Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

I think you need to go grey to teach your daughter that you do not exist to look pretty for other people.

It's a really important thing to know. It's really important to know that what people look like does not define them - or does she think people with facial differences/acne/scars are somehow lesser people?

You look the age you are. Different people look different at different ages.

It’s not about grey hair being bad or ageing being bad it’s about the fact that grey hair objectively makes you look older. It’s just a fact. Only older people have grey hair therefore it is associated with being older. If you see someone from behind with long grey hair and can’t see their face you wouldn’t assume they were a teenager you would assume they were much older.

I don’t know why people are being so weird about this. People go grey as they age, it’s literally a sign of getting older so of course it will age you! And it also applies to men too!!

I agree, especially when my friend went grey so young. She wasn't grey when I met her, but i presume it was because she had dyed hair. That probably meant she was grey even younger... 😳 and, not to sound an unkind friend as I love her and she's fab, she certainly looks very much "older" than her age, especially with the way she styles it too. She's bubbly and friendly and fun, and I think the darker hair looks better. But I totally understand and respect her choice. I'd be hypocritical to say otherwise as I'm not going to dye mine either lol 😅

It can't age you - you are the age you are.

What you mean is that you appear older - it's just appearance.

If you have your face injected with toxins or cut apart by cosmetic surgeons then you can appear younger - you haven't got younger.

It's just a pretence, a costume.

It's time to accept how different people look without pressuring them to harm themselves or spend lots of money to look the way other people prefer.

I think there is more of a trend now to let hair go grey, and I would be pretty annoyed at a DP telling me not to do something as I would look old….
There is a mum on the school run who I guess is probably late 40’s her hair is totally grey and it looks beautiful. It makes her look striking, not old, it probably helps it’s in beautiful condition. Her child is the same age as my youngest (6) she doesn’t stand out as old, I think she’s more noticeable because of her hair colour but not in a negative way.
If you don’t want to fully go grey instead of using a dark hair colour, I would go lighter. One of my best friends used to dye her hair brown but is now blonde as the grey doesn’t show up so much so can go longer without having to have it redone.
My hair is white/silver at my temples now (early 40’s) and I have silvery white strands throughout but because I’m naturally a dark blonde/mousey brown with lighter blonde natural highlights running through from the sun it’s not really that noticeable.
I refuse to colour it because I really wouldn’t be arsed enough to keep on top of it.
Your hair, your choice!

I have just decided to embrace the grey. My friend of the same age is horrified. We are 70. I think dying your hair at 70 probably looks worse. My friend doesn't look younger. She looks like a 70 year old with dyed hair. What's the point.

I think at 70, it’s ok as your face has generally caught up with your hair.

I’m astonished by your DP and DD saying it’s “not fair” on them, that bonkers- it’s not like you’re proposing to quite washing or wear a bin bad.

Personally I’d look into finding someone who can do decent grey blending so you can grow it out as a solid line looks odd and if your hair is long will take ages to work out, but I’d definitely do it. Will make your life so much easier and depending on the kind of grey you have it can look lovely. I fully plan to do once I get over 25% grey

I agree with this. They sound quite selfish.

My early 40’s partner is grey and it doesn’t affect my life at all. I’ve stopped plucking and am letting my 10 grey hairs grow out.

I don't agree with saying women who colour their hair or use enhancing cosmetics are all trying to look younger as if that's the primary reason, or that they have issues with getting older. I'm in my 60s & well preserved. I colour my hair & use cosmetics because I enjoy the results the same way I enjoy wearing the latest fashions if they suit me. It's not always about fear of aging or looking older. It's about making the most of yourself & being happy in your own skin.

Go for it! I stopped with the dye in my early forties.( now 56) I'd had enough of the chore... fighting the incoming tide, the appearance of a white stripe ws depressing.
Yes there were a few comments from the doubters but I was determined to follow through and ignored them
No partner. No problem.
It was so interesting to discover that the changes on the top of my head would reveal the inner workings of other people's heads and how bold they were with their comments. But all I get is compliments.
In fact it was liberating. Freeing! Have a plan. My hairdresser was amazing although I had to grit my teeth through the badger/ chessboard era.

