Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

My hair is completely white (im older than you) but it was easier for me to stop dying it because i was very light blonde. You could look into going lighter gradually with highlights to see if that makes it easier. Hairdresser job though so could be pricey.

Hair maintenance is such a faff. I can't blame you for ditching the dyeing. But you do need to make a plan with your hairdresser to cope with the 'tide' mark as it grows out. Change hairdressers if necessary.

You definitely don't have to dye your hair b/c other people tell you to ...
At least a decade ago, my DM told me I needed to start dyeing my hair so that she didn't look old ... She's 80 and still dyeing her hair.

I've never bothered with dyeing but I do use tinted shampoo to make the grey bits look blonder and others on MN talk about caffeine shampoo for making greys darker.

There are various home methods for roots retouch. I have seen a kind of colour stick you just roll on in between hair dresser visits.

Wow. That attitude from a DP and child would have me going grey out of spite. It's absolutely disgusting. Not fair??? Fuck that noise. What a load of nonsensical bollocks. Go grey and tell them to fuck off

Gosh, how cheeky of everyone! How about letting the underneath grow out and having streaky highlights across the root line to blend it in?
Or going a lighter colour first, then doing the rest?
I’ve had nothing but compliments since my grey came in. But I’m very low maintenance, so a different situation really.

How do you wear your hair?

When i went for the grey (at 49) everyone told me not to. I did it anyway. Looks great now and no more dyeing. Yes, I probably look older but I look better. Strangers stop me in the street to ask where I get my hair done as it has ended up a nice silver colour. Gets you seats on crowded trains as well.

How I did it: had been steadily going lighter for years. Asked hairdressers to do a full head of very pale highlights to blend old and new hair, then to cut it as short as I could stand.

Perhaps you could do highlights and go blonder/silvery over time.
You will need a plan/balayage/highlights as growing out straight grey from brunette is brutal with the regrowth line.
What about going purple? Quite cool

Only you know how you'll feel about how it looks. It does make you look "older" - but will you feel that bothered? Or happy to not keep fighting against it. Or will you be unhappy and prefer a middle ground of going lighter. Sometimes you won't know until you try.
Doesn't much matter what everyone else thinks

Wow.

I doubt you're really "old" parents if your DD said that (that sounds like a young teenager?) - I went grey when my oldest DD was about 7 and she thought my hair was "sparkly" and asked for hers to be "sparkly" too - it was just the very light grey hairs!

Dye growing out obviously looks worse than a full head of grey. I'd compromise with a home dye or some kind of hairdresser led highlights or lowlights or both until the dye has grown out, but I wouldn't dye my hair long term as a response to those comments - like another poster it would rather encourage me to stop colouring my own hair if others thought they were in charge of my head!

I would think less of any partner, man or woman, who tried to dictate what I did with my hair. Or clothes. Or anything to do with me and my body.
And for goodness sake, the colour of your hair will make no difference to how old you are. The best you can do for your kids is to stay as involved and active as you can. A strong, healthy body has nothing to do with hair colour.

I’d get highlights and go blonder for a bit, then if you do still want to go grey it won’t be such a shock to bystanders. Well cut grey hair looks amazing IMO.
I’m the same age with a white streak, but rest is still 100% dark, I don’t think I’ll start dying it as the white line on dark hair isn’t great and I know thats how mine would end up!

I mean, noone should be being rude about it but it's pretty obvious that grey hair is ageing. Simply because it's a sign of being older isnt it?

Thats factually correct. I dont see it as a personal judgement at all- when I see a person with grey hair they always look older to me than if they had their original hair colour. Thats because I associate grey hair with older people and also because grey is not really a universally flattering shade - its quite pale and draining.

It's really your choice - if you want to go grey then do it and fuck them all but I do think it will make you look older.

I have silvery hair, it’s very pale grey and almost white. Pre lockdown a hairdresser guesstimated I was about 90% grey, turns out they were right. I used to spend so many hours- colouring, highlighting, colouring in between the highlights, using at home sprays to disguise the colour as it grew out between chairdresser appointments. Then Lockdown happened. I took the plunge.

