Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

I love the clothes that look best on me - so I guess I dress for my shape because I feel better in stuff that works with and for me iykwim?

I’m considerably older than you, and I have for some time rejected the ‘flattering’ mindset. It’s so restricting. And essentially, it’s about the male gaze.

If you enjoy clothes, choose the clothes you love. Colour, shape, fabric. What pleases you? What makes you feel wonderful?

I’m a pear shape also, but didn’t dress for my shape, mainly out of ignorance. Now I know what styles ( and colour palette season) suit me, I dress alot better. The pastels of the eighties was not a good look for me in retrospect, but we all wore it because it was fashionable.

… and if you like a dress that doesn’t suit you, wear it. Life’s too short!!

Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that?

There are several posters who are older than you who are not interested in dressing to flatter your figure. I'm one of them. I've no idea if I'm an apple, triangle whatever.

If I like something, it's made in my size and it fits, then it's for me.

I'm not interested in finding out "my colours" either.

I'm a few years older than you and could have written that first paragraph myself OP. And it's fucking ridiculous and I'm so annoyed that I gave it so much brain space. So now I wear shorts when it's hot and I feel like it. I may not have completely got rid of those thoughts, but I'm giving it a damn good try.

I wear clothes that fit and are comfortable: once I get dressed I don't want to have to think about or adjust my clothes.

However I am older and have decided comfortable is crucial to what I choose to wear.

Start pleasing yourself. Small steps. Buy the dress, shorts or top. Wear it and be confident. Enjoy your body

Wear whatever you like and that makes you happy. I don’t dress for my figure as I can never remember the “rules” so I just wear what I like 🤷🏻‍♀️

Colours I'm less concerned by. I don't really wear black because I find it dreary, but I probably have items in most other colours and don't really think it matters.

I'm also not really looking to just be "comfortable" as such. I still want to wear interesting and stylish things that I like, I just want to care less about having my knees out on a hot day because I can still hear my mother's voice in my head commenting on my thunder thighs.

I'm more than 20 years older than you op and I got very into dressing to flatter my shape in my mid 40s-50s. I read Trinny and Susannah's books, purely out of interest at first because I loved clothes and they were having their big moment.

At that point I was really quite content with my body but their basic premise seemed to be that you must recognise your 'defects' (their words as I remember) in order to disguise them. By the end of the book, I had diagnosed myself with:
Disproportionately large thighs (I even learnt a new word - 'Saddlebags'!)
Not much of a waist
Flabby arms
A wobbly jawline
An arse bigger than my boobs.
Even a short neck (actually this one still makes sense as I've never liked polo necks).

Before I knew it, I'd drawn up a list of all the things I 'couldn't' wear and was making self deprecating 'jokes' about having thighs like tree trunks and jowls you could see from space. All nonsense but I believed it.

I'm not entirely sure what snapped me out of it but a good friend started avoiding going shopping with me and, when I asked her why, mumbled something about me turning very negative. So it might have been that.

I've still internalised some of it e.g. I insist on sleeves at all times. But at least I now joke about what an idiot I was rather than how big my thighs are.

I dont wear things that don't suit me because there is plenty that does suit me.
I tried on a very tight top yesterday and it made me look really scrawny so I sent it back. A slightly looser top suits me much better. Thin women can also look awful in certain things. Id rather go out feeling confident than deliberately bringing attention to my worst areas.
But if a hobby means Im going to be wearing an unflattering garment then Ill do it anyway because Im not going to limit my life by not doing things I love.

The clothes I like and feel good in tend to be the clothes that make me look good. So in that sense I dress to flatter my figure. But I certainly don’t adhere to any rules about not showing this bit or that bit, or dressing for a certain age. If it makes me feel good, I wear it. If particular clothes do that for you, I’d just muster up a bit of confidence and wear them.

I’m 48 with a pretty normal 48 year old body and have spent the day messing around in boats in short shorts, a bikini top and my husband’s shirt. I’m sure that broke many people’s rules, but I was comfy and reckon I looked pretty hot in the right light, from a good angle.

