Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

I didn’t expect this thread to get so busy or so heated in parts!

Thank you so much for all the replies. Still working my way through them.

I’ve got to say, I don’t think DD and DP are as horrible as people think, though I can see how their comments have come across. I think DP and I both worry a bit about the kids going through school etc as the adopted kids of older lesbians, and we’re always a bit wary of anything of anything that might cause them embarrassment or to stick out (more). You may or may not agree with that as a perspective but we’re the ones in the thick of it.

DD is 10 and has no side to her at all! She’s a bit autistic and was probably just telling it as she sees it. I’m not offended.

I think I probably feel like it’s ageing too but it’s a question of whether I could carry it off. Huge thanks for PPs who’ve shown pictures for inspo!

This. It's an absolutely shocking ageist and misogynistic thing to say.

I'm mid 50s, thick wavy layered shoulder length grey hair and I'm smokin' 😁

I tell you what OP, men don't get those shitty comments so in my book that's good enough reason to do it. It is after all your hair and you are entitled to wear it how you want.

I grew my grey out around five years ago and was about 80% grey/white by then. Loved it for a couple of years and was very pleased to be free of all the associated faff, then got used to it, then became bored with it and finally decided to go back to the dyeing at the end of last year.

One thing I would suggest is that if you do go for it and find that you change the colours you wear, think twice before discarding any good quality, nice clothes in your previous colours. I got rid of stuff I still liked but which no longer suited me when grey, only to regret it when \i went back to the dye.

I was 100% convinced nothing would make me colour my hair again, yet here I am. Not in any way saying you might regret going grey, but it's just something to bear in mind.

I grew the dye out of my hair a few years ago and loved it (I really liked the in between stage too where it was kind of ombré). But then my DH hated it as well as a couple of my friends so I went back to dying it and I regret it. Would love to go back to grey.

it is the upkeep. I dye it and it only looks good for about 2 weeks then the line starts again.
so much money and time spent at the hairdressers. I would do it myself but I know I would do a good job.

Theres loads of people on social media who show their grey hair “journey”. You could get some great ideas for styling it on there. I bet it will look beautiful.

Lovely picture, and you look like the hairdresser has turned you grey (ie ‘fashion grey’’) rather than due to age. You also have colour in your cheeks and smooth skin, which helps a lot!

DH has incurable cancer and the other thing that's crossed my mind is that if I am going to be a widow, I might as well look like one.

@thornbury I was sad to read this, I guess your hair is the last thing on your mind right now

Yeah I’d be quite interested to see what I look like with brown hair too I suppose. Not interested enough to go back to dyeing it every week though.

Thank you for your kind comments. The irony is that I’m honestly so pasty and pale that I ‘have to’ use a couple of tanning drops in my moisturiser and a rosy blusher! And my skin is only smooth now after decades of acne and then discovering Tretinoin a few years ago!

I get more compliments on my colour now than I ever did when it was dyed! I use a purple shampoo once a week to counteract yellowing from heat etc.

Some people really do react strongly to this, don’t they?!
I stopped dying my hair my “natural” colour a few years ago. I had the whole thing dyed a blonde-y grey colour and basically ruined my hair, then grew that out and am now fully grey. I was so fed up of getting a badger stripe a couple of weeks after paying nearly 200 quid.
Those posters suggesting dying hair blonde rather than going grey - blonde really doesn’t suit some people. Me included. I often see much older women than me with blonde dyed hair that really doesn’t go with their skin tone.
My MIL is in her 80s and dyes her hair a really weird golden colour which doesnt not suit her skin tone at all. Her roots are completely white, a beautiful colour that would look so much better. But she’s adamant she’ll keep dying.

Like lots of posters on here, I’ve had lots of compliments since I went grey. I’m lucky that it’s a nice shade that looks a bit highlighted as there are quite a few different shades running through it. I agree that it’s liberating.
And, not that he would anyway, but DH certainly couldn’t complain as he’s been going grey since his late 20s and is now almost completely white at the age of 54!

I understand where you're coming from, as the older mum of adopted kids. A fellow adopter kept her 60th birthday quiet from her then 10 year old as he would have freaked out. It's about the potential for loss as well.ad not wanting to feel any more different or outside the mainstream than they already do as adoptees. I didn't do my grey experiment until mine were adults. TBH id probably hang fire for a bit

I do find the grey haters weirdly aggressive about it. My mum is like this. I'm in my late 30s and am going grey naturally, as more women my age seem to be doing and my mum HATES it. She is almost 70 and still dyeing her hair and frankly, it's not fooling anyone.

But I would never say to a woman that dyes her hair "that looks really fake", whereas people seem to think it's fair game to comment negatively on those of us greying naturally. It's their own insecurity I imagine.