I love my hair and save a fortune. I look back at old photos and think how artificial my hair colour was. Occasionally I wonder if I look old. Would I look younger if I coloured ? But it has been very freeing and I defo look better! I get compliments from strangers (women)- can I just tell you how amazing your hair is?’
I'm not amazing looking so it is very nice to hear!

so OP, do it! You won’t regret it.😊

Dyed dark hair in aging skin also makes people look old, cause we are all getting older every day. Ignore the anti grey people.

I genuinely don't understand why some women try to keep up with covering grey's. The regrowth usually looks awful when dying grey hair to a dark colour. And honestly, it's just your hair, greying its what it does. You don't owe it to anyone to look a certain way, just do what you want.

My mother used to dye her hair black. I remember the horror of her growing it out. It put me off ever dying my hair!

Going grey is liberating.
Dying hair after a certain age is not fooling anyone and can look harsh if not professionally done.
A good hairdresser/colorist will know how to gradually take you through the process so take advice and go for it.

You’ll finally be freeeee!

I'm 44 and got fed up of the commitment to monthly hairdressers to cover my white hair. I did grey blending six weeks ago, I love it. Yes I probably look like I'm older than 44 but, the freedom and not having the growing in white every ten days has definitely been worth it.

I know some people don't like it by how they're not really mentioned the change, I was originally black and have been gradually getting lighter over the last few years but others have been so complementary.

I think my skin tone looks so much better now and I feel more put together.

I have a child still in primary school as well as older ones and all have been totally positive about it as has my husband!

Do what's best for you and remember, it's only hair, you can change it if you don't like it!

God, just do it. My friend is 55 and had dark brunette hair. In the last 12 months or so she has let it grow outs Initially she started with highlights to blend and then halved their number. Recently she had all of the last dyed bits cut out. Her hair is thicker, shinier and stronger and her entire wardrobe has changed as she looks and feels amazing and is exploring new colours. She genuinely looks years younger now than when she was dying it.

Once you stop dyeing your hair, you just notice the dyed hair everywhere and how "wrong" it looks on so many people.

I was still dyeing my hair into my mid 50s but, looking back at photos, it didn't look great. Other people resist you doing it because you will look different and it reflects back on them somehow.

You can always dye it again if you don't like it. Nothing is permanent (especially not hair dye 😀).

i went cold turkey and had the grow out stripe for some time, but honestly it didn’t feel or look bad. Just clip it up to make the pattern of it more of a feature. I stopped because I started to worry about all of the chemicals I was putting on my head and I was also worried I’d carry on for too long and end up with that really false dark hair and older face look later on. My hair is in much better condition now, I still have natural brunette mixed in and it’s fine. I would suggest following people on Instagram and TikTok, you’ll find a tribe of people embracing it. I also dislike people dictating what you should do with your own body. If it’s something you fancy then give it a go!

Surely your DP has put the not fair idea in DD's head? I can't imagine a child feeling like that otherwise?

I’ve been thinking about it too and thought some of these looked ok - https://flawlesshair.com/gray-blending/

Grey blending,it will cost a lot initially, then just embrace the grey..stuff everyone else. I was blond,so no grey, the front was pure white during lockdown,no hairdresser,it was past my shoulders. I had got fed up with my hairdresser anyway. Went into DFS, assistant had very fine hair, lovely cut. Asked for the name of her hairdresser, she had a salon at home. She said it would all have to come off,it was so thin. I started having blond lo lites. I didn't like her, pretty sure she didn't like me. FB memory came up,my hair was lovely!! I have a friend late 60s really long,lush salt pepper hair. When I changed to my now lovely hairdresser of 4 years, she thought my hair was actually lo lites to look like it did.

This 100%. Your hair, your choice what to do with it.
I was told once that my hair 'jarred' some people. It was a just past shoulder wavy bright blue bob, regularly hair dresser maintained so no regrowth etc and well cut.
I was a volunteer in a charity shop and several women my age had complained to the boss it wasn't fitting for someone in their late 50's.😄
They had the short grey hair, not my style in a million years.
I'm older now and still rocking my blue and if someone doesn't like it that's tough, I'm not confirming to the 'preferred' look of many older women.