I am 54, it's 32 C in London today, and I am wearing a sleeveless blouse and tiny shorts because they are comfy. They are not particularly flattering, but I do not care.

Yep, older than you and ‘too fat’ to wear shorts 🤦‍♀️ even at 7 stone something.

Now the reality is that my legs are my worst feature, they are wobbly, cellulitey, with thick calves.

I have pressed the ‘fuck it’ button on everything else in life but I still can’t go out in shorts 🤷‍♀️

I’m pear shaped and do dress for my figure.. I’ve never had nice thighs but I do have a flat stomach.. it’s completely up to others what they want to wear but I personally would never feel comfortable in shorts/ short skirts that show off my chunky white thighs so I like to wear clothes that flatter my figure.. I do see see loads of people out and about who don’t seem to care though and I think it’s just a confidence thing.

I am 45 and have had 4 children so my shape has changed a lot. Looking back, I realise I spent my younger years conforming to predictable 'sexy' looks -wearing predominantly black, tight clothes with plungey neck lines, short hem.and and heels. I am an apple shape, so always tried to dress to my shape (hide my middle). The only time I felt happy wearing anything I liked was when pregnant! I wish I could get out of that frame of mind, and stop dressing to flatter my shape, instead of just enjoying clothes and feeling comfortable, but it is a hard one to shift. A work in progress!

I have defaulted to semi fitted everything so I don't even think about it. Even my wide leg jeans are not too flappy. Boxy shirts, paper bag waist shorts, shirt dresses and straight skirts.

Apart from underwear, gym leggings and swimming costume of course.

Can't go wrong!

Im quite rectangular shape and there are certain dresses - even though i like the dress, i dont wear because I feel like id literally have no shape at all.

I’m in my thirties and remember, as a teen, reading loads of magazines about body types and dressing for them….ive avoided halter necks my whole life because i remember reading they’re not flattering on the upper arms.

Similarly, Heats Red Ring of Shame has really knocked my confidence and need for perfection.

So sad!

I know what you mean OP. I was out and about earlier in central London and it was HOT. Lots of younger women were clearly wearing what they wanted, and obviously weren't remotely bothered about baring wobbly thighs, rounded tummies and even lower bum cheeks! It was the total opposite of Trinny and Susannah and all their rules, and it was very good to see

I'm more like you, I often do choose clothes that flatter my figure. Then again, I bought a pair of men's shorts from Uniqlo today - absolutely not flattering but cotton, good leg length and will be comfortable in the heat! So I'm not a diehard fashionista by any means 😁

How on earth are you too fat to wear shorts at 7 stone? I am maybe 10.8 and wearing them.

You're 47 not from Victorian times

Do what you like

I think anyone over 40 has been damaged by strict rules about what's appropriate to wear, based on the male gaze. For years I thought I could not wear strapless tops because I have small boobs. It took me getting to 34 and trying on strapless wedding dresses that made me realise it really suits me. Ditto shorts were only the preserve of the slim and log of leg and now at 50 I wear probably the shortest shorts of my life! I do think there are definite shapes of clothes to wear that make each body type look their best, but I mean that in a sort of working to your body's strengths not a looking sexy sense. I seek to find things that make me feel the best I can and to highlight the bits I like, whether or not others agree is up to them!

Op I am a few years younger than you (but in my 40s).

The two pictures attached were taken on the same day as I was deciding which of my recent purchases to keep.

I decided that my liking of the design of the pleated top did not outweigh the fact that it does nothing for my shape. I don't count that as self hatred. There are other things (such as the white top) that tick all the boxes so I wear those instead.

Incorrect. Please don't assume everyone else experiences your world view.

When I was young, I had what many saw as the ideal body. All clothes in my size fit, and I never thought about wearing anything flattering, because everything was flattering. That is obviously no longer true. But, because I don’t know how to choose body flattering clothes, or how to minimise “faults”, I just wear what I like the look of. I choose based on if it fits me, fabric, colour, how well made it is etc. I’m 58, so I’m also at a point in life where I really don’t GAF