Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

Some people suit blonde hair and some people don’t

So why can’t some people not suit grey hair

I am supposing ash blonde suited you. So not a surprise that grey looks good on you

What if ash blonde looked awful on you. Would you have gone grey?

I had a nasty accident and broke multiple ribs and collar bone when I was 52. I decided that because I couldn't drive to visit the hairdresser, raise my arms to colour my own hair or even put my hair in a pony tail I would cut it all off for charity.. £1000 later and best decision I made.. 9 years later still no regrets.

Have blonde highlights, It will blend more and you’ll get more time between hair appointments. I

Gillian Anderson isnt grey- she's blonde

Blimey. Harsh comments from your nearest and dearest. Are they always that critical? Grey can look pretty awesome and the rigmarole with keeping up hair dyes is a total pain so go grey!!

I love the look of nice healthy grey hair. So much better than harsh dyes. Go for it.
(Though I’d also be very hurt at that reaction from family)

I am allergic to hair dyes (All hair dyes)

Beautiful natural colour ❤️

I was adamant that I would continue to due my very grey hair brown until on my death bed! My first grey hairs appeared when I was 18.
I used semi permanent at home, then started permanent at the hair dressers about 18 months ago.
Over the past 6 to 8 months I have been following a lot of grey blending reels and am taking the plunge at the end of the month.

I am hoping it will look intentional.

It's expensive to start, but I don't want the annoying demarcation stripe appearing after a matter of days.
When I see grey hair now. My thoughts are, that's lovely.
I'm 53, don't really like change but i am ready. If I decide I don't like it, I'll use semi permanent at home again, but lighter.

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).
DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

^^ this is insane. Not fair on DD that her mum's hair is doing what it naturally does? How bloody dare she!!! Unbelievable. You're crazy to even entertain maintaining a hairstyle that you don;t want to, just to please other people. How your DP and DD even thought this was appropriate to even say out loud is unfathomable.

Are you like this in other parts of your life?

Often times natural hair colour looks better so your instincts are not wrong and I think you should go for it

I started going grey quite early. I started to use home dyes to cover up then as I got greyer I had it coloured professionally. I'm now 69 and still have it dyed as my hubby prefers it! Im not normally one for doing as I'm told but for the time being have relented. So over the years I've gradually gone lighter so now it's not exactly blonde but very light brown. My roots don't show until about 5 weeks in. They used to show much earlier when I was darker

I stopped dying my dark brown hair just before lockdown, I was about 75% grey and 45ish. And it aged me terribly. I actually started using a colour depositing shampoo in purples and pinks (normal colours also available!), and I suddenly became very visible, no one forgets me when they meet me, I got promoted. It’s worked for me, and my hair is in much better condition now it’s not being dyed.

I think a lot depends on the state of your hair and how the grey looks TBH. And I think k it helps if your willing to change your make up.

Blimey OP, I'd have been upset if my DP or DD made those comments.
I'm 48 now & started going grey at 19...great genetics! I dyed it religiously my original dark brown until 2020. As I was in the vulnerable category I stayed in a lot so just decided to stop dying it! Yes, the regrowth inbetween stage was pretty bad but I was 'lucky' that the world was on pause at that point. Once hairdressers reopened my stylist cut my hair into a chin length bob to remove as much of the dyed hair as possible.
Now I have a shoulder length bob that is probably 90% silver & 10% grey. I've been asked where I get my hair coloured as I naturally have 'highlights' of differing silvery shades.
Does it age me? I'm not sure frankly. I'm the only one of my friendship group to ditch the dye & whilst they compliment my hair, none have taken the plunge!! It perhaps helps that my style is a little 'alternative" I suppose- i live wearing bright, sometimes clashing colours, have tattoos & piercings, it kind of all goes together. I may of course be lying to myself & we had an amusing situation at a Greek airport last year when my DD and I had taken my 77 yr old Dad on holiday....at the check in desk I was asked how my husband had enjoyed the break.....twas my Dad 😆 My 15 yr old DD thought that was hysterical & Dad was very flattered 😁. I put it down to her being in a rush & simply seeing the silver hair and assuming. Whilst it is gaining in popularity to ditch the dye it is still unusual for women. I think I look my age -48, but society is still used to women not showing their greys until older so some people may see me as older, but I don't really care frankly. I love my hair, it's the healthiest it's been in years and it's me. I say go for it, it's liberating!!

