Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

A lot of people are suggesting going blonde or getting blonde highlights. That to me really is the middle-aged woman’s uniform. You see it a lot and it flatters no one. I’m in France a lot an in the last 10 years it’s very common now to see see young women (30s) with untouched greying hair. They’re very stylish fashion wise but are obviously saying Non! to the tyranny of the hair police.

Im 49 this month and transitioning from dark brunette to grey with a few ash highlights. I was always warm brunette so was scared about ash but it looks great, I love it. I transitioned for same reasons as you. I told the hairdresser I dont want my hair to look neglected so it was a good compromise because it looks bright around my face and brought out the paleness of my complexion in a good way, not washed out.

I've got 2 friends (all earl 40s) who are embracing the grey. They don't look any older than of they coloured their hair.

Tell that to my Mum and Grandmother. Plus I didn't want to go blonde as my hair reacted badly to being lightened before.

It's not me. Yes, obviously a couple of years has passed but I also think she looks at least 10 years older. Maybe it's the combo of a not particularly edgy style with the grey. Whether looking older is a bad thing is obviously up to her.

Like this woman, I haven't changed the shape of my hair, I've just grown out the grey. There are times when I glimpse myself in a shop window and think, wow, I am OLD.

Have you thought about going blonde? It might be easier on the grow out and if you’re that grey/white under the dye, your skin might have lightened so blonde would look nicer.

Im currently still dying a little lighter than my original brunette, more of a dark blonde now, I’m a little younger than you and intend to go an ashy blonde once it’s more grey/white than brown, then transition to white hair.

It’s all about how you’ll feel op and if you hate it you can go back to dying it. I will say my hair is starting to go grey and my kids have all mentioned it and it reminded me of the relief I used to feel when my mum dyed her hair, but I think that was because she seemed happier and more ‘her’

Your DP is rude to say that. Not good role modelling for your DC and rude of your DC as well.

For me it’s about how much time and money and how many chemicals on hair/skin/body we’re willing to put up with to seek to remain sexually attractive to our partner (or potential partners if single) and comply with social pressure.

i dislike how my greying hair (perhaps 15-20%) looks and know DP would much prefer me to dye it, but although I comply with social norms in other ways (hair removal, make up, weight maintenance) I have chosen not to on this. it’d eat up more time and money than I’m willing to spend and I have a skin condition chemicals wouldn’t help.

It's weird isn't it as I would never express a negative opinion about someone's dyed hair to them directly.

Someone I know,in a professional capacity, used to dye her hair blonde. She has beautiful features and lovely brown eyes, both of which were missed with the blonde hair dye.
Anyway about 2 years ago she stopped and went grey. Fabulous cut and she looks stunning because her natural grey colour suits her.
For that reason alone, I would ditch the dye. Unless you have it done very regularly by a top hairdresser it never looks natural and seems to diminish otherwise attractive facial features.

I started colouring my hair at 38 or 39, I am now 58 and it is almost 10 weeks since my last root colour. I'm just over it. I don't particularly like the colour it becomes when the toner wears off and it starts to go brassy. I am 58 and my hair is fairly grey, which is normal. I have fine lines but otherwise really good skin, and maybe with grey hair I won't pass for 40 something any more but I don't care. Mid-August I am going to have grey blending (15 weeks of regrowth!)

if I wasn't in a work environment where professional appearance is very important, I might have just grown it out as my hair isn't quite shoulder length and it would have been done in 12-15 months. I have a great hairdresser though and she's happy to get the blending done and see me through the transition, so I thought why wait until I retire at 60, I can get started now.

My mum is 80 and still has hers dyed at home every 3-4 weeks by a mobile hairdresser. She was appalled when I said I was going to go grey! DSis had cancer at 49 and lost all her hair, I can remember her saying as it grew back that she didn't mind the short length but she did mind the grey! She's now nearly 61 and still colours her hair.

DH has incurable cancer and the other thing that's crossed my mind is that if I am going to be a widow, I might as well look like one.