I'm in my thirties and already have significant greying, even white for some of it to be honest, against my natural dark brown. Ive never coloured it and I have no intention of ever doing so. Other than trying out some funky bright or pastel colours maybe for example but nothing to 'hide' the grey. Nobody in my family has gone grey young so no idea why it's happening to me but it honestly doesn't bother me. I don't have the time, money nor inclination to commit to colouring it. I get my hair cut about twice a year for example and have never had my nails done, just to illustrate that I'm not really a salon goer except for threading. My DM is absolutely scandalised by my decision and regularly tells me to dye it but other than that nobody's been impolite enough to comment. My kids are young, eldest has only just started to notice, husband couldnt care less either.

I’m the same with blonde. I did have blonde babylights put through when I originally let it grow (I’m not allergic to bleach) but I hated it because it just wasn’t me. My natural colour was previously a deep, cool brown and the blonde just looked odd and didn’t suit me at all.

Covering up my grey just became harder and harder, as my hair just got so resistant to dye, even salon dyes. So in 2019 I decided to grow it out. No regrets. I'm 65 now and it's still long and wavy I don't give a shit if it's age inappropriate! I use La Riche Directions semi permanent colours to add streaks and highlights. So easy as has no bleach, just like using a conditioning hair masque, no smell either. Gently fades away after 8 washes. There's loads of funky colours and the tubs last forever, so I'm always switching it up . Currently pink and apricot! Grey hair doesn't have to be boring!

This! Any family member who told me what I should be doing with my appearance would be firmly put in their place.

It's your hair OP, no-one else has any say in what you do with it. My hair isn't totally grey yet (I'm 66) but I have quite a few grey hairs, I've never coloured my hair in my life and don't intend starting.

Hi Op I started going grey by choice about 5 yrs ago aged 54. I started with having highlights in so it was a gradual transformation. But honestly after about 18 months I got fed up of the expense and had my hair cut off to get rid of the rest of the colour. My hair is now a mix of white silver and darker grey ( all natural but not necessarily even ). I loved the short hair so kept it. It’s naturally curly and I quiff it up too. DD is 17 and thinks it looks fab

Come on. That's a bit unfair to paint them like that for having an opinion about what grey hair might look like. It is a signifier of older age, and also people for the most part just don't like change.

I would love to see what’s going on under all my hair dye but terrified at the same time.

If my family told me that I would embarrass them by going grey I would do it to spite them.

I saw a woman in the supermarket yesterday with grey hair in a kind of wild, wavy style. She looked absolutely stunning. I had to consciously stop staring at her she looked so good.
There isn’t anything wrong with grey hair, plenty of men go grey.
I do think older women with dyed blonde hair look unnatural 90% of the time. The yellow tone really doesn’t suit them and looks obviously fake. If you do dye your hair blonde, then avoid the yellow blonde at all costs, go more silver/grey/white.
Op if I were you I would either stop dying altogether, or try that planter shampoo. Then after say a year of using the shampoo, you could stop and your hair will have much longer grey segments which look fine.
Fwiw I’ve stopped dying my hair. I would estimate I’m only 15% grey. I have had people ask if I have the grey/light streaks put in, the rest is brown. My hair different subtle shades now due to natural highlights from the sun. When I tell them no it’s natural they have all said wow, it looks so good.

You got me thinking about this. My DM and all her friends dyed their hair religiously to avoid the greys. But back in the 80s and 90s, they all had very short hair styles (Mrs Brown style) so maintenance would have been quick and cheaper. And I remember my mother have 2 gray spots on her temples, which would have blended nicely with longer hair, but didnt with short hair. Over time style moved on and they all ended up age 70+ with identical blonde bobs.
My generation all have shoulder length and longer hair and a number of us aren't dying out the greys. Our mothers are also horrified!

Until recently I did have blond highlights to intersperse with the grey, unfortunately the grey is too dominant now, I do think I may need to rethink my makeup though.

The vast majority of women from youth right through to old age colour their hair. Whether it's to hide the grey or due to shade preference, what's the difference. A relative in her 70s had silky pure white hair in a bob. It was beautiful with her glowing skin & natural rosey cheeks. It's a choice & if it makes you feel better to colour your hair, why not.

You are completely and totally missing the point. The op is about being put under pressure to cover natural hair colour, because apparently a woman aging is 'embarrassing'. There are people on here who seem to believe choosing to be your natural hair colour isn't a legitimate choice. Feeling obliged to cover your grey out of a sense of shame is completely different to choosing a different hair colour because you like the shade

I'm not missing the point. I said if it makes you feel better colour it. It obviously wouldn't make the OP feel better as she wants to remain natural. The majority of posters have changed the narrative. They are talking about grey hair making women look older. I was addressing this point & suggesting it doesn't matter about the opinions of others. As I said, it's a choice.