Going grey against the advice of pretty much everyone?

[Rainallnight]

I’m 51. Look ok for my age - not amazing, not awful.

I have at least 75% grey hair which I colour faithfully to maintain my original brunette.

However, I just feel like I’m done. With the hairdresser trips, the grey showing after about five days, the covering up, the expense.

I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge to go grey but everyone around me is dead set against it.

None of my friends have done and think it’s ageing (though none of them are as grey as me and don’t have the upkeep).

DP - who is a women and who does keep up her hair to be fair - says I’ll look old and it’s not fair on the kids (we are old parents).

DD also says I’ll look old and not fair on her.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

I'm a couple of years younger and just stopped dying my hair in lockdown. My hairdresser loves my natural colour. I am very grey but I just own it. My immediate family call me old lady but I really don't care. Some people don't get to this age

Some kids, esp teens, are embarrassed by anything their parents do or say. D probably did say it.

Your hair , your choice and I’d be pretty cross at your partner if I were you as that is such a shallow attitude . I’ve never coloured my hair as it was a nice light blonde , the greys came in and now people actually ask me what colour I use as it is probably my best feature .

She said she was an older parent, so presumably DD is not a teenager

I don't understand these attitudes. Natural grey hair is totally OK now. Loads of people have it.

I'd just ignore everyone and do what you want. I've been natural for years and don't miss the bleach/ dye maintenance faff at all.

Entirely up to you. I have two friends who stopped colouring their hair, and they both look way older, which was enough to confirm to me I am going to keep doing it. Another friend stopped for a few years, looked great but defo older, and has started again. Each to their own.

I went grey during lockdown and have never been sorry. At some point you have to, else your face looks older than your hair which is not a good look on anyone. I worked with someone whose hair had gone completely white by the time she was 30, and it was very striking. I also worked with a couple of people who'd dyed their hair white - you might try that?

I'm growing my grey out at 47. I wish it was striking white grey, but sadly its iron grey

The worst part is the brown ends from where I'd previously bleached it. I can't wait for it to grow out

It is up to you but surely if you have 75% grey then you should be dyeing it a lot lighter than mid brown. Of course your roots will stand out. How about grey blending?

I have a friend who I didn’t know pre full grey, she was mid to late 40’s when we met, 10 years older than me. I didn’t bat an eyelid and just thought it really suited her and she looked great. In 15 years she looks like she’s barely aged at all unlike most other people my age & older.

DD is clearly following DP’s lead in saying it’s not fair on her. Try it, you can always re dye it. You won’t know until you try. It’s your choice to make though.

OP said she was 51 in op. It was mentioned up thread 'surely your h hasn't put the idea in d's head'. That's why I assume if OP is an older parent she probably has an early / mid teen. Not that is matters because her h and d shouldn't be trying to foist their anti grey hair ideas on OP.
I have my hair professionally coloured because I love it and it's fun. Not bothered about the age thing. I have very good skin for my age, thanks to genetics and life style.

I think it can look amazing. I’ve got no intention of covering up any grey or silver, although I’m beginning to think I’ll probably never go grey as my mum didn’t apart from the odd strand here and there and she was nearly 90.

You can always colour it if you don’t like it but you might love it too!

Can we see it?

i have completely natural white hair now ive stopped dying it. Same age. For some reason I seem to have inherited the kind of white that looks platinum blonde with brown low lights (old hair colour). I don’t know how I’ve managed it and literally had someone cross a shop to ask me whether it was my hair today, so I know i won the genetic lottery with that.

Having said all of that if my hair had gone a steely grey colour with age im not sure I’d have left it. I know someone who had beautiful red hair and now has steely grey hair and I do think it’s aged them, so I can understand your husbands concern but at the end of the day it’s your hair and your life. If your happy then let it go grey. There’s lots of those tinted shampoos out there now that could add some tone to it.

Be very careful about deciding to go grey, although you do have the option of changing the colour

I hate my grey hair.

I can’t dye it

It looks like a wig someone has suggested for me to try to see if a colour suits me.

It doesn’t

I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I definitely look older than my age because of it

5 years ago when I still had my auburn hair was regularly told I looked late 30’s

Now people think late 60s

I started going grey in my late teens/early twenties. At 38 i took the plunge - kind of.. Went into the hairdressers with shoulder length brunette hair, came out with an ash blonde pixie. Eventually overtime I stopped colouring and at 46 I now have a grey bob and no, it doesnt make me look old. I've had many a stranger tell me they love the colour and how great it looks.

I say, let it come through OP, if thats what you want. And if you (ignore everyone else) dont like it, colour it again.

Why can't you dye it?

This is honestly extraordinary that you aged 30 years. It's not exactly the usual scenario when people go grey

Can people read the op properly - dp is a woman not a dh.
I had a couple of false starts and my advice would be cut it as short as you can bear and go cold turkey. All the extra costs of faffing with highlights (which go yellow without regular maintenance) or strip dying etc was not worth it.
i think people think im older because they see grey hair not because i look any older. I definitely look better than the women i say with dark brown box dye and white roots and I wanted to avoid that.

I decided to take the plunge aged 39 and probably had 80%grey. Dyeing was a total nightmare as my "natural colour" was dark and I ended up looking like a badger within 3 weeks of a colour.
Grew it out for 6 months and then got a short choppy cut from a sympathetic hairdresser. Then the last bits looked less obvious and kind of a style.

Had lots of complements on my grey and feel much freer now I am approaching 50.

My Mum and Grandmother were dying their hair dark brown/black well into their late 70s. I was determined not to end up like that

This! Can't say I've ever asked my family for hair suggestions, I just do what I want.

Exactly this. Continue putting potentially damaging chemicals onto you, absorbed into your body, just because of societal ideals about how women must never dare to visibly be what they are, ie their actual age!? Big nah. Terrible way to let a child think, that they can tell others how to look. DP is being a shit example here.

@tarheelbaby- what tinted shampoo do you use, please?

If your teen is anything like mine your mere existence can be an embarrassment, if you want to stop dying it go for it.

My mum didn’t like me going great. She said it aged her. She dyed hers up until she died. I lost mine at 50 (chemo) and let it grow back grey. In my 60s now and it looks great. Steely grey, white at the front, possible some dark brown at the back. Cut into an edgy style. Striking and distinguished and no one bothers to look at me in the street any more so quite liberating too.

Go for it 💪🏻

None of us would like our male partners dying their hair unless they are a rock star , who of course , are excluded 😂

I am about to quietly go natural , my daughters dislike the idea of it, but I think it will look fine. I’m secretly channeling my idols Kristen Scott Thomas and Gillian Anderson - if only !

I stopped colouring mine during covid. It was such a faff keeping grey at bay and let's face it we have to make that move eventually. My MIL is 91 and still dyes her hair!