I went cold turkey about 9 months ago and the dye has nearly grown out. My hair is is wavy so "the line" was perhaps less obvious than if I'd had dead straight hair. Also, I was surprised to find I had streaks of natural dark hair all over, so it sorted blended together. Some days I think "what have I done", but mostly I think it's an improvement. When I look at pictures of before, I think the colour looked a bit odd.

I'm 57 and a lot of my friends have now ditched the dye - some through choice, others for medical reasons. I think we probably do look a bit older, but not weirdly so.

And I was visiting a school yesterday and a random teen told me my hair was cool, so can't be all bad!

Try it. I had advice from friends who said to keep dyieng mine as going grey was like " giving up". So, I went grey. Got it cut in what my hairdresser called a kick- ass style. Kept for about a month and just couldn't get used to it so I started dyeing it again. My sister on the other hand went a really nice uniform grey, has fantastic thick hair and looks great. All you can do is give it a try. You can change it back if you don't like it, but it should be your decision

I still remember the oblivious conversation in a team meeting about how all that grey in the hair was showing through the dye in the office mirrors- sat there with my mallon streak...and no dye..
I've also had the 'you could look 20 years younger' from ex.
What people completely fail to realise is I like it, it reminds me of my mum, and I can't get over how the idea of getting older is so horrifying for others. If you asked people do you discriminate, they'd say no. Do you value experience they'd say yes.
I want my kids to feel positive about older people. That means people who look older. I want them especially my daughter to be completely unafraid of ageing and not feel she needs to change her hair one iota because if the perceptions of others.
That's what choice means.
Seems simple to me.

Agree with DP and DD, sorry. Unless hair is completely, beautifully silver and looks intentional, that badger/mad, cranky, stripey witch look is awful, massively ageing, and looks haggard. Andie MacDowell, for example. A great-looking woman with absolutely tragic, ugly hair.

But of course, it's your head and your choice.

I grew mine out over lockdown and it looked crap. I was about 50% grey and I just looked faded and like I wasn’t taking care of myself properly, so I dyed it back to its ‘natural’ colour. When I dyed it back my DP said I looked about 10 years younger.

I’ve never coloured my hair, I’m 59 and have quite grey / white hair. I just don’t care about it, I am happy with my hair. I wouldn’t entertain comments about it looking aging from friends or family and perhaps that’s why I have only ever received one or two such comments, and those were from people I don’t know well. Do what you want OP.

In my 30s and most of my hair is now grey/white. I stopped dying it a couple of years ago.

I get lots of complements and I actually don't think it ages me at all - I style it well and use good product. Looks much better than it did when I was bleaching and toning it constantly!

I stopped dying my hair at 54, I'm so much happier with my hair now.

I stopped dyeing for a few months and used root spray sometimes to cover the greys, then I got it cut short, so most of the dyed hair was gone in a flash.

I love my new hair - it's salt and pepper, short and much cooler than the brown bob I'd been holding onto.

I say go for it - all I do now is rub a bit of wax through my hair to give it a bit of body and I'm good to go, no peering at my roots when I catch sight of myself in a mirror anymore, no wondering how soon I have to dye it again.

You can always dye it again if you want - that was a part of my plan, if I didn't like it I was going back to brown, so it was a trial rather than a lifelong committment.

With respect to your family op, I don’t think you should be giving them so much influence over your hair! You do what you want with it; the decision is yours alone.

And yes, grey hair can be ageing! My grey hair doesn’t suit me particularly but I am over sixty now and I place a higher priority on saving time and money not visiting the hair dresser so often and not putting chemicals down the drain.

I’m about the same age and have loads of grey. I think it a really brave thing to do and ditching the dye must be liberating.

My problem is I’m far, far too vain.

One of my friends has gone grey and has no regrets. I’ve got used to it but she definitely looks older and more washed out. AND she was mistaken for ‘granny’ at her son’s school. She laughed it off but I’d have been traumatised.

I think if you want to do it (and you’re not conceited like me), go for it.

It's entirely possible that the check in person assumed you were a younger trophy wife to a rich old man... They probably see more age gap couples and second/ third marriage offspring than they see grandad plus his daughter plus her daughter.

No advice but I’m the same, 7 years on you at 58.
I’ve done AI mock ups , tried on wigs. I look awful.
I don’t mind looking my age but I don’t want to look old and haggard.
I worry when I retire I won’t be able to spend the money on the upkeep.