Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

It’s your choice but going grey will make you look a lot older. If you’re fine with that carry on.

I think we need to examine what is wrong exactly with looking “older” or looking “our age” because it seems to be acceptable for men?

Yes! Kinda feel the same 🤣

I got my first greys at 17. I’ve seen some very young people on IG with grey hair. I think they look good though because they have nice skin not wrinkly.

Your partner and kid are not supportive and have negative views of aging and I'm sorry you don't have people with positive views of that in your life.

My oldest says she hopes she goes grey like I have, she wants the streak, and both mine say they hope they age like I have.

Attitude will negatively age you far more than hair colour. You might want to discuss their rigid views of what aging looks like with them because wanting you to dye your hair because they feel your choice of how to wear your hair reflects poorly on them is pretty selfish and outdated.

This also

I think your big problem here isn’t wanting to go grey, it’s your vile, superficial partner and child. How on earth can they be so self-absorbed that they think someone’s natural hair colour is ‘unfair’ on them. Put them both in the bin.

Same, except I'm 56 and I have blonde ends that have went a weird browny ginger colour . Sick of dyeing my hair . Been doing it since I was 15!

When you’re out and about, look at the hair of women your age and older.

It is incredibly unusual for dyed hair to look really good on older women. When dyed at home, honestly I think almost impossible.

Going grey is hard in many ways, and it is ageing, but not half as ageing as badly dyed and/or improbably coloured hair.

I think for those who go grey a bit earlier there’s definitely a case to be made for highlights or similar, but after 50, I think natural is better. Spend the money on the best cut you can afford.

I really think you need to unpick with them why they both think it's "unfair" of you to show visible signs of ageing.

How far will this go? Will they insist you have Botox or fillers or other cosmetic surgery? Will they restrict your diet?

If that was a man telling you to dye your hair, people would be saying he's controlling. And yes, I think both your partner and daughter are being controlling.

Could be! I Iaughed about it and it honestly didn't bother me but I get what you mean about a 3 generation holiday being unusual.

I still say embrace the grey 😁

I've never coloured mine. I'm 54. If people judge me for it, that's their problem,not mine.

I don't see what's wrong with looking my age. I've been through some shit times. It'd be weird if I looked like nothing in life had marked me.

Having taken the plunge years ago (and being blessed with a lovely natural grey/blonde as I discovered) I’d recommend it. But do make a plan with your hairdresser so that you enjoy rather than endure the growing out process.

If you like what you find, great. If not, you can always go back to dyeing.

I'm 45 and the grey wispy shorter hairs near my parting make me feel annoyed, and stick up in a horrible irritating way. My hair seems to be getting more frizzy and unmanageable as it goes grey, especially as it's very thick and dark with my half Chinese genes.

But. Honestly, I truly cant be arsed with the dye, chemicals, roots, upkeep. It all seems so expensive and such a faff. My DM said greys are ageing and I do agree with her in some ways, but I truly am past the point of giving a stuff these days 😅

Having said that, my friend who's a bit younger aged 38 stopped dyeing hers a couple of years ago and is different shades of grey, and told me she's been mistaken for a 50 year old...😳😬😳 So, that kind of doesn't fill me with confidence!😅

Your DP sounds so rude LOL.

With 75% of grey, I would let it all go grey. Go to a hairdresser who will blend the greys in with some lowlights, (as it's not all grey yet - it may look a bit messy.)

I am only about 15% grey (even in my mid-late 50s,) so can't 'embrace the grey!' There's barely any to embrace. It just looks like I don't care about how I look if the grey streaks come through, so I just pop a light-medium blonde dye on every couple of months.

I'm about 20% grey but have gone fully grey. So I'm dying it now to get it all over grey (still very dark at the back).

Honestly? It IS aging. I loved my dark brown hair, but I honestly couldn't be bothered with the dyeing every 4 to 6 weeks. Now I do it about 4 times a year. Much more manageable.

I do like the colour I've ended up with (a LOT of trial and error). It's a very ashy blonde which does mostly look grey. I'm not really a lighter hair person but I'm also not a high maintenance hair person so this is a compromise.

I take after my mother & have very few grey hairs. When roots come through I use the loreal root spray. It's expensive but worth it. You can buy cheaper versions but not sure about longevity etc. I definitely think going 100 % grey in your 50s & 60s even 70s is aging, not so much when you reach really old age but if it suits you why not.

Thankfully in time to edit. I never even considered mentioning women in their 30s & 40s going grey. My apologies,it just didn't cross my mind.

Sadly, going completely grey does make most women look older. I know it doesn't sit well saying that on here - but it does. Not like WAY older with most women, but older. (Men too.) I have seen someone (aged 50) have darkish hair, and no grey and they look 44-45. Then they went grey/stopped dying their hair, and looked mid 50s. I have never EVER seen anyone go grey, and look younger for it.

That's why I said to the OP to go to the hairdressers to get some lowlights in her hair, so it looks more balayage, and not just grey growing through her natural colour IYSWIM. And I would not EVER have been 'embracing the grey' at 38 like your friend. No way! 58 maybe. 38? Nope!

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Yep grey is aging. The only person I know who has done this and not aged herself 15 years is a woman who is extremely fit and dresses a bit ‘rock chick’. She also has quite a funky short hairstyle. Others that have given up dying look fine but definitely older. My MIL had white hair but she was over 70 when I met her and she was still a snappy dresser and it was always immaculate.
I started going grey at 17, and have been colouring since then (I’m 64). I recently put my face into ChatGPT and tried different grey variations (I’m almost white at the front). My god the result got me reaching for the L’Oréal! Why don’t you give that a try?

Not fair on the kids?! What’s it got to do with the kids? I had a friend at primary school whose mum had grey hair. I assure you that it made zero difference to her children’s lives!

I’m 69 and I’ve not coloured my hair since using Sun-in in my 30s. For what it’s worth I became a mum at 42 and he seems to have survived the trauma.

I will concede that I had fair hair to begin with so going grey was probably less of a shock. But even so, colouring isn’t a path I’d have chosen lightly because - even putting philosophical arguments aside - the upkeep is enormous and I’d far rather spend my spare cash on clothes.

I found my first grey/white hair at 17. I stopped dying it at 36. I'm now 50 and wrinkle-free (thanks to oily skin!), with 90%white hair.

It's healthier than it has been since I turned 14 and started my hair-dying journey, (red, blue, pink, black, purple -that was a favourite! Then boring brown to cover the greys).

Only one friend has been openly negative, but she's German and they're 'honest', she said I'd look really old, and that she'd never stop dying hers, I was polite enough not to point out that she has Playmobil hair.

I dress well and work with teenagers, so that keeps me young.

I'd also stop dying my hair out of spite, as a previous poster suggested earlier on. Fuck them, do what you like with two fingers up at the world.

Here's mine, OP. It's definitely not a huge amount of grey, but it does become noticeable if I sweep half my hair over in a side parting. I think the underside of my hair is greyer.

Annoying, but I'm hoping it might look like natural highlights or something 😬 😅

I don't think this is true tbh. Society has conditioned women that we shouldn't show signs of ageing. Men get called 'silver fox' etc when they go grey yet we are meant to cover all signs of the ageing process.
Going grey makes you look your age. Home dyed hair can look incredibly false, especially on someone nearing 50. We really need to take a step away from the expectations placed on us by society (and mainly men) that we cannot age x

It's your hair not theirs. I can't believe family members are telling you it's not fair on THEM if you let it go grey. Cheeky f-ers!

I'm mid 40s and about 30% great and I have no intention of doing anything to cover it or stop it. I have much more fun things to do with my time and money.