I've been going grey since I was early 20s and dyed it dark brown (my natural colour) until I was 48. It had gotten so grey/white that I was colouring the roots every 2 weeks so I decided to take the plunge.

Like you, a lot of people tried to talk me out of it. I think my hair was such a huge part of my identity (long, thick, shiny and often admired) that people struggled to imagine me without it.

I used dye stripper at home a few times and then went to a hairdresser for proper colour correction with bleach. I achieved a really nice caramel blonde shade (see first picture) that didn't leave too harsh of a demarcation line as the grey came in.

I've been gradually cutting the blonde out to leave just my grey - should all be gone by the end of this year. It's been a process though. My hair seems to change colour every time I wash it. I even have a couple of dodgy looking pink patches that AI tells me is mineralisation? Picture 2 is now, nearly two years on.

I definitely suit the lighter colour better and lots of people have said I look younger than I did with my dyed dark hair but I do think it's just more flattering to my skin tone rather than that I look younger.

Not having to dye it any more is amazing though!

This picture is an example of how being grey makes a person look older, sometimes it's undeniable.

I've grown out nearly all mine and I do hanker after blonde from time to time, but I'm kind of fascinated by my evolving look (in a 'car crash can't look away' type way sometimes).

Is your partner usually a controlling, insensitive idiot?

When I stopped colouring my hair everyone had an opinion. I was saying it as a thing I was going to do that I felt proud of, but everyone felt it was OK to express a negative opinion. I think it looks great, and I get complimented on it. I love the freedom and authenticity of it.

It depends what is meant by old. You can look old and amazing, or you can look old and drawn. Swap old for grey in that sentence and the same applies.

My skin colour simply doesn't work with grey. When I went grey, my skin seemed to go grey, too. And I genuinely seemed to age a decade very quickly, and not in a good way. Suddenly I found people were asking me if I was okay or telling me I looked tired. I looked in the mirror and yes, I looked tired and grey skinned.

So I started having warm blonde highlights, and suddenly I was getting 'you look well' instead. My skin gained a kind of reflected warmth and I looked much healthier.

I don’t ever intend to dye mine. I’ve not done it since I was 22 and I am late forties now.
I have some grey coming through and I’m fully intending to embrace it. I think it looks beautiful on women and I’m hoping I get the same result

I will be the old lady in the nursing home having regular visits from a hairdresser, I will colour my hair til my dying day!

I only just turned 40 and I've taken the plunge. I've grown out about 50% and I'm very silver.

I'd be furious if my teenagers dared to voice an opinion on how it affected them. Fuck that. As it happens, my teens think it's "really cool".

It’s the most liberating thing you’ll ever do! You’ll only look old if you dress like an old person and ditch make-up and skincare. If you need inspiration look up Sarah Harris. She’s a stunning woman, younger than you and has always had grey hair; Anna Murphy and Christine Lagarde too.

Old skin and dyed hair is never a good look. Go for it!

But this person (who looks lovely ‘before’ and ‘after’ - not sure if it’s you @ICantStomachWhelks or just an example) IS older in the second pic. It takes at least 2 years to grow out even mid length hair. In our 40s we do age more quickly, so naturally she’d look older ‘after’. And if she looks older (ie her age) it’s not in a bad way. Why do we want people to think we’re younger than we are? I think the silver looks beautiful on her.

But you don’t dye greying hair your old natural colour. You dye it lighter.

Me too.

I'm late 40s and very low maintenance. I'm in a hobby group with women in their 50's and 60's and have decided that the ones who have embraced their grey (mainly those in 50s) look far better than those who are dying dark brown and blonde (mainly in their 60s). So that's my plan. I have mousy hair that goes blonder in summer so until last few years the greys have blended well with natural highlights.

It is amazing how differently people think about things. Each to their own and yours is demonstratably the majority opinion amongst my peers, but I think and see things so very differently.

I thought Andie McDowell in 'The Maid' looked amazing. Granted I don't think red carpet still-photos with heavy foundation/makeup do her justice... She is beautiful and I suspect much more so when she is looking her completely natural self.