Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

I tend to think it just make you look about as old as you are. We've just got into this way of thinking because most women keep dyeing their hair until they are actually old. So grey hair = old to many people.

I fortunately dngaf about starting to look a bit older. I mean, I am a bit older! My priorities are looking after my health and learning new things, and laughing every day. I haven't given up, I just don't think colouring my hair will add anything to my life so I don't do it.

But the OP doesn’t box dye. The comparison shouldn’t be bad box dye vs grey, but good dye (generally a little lighter to match your new skin tone) vs natural grey.

This is akin to saying orange thick makeup looks worse than just bare spotty /uneven toned skin, well yes but the comparison to bare face should be a good colour matched foundation.

A good hairdresser won’t just keep putting the same colour on for years as your skin ages unless you insist on it.

Yeah, in that situation, I think putting a dye on it is better. You have so little grey that it would look better with the grey dyed. (Sorry, JMO.) I have about the same amount (maybe 12-15% grey,) though I am a mid blonde-ish/mousy naturally, so it doesn't show as much. Though after about 2 months it does start to seep through and the grey is obvious, and it looks like I don't care about how I look.

I stopped colouring my hair in 2019: bright white roots were visible after two weeks and i decided i didn’t want to commit to colouring it for years and years. I, no doubt, look my age. Do I care? No.
I care about how my body is ageing: can I plank, how’s my balance, am I flexible, how are my joints? The colour of my hair is completely irrelevant in terms of my long term health and goals.

I’m 46 and stopped colouring my hair a year or so ago. It’s pretty much grey all over, maybe still a little darker right at the back bottom layer. I love it, and get loads of compliments. My hair is fairly short, so there wasn’t a massively awkward growing out phase. Try it, you might like it!

I stopped dying mine at 47 and I have never regretted it. My DH and dd and my hairdresser told me not to, and all now agree it looks great. I am 52 and white all over, and honestly after all those years of dying (started going grey in early 20s) it’s such a relief not to bother

Alright - it makes you LOOK and APPEAR older than you actually are. Grey hair absolutely does that.

There you go, fixed it for you!

Also, what you said is a bit silly isnt it? - there is a huge middle ground between horrible harsh cheap boxed dye or grey 🤭

I use a professional colour (Loreal Inoa) on my hair that I mix up myself - I use three different shades of caramel/blonde and it looks stunning. I dont have the skin tone to carry off grey and from what Ive observed very very few people do- it tends to be very harsh

They have no more right to control or tell you what to do than a man does! If they're arguing you'll look older, then given many people naturally grey in their 30s, then the only problem is we all do it. What's next, everyone has to have a face lift at 50?
Your body, your choice. And you'll get all that time and money back. A lot of people look far better grey-at a certain point, hair like a 20 year old becomes unrealistic. But that's not the point-everyone should do what they want as long as they're not hurting anyone.

I'm 54 and 18 months into my grow out. I was box dyed brown and now I'm naturally light brown with lots of silver/blonde babylights. Not at all how I imagined it would grow out but I absolutely love it. Does it make me look older? I honestly couldn't give a rat's arse if it does, but actually it suits my skin far more than the dyed brown did. Going grey is a patriarchy double standard I'm happy to challenge.

That's such a sweeping judgement that it makes women look and appear older than they are. Have a look at the #silversisters hashtag on IG and tell me honestly that you think all those women look older than their age. Clue: they don't, they look amazing.

I think grey hair is usually very ageing. But it suits some folk very well and isnt ageing on them. Try it and see.

Who cares if it makes you look old! I’m 54 and growing out the dark brown box dye, I’m done! I don’t give a crap if it ages me, who am I trying to impress - nobody! I eat well, I’m healthy, active and exercise daily. Love fashion and take interest in following the latest trends, but I am 54 and I have no shame in that, same as making a choice not to fill my face with Botox or any other tweakments.

It's not a judgment - they do look older. I never once said looking older was wrong or that women shouldnt look older and women must dye their hair. People can do whatever the fuck they like to their own hair.

But it does make them look older. Sorry but it does.

The fact you brought it up at all suggests you think its a bad thing

Er... the thread is about the topic and the OP asked for opinions. I havent started a topic telling people they ought to dye their hair 😂

I could equally ask why this is making you so angry if you are so sure grey hair is flattering and youthful

Yeah, and your opinion is that looking older is a bad thing! I.e. "wrong"!

Im not even vaguely angry 😆 Just pointing out your contradiction!

Can you link to where I said looking older was "bad" please?

And its certainly not me trying to look youthful!

PLEASE do not take this advice @Rainallnight 'Going blonde or getting blonde highlights is the middle aged woman's uniform!' What a ludicrous and misogynistic comment. And maybe in France (supposedly!) women as young as their 30s leave their hair to go grey (even though most French women have dark hair?!) So what? Doesn't mean all women should do it! No woman in the UK that I know has EVER let the grey come through in her 30s. And very few in their 40s... As I said, it's largely a Mumsnet thing. I don't know ANY women in real life, who 'embrace the grey' in their 30s!

'Going blonde or getting blonde highlights is the middle aged woman's uniform' sounds like the sort of thing a few men I know would say.

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Oh just read my post - you mentioning it in this context implies its a bad thing. A downside that the OP should take into consideration

Your hair is exactly that - YOUR hair. It's up to you what you want to do with it. You're the one having the hassle of the hairdresser trips and I well understand that sinking feeling when the grey creeps back (I'm 47 and did the blonde thing instead). You could get a modern fucky cut that offsets the ageing aspect of the greyness? Basically though, they'll just have to suck it up and they will get used to your new appearance over time. My mum went fully grey about 15 years back from always dying it dark but has a short haircut that suits her and she looks good and younger than her years. Talk to your hairdresser about what happens if you go fully grey and then change your mind.

No it doesnt. It's factual that grey hair is associated with older age. That isnt judgmental, it's factual.

My first post in this thread was:
I mean, noone should be being rude about it but it's pretty obvious that grey hair is ageing. Simply because it's a sign of being older isnt it?
Thats factually correct. I dont see it as a personal judgement at all- when I see a person with grey hair they always look older to me than if they had their original hair colour. Thats because I associate grey hair with older people and also because grey is not really a universally flattering shade - its quite pale and draining.
It's really your choice - if you want to go grey then do it and fuck them all but I do think it will make you look older.

If you take that as a personal criticism then thats on you.

@Diamondwallpaper I agree. No matter how much anyone denies it/doesn't like to hear it, grey hair is ageing. On men AND women!

You are making a mistake to think it's a choice between colouring or not colouring.

You need to go to a more sympathetic colour to go with your grey - dying largely grey hair brunette will always be a huge faff.

You need something that is more grey friendly so the grey does not show up quickly, like some sort of ash blonde..