3 am. I have done in the past though (shudders with shame)

So why is he called Mr Rehab if he is a bad influence on you? Clearly rehab didn't work?

Hey hooch glad you are ok so hard to have a gorgeous drug I sympathise with your waivering will power. Be nice to yourself.

Gal here is where coke brain has t be firmly rejected. Don't and block the number, don't reply. Ignore ignore ignore. Def no cop threats.

Chin up Hooch I've been there and got the t shirt about a million t shirts actually Your mood will improve x
I didn't know Mr Rehab was gorgeous. Do I need to buy a hat? And have you kidnapped Serial?

Yeah no cop threats gal We don't want to rescue you from an angry crook in a warehouse kneecapping you with a baseball bat.

He's called Mr Rehab cos he got himself addicted to a harder drug and was meant to go to Rehab to sort himself out but changed his mind at last minute. He's on Methadone now but still does the C. You would never know to look at him, not your typical addict. Shame really as I said he's handsome, also kind and funny but currently not working and living with his mum! We met online 5 years ago and have seen each other on and off since. I do look for someone more suitable but they're all too old or in their 20's and just want sex!

No hat yet Lost, I used to be mad about him but he always pushed back as said he had nothing to offer. Recently he's been trying really hard but I think I've gone off him!

No haven't seen Serial, maybe she's popped to Columbia?

I got DH to delete the number although I think I have memorised it without meaning to (or rather 'coke brain' memorised it when the rest of me wasn't looking - gosh it's confusing having two brains!)

I'm just pissed at him for calling me as he clearly doesn't really think I've quit - probably just thinks it's the comedown talking which usually it would be. If he calls or texts again maybe I'll say something stronger like 'look I really have quit now so please leave me alone'. He literally has no idea where I live so no way he could trace me but yeah maybe not police threats just yet.

Mr Rehab sounds interesting - is he your snorting buddy Hooch.
Is anyone like me and just eats their bodyweight in crap and junk food on a comedown? I must be the only person who finds coke fattening, not at the time obviously but certainly on the comedown.

Hope everyone is doing ok this bank holiday weekend and managing to surf.

I'm still surfing although coke brain has tried to do a very good job of infiltrating the rest of me and convincing me i want some.. I know I don't though!

I'm kind of thinking it is best to quit whilst I am ahead, despite many quite prolific drug binges in my life I've never had any noticeable health / heart problems (yet), never got in trouble with the police, never got in trouble with work...

I keep thinking I have been lucky and won't get away with it forever.

How are you doing ponz lost hooch anyone else I may have missed?

Happy Easter weekend surfers, hope we're all ok. I fell off my board in a predictable "it's Easter weekend" way on Thursday night but dusting myself off for a clean weekend.

Here I am all ready for my Easter surfing.

Hope you are okay Lost. I am away for the weekend with one of my straight mates, she's one of those people who doesn't need drugs as she fills her life with so much other stuff.

Makes me think I don't have a drugs problem so much as a life problem.. my life is dull and boring and that's for me to sort out, getting a gram in is the cheats way really. And the more you cheat your way to excitement the harder it is to do it the normal way. Coke is sooooo reinforcing...

Hope you have a good Easter. Get high on chocolate!

Love the pic of the bunny!

Hey loves I'm away too and surfing on because have no supply anyway. You are right gal that the tedium of family life and work is so easily relieved by a line or two but I do think the consequences for mind body and purse are pretty dire. Feel sorry for Kids when we are Lying there with a hangover or feeling snappy and grumpy.

Mind you I def have not cracked replacing it with more interesting stuff like your mate but that's next I guess.

Yes ponz I think that's the secret - to do loads of interesting 'get high on life' normal stuff to replace the buzz. Extreme ironing, anyone?

Trouble is, it is so much easier to go pick up a gram, as opposed to spend the afternoon white water rafting or whatever. Plus its viciously circular - the more time, energy and money I put into getting fucked and recovering, the less I have for hobbies/sports/entertainment.

I am surfing this weekend but feel like the gap separating me from being good and picking up is only paper thin. I remember the sodding dealer's number despite deleting it - bah!

Good we're all being sensible this easter weekend.

Hope everyone survived the long weekend! I've been surfing, but I feel like it wouldn't take much to fall off. Logically I know I don't want it/ a million reasons it's not a good idea/ would hate the comedown/can't afford it etc but there's still a little voice in my head taunting me. DH is taking the kids to see his parents this week leaving me home alone, which will be danger time....

Yo everyone. How are you all doing?! I've not been in the sea for 2 weeks (so far) my recent paddles have resulted in horrific comedowns but I still can't say no. I even had a dream about chopping out lines last night.

Hi serial . Struggling a little today. Feel like I'm fighting a war, but my footsoldiers keep defecting to the other side.

How can I know I don't really want it yet crave at the same time? I guess that's the nature of cocaine = dopamine release = brain seeks to repeat it.

Good to hear you are resisting too. I've had the coke dreams.. strange aren't they. Do you find you're always about to have a line, but never actually get to have one?

Yes! Woke up right before I was going to get into dyson mode. Made do with Nescafé (drinking not snorting it!)

Although, snorting posh coffee - could be the next hipster trend?!

Sounds painful serial I'd stick with drinking it.

I really hate the idea of being 'controlled' by a substance. In life, I'm quite hard to manipulate (by other people), hate being told what to do etc. So why have I let a little bag of white powder repeatedly manipulate me and tell me what to do? I can be quite bloody minded (in a 'you'll never get the better of me' kind of way - maybe I can harness this to say FUCK YOU to coke brain?