Well I had almost black hair and started going grey quite early. Over the years, I have gradually gone down a colour starting from dark brown. My hair is now about 7/8 white and I dye it ash blonde. Although I dye my hair with a box dye, it doesn’t all come out the same shade as the dark and white hairs dye
differently so a bit like highlights. I can’t wait to go completely white as then I will just get blonde highlights.
When you age, your facial colouring goes lighter as well so if you continue to use a dark hair dye you will look fairly strange.

Here's Andie Macdowell during her young modeling days. Her hair always had a life of its own. Grey hasn't changed that.

I’m doing what Salma Hayek does which is cover some of the grey but let some of it come through to naturally highlight the hair - I run a box dye only through some of the grey and don’t dye it all every time as it will damage the hair

It’s a tricky one. I think most people who have grey hair do look older. However, so what?

You could try to colour your hair a lighter colour OP and it will be less tricky to maintain than brown hair.

I think grey/white hair is ageing and washes people out and it is one sure way to look like you have aged 10 years overnight.

But ultimately it is your choice and if you like the idea of having grey hair then why not.

I tried it and grew my hair dye out and I looked drab and awful. It just didnt suit my couring so as I have white hair all around the front I had an ash blond balyage. It lasts for 8 weeks and still looks fine so I dont have to waste loads of time in the salon.
You cant have a block colour with white or grey hair you'd be touching it up every 5 minutes.
Balyage is the perfect solution.

@spiderlight , john frieda go blonder shampoo and contitioner

I’ve gone to the hair dressers and had my hair dyed mushroom blonde with foils. It’s perfect as it’s an in-between colour that will help my greys and whites grow out.

I "embraced the grey" in my 30s, having dyed it for 10 years before that. I'm 42 now. Lockdown sort of forced it to grow out all in one, but for about a year before my hairdresser had been putting in ashy highlights to do it gradually. My hair had been very dark brown and I'd been dyeing it that, with occasional red in it. I was determined I wasn't going to gradually go blonde, which seems to be the "thing" here.
I'm glad I did it when I did as there wasn't too much of a contrast with the grey at that point, it's very white at the front now so it would have been very obvious. Even with cool toners in it, it always ended up very brassy when it was due a dye, which I really didn't like.
The only thing I don't like about now it is the texture, I'm naturally curly and a bit frizz prone, but it does tend to wiry, witchy frizz these days. Any product makes it feel heavy and greasy. My hair is a lot whiter at the front and on top, still quite dark underneath but with a nice salt and pepper to it.
The only person who has been negative about it is my sister. If anyone else around me has negative opinions, they've kept them to themselves. I do get compliments from time to time and one person I know told me she stopped dyeing hers because she liked mine.
I don't know if I look "older" , I just look like me. I'm outdoors a lot and don't use as much spf as I should, so I guess I've got wrinkles to match!!

To say something “ages” you means it makes you look older than you actually are. Grey hair doesn’t do that, in fact I think it’s the women with block box-dyed hair that look older because the hair doesn’t fit with their skin.

Wow, telling you it’s not fair on them? That’s pretty selfish.

I’m not personally a fan of going grey - or at least not till I eventually give in and do it - but it’s your hair and you can do what you like! In fact definitely do it now!

I am naturally a very dark brunette and I’m older so have some grey and I just go with the advice of my hairdresser .
She simply recommended going a lighter brunette because I simply wouldn’t suit blonde hair and apparently I don’t have as much grey as I thought I’d have at my age ( 60s )

After spending a fortune on having my hair coloured (£100+) over twenty years ago I decided enough was enough. Grew grey gracefully- many compliments on colour and it’s very soft. I do think it is important to have a hairstyle that would compliment it. I find long lank grey hair very unflattering on some people.
I did have a friend who went grey in her twenties and she always looked fabulous.

Yes I believe grey absolutely does make you look older than you are...

There are plenty of good home dye these days and if you go to a good hairdresser they work out what colour will complement your skin.