Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

Isn't dressing to flatter your figure just wearing something you think looks good on you? Don't most people, male and female do that instinctively? (Bar work uniforms, gardening clothes etc).
Who gets dressed, looks in the mirror and think yep, I look totally shit in ill fitting clashing clothes, I'm good to go?

I wear what I believe looks good on me and isn't uncomfortable. I naturally assumed so did everyone else and I'm genuinely surprised some posters associate my behaviour with being under the thumb of the patriarchy.

I'm fat, not a magician.

I love that, thank you for making me laugh.

I'm on Style and Beauty because I love clothes and enjoy talking about them. A lot of my friends aren't particularly interested so I come here to do it.

Among other things, I like talking and reading about:
Interesting shops, 'real' or online, particularly shops I'm not familiar with. Price largely immaterial as I'm happy just looking.
New and interesting designers. Again price immaterial - I'm not looking to buy.
Vintage clothes - but early to mid twentieth century rather than Y2K
Fashion. Yes the F-word, I enjoy it.
Fashion history - fascinating stuff.
And sometimes making my own clothes, although I'm far too impatient to do it well.

I'm here because I love clothes and I've discovered new brands. I've no interest in the Beauty side of it.

Yes, people are writing like it’s some form of moral failing.

Isn't dressing to flatter your figure just wearing something you think looks good on you? Don't most people, male and female do that instinctively? (Bar work uniforms, gardening clothes etc).
Who gets dressed, looks in the mirror and think yep, I look totally shit in ill fitting clashing clothes, I'm good to go?

It's the equation of "flatter your figure" with "looks good on you" that's the issue and the assumption that if one isn't dressing to flatter one's figure it will look shit that's the issue.

I don't know if this helps OP but I am on a weight loss journey at the age of 55 - 5 stone down and 4 more to go. I used to live in black but had some kind of epiphany 10 months ago and now wear whatever the hell I want. With my weight down as it is, I can now shop at charity shops and car boots. The relatively low cost risk with this helps enormously - if I don't like how it looks, it goes on Vinted. My Vinted cash pays for new with tags stuff I wouldn't otherwise afford. Works well. And gets my step count up to 10k by 10am on the weekend with car boot wanderings! Also have a huge costume jewellery collection bought in the same way which makes me feel additionally fabulous!

My son's girlfriend always comments how good I look (she's aware I'm a secondhand Annie!) and was over the moon when I gave her some bangles recently I had picked up at a car boot and were just a bit tight for me. Just be you, see what works and embrace it!

Who made that assumption? People can say it about themselves, we are all adults here, we know whay we look like, but once again you’re seeing something on the thread that isn’t here.

I know exactly what I want to wear, whether it "flatters my figure" doesn't get headspace when choosing clothes. The poster I quoted seems to think "flatter your figure" is an essential element.

"I just want to care less about having my knees out on a hot day because I can still hear my mother's voice in my head commenting on my thunder thighs."

For this, honestly?... Therapy.

No amount of knowing that other people on a forum have/ haven't gotten over their body image issues relating to their past and the way their parents spoke to them when they were young is really going to help you, OP.

The answer is a real exploration of deeper issues with a trusted professional.

I agree the male gaze is at the root, regardless of what lens it gets refracted through.

Ive got the sort of figure where small differences in fit really make a difference to the aesthetic and am constantly optimising my wardrobe along these lines. At 50 I know the style I am aiming for but it’s hard to tell now whether it’s what I actually like or whether after years of knowing it’s what suits best, it’s what Ive come to like.

It maybe for you, but for most other women it’s for themselves and other women.

if you dress for the male gaze, or sit and look at women and assume that’s whay they are doing the issue is you.

Where did these ideas come from? Teenage magazines?

Was literally just googling ‘shorts to flatter pear shaped women’ 😳

I have bravely embraced fitted vest tops though, to much approval from my ‘unfettered by the male gaze’ DDs

What I was trying to critique here was the idea, not of choosing clothes that make you feel good, but of ruling out clothes that you might otherwise like because they are not "for" your particular body shape. I didn't mean for people to feel like I was attacking their own personal choices. With that, I'm bowing out of this one.

Surely that doesnt exclude beauty. Do you want your clothes to make you look unattractive?

It was a perfectly sensible OP. Many of us were similarly trained to avoid certain items that we were told wouldn’t suit us. I can remember Breton striped tops becoming really popular and not buying one because it was “against the rules” of my body shape. People who have moved passed those rules are not setting out to look worse or enhance their ( alleged ) worse bits they’re saying I don’t give a shit if horizontal stripes makes me look heavier because the joy of the item goes beyond my perceived weight. People who are arguing against that are looking really obtuse from where I’m sitting.

What an odd comment.

My clothes are beautiful. I've no interest in the "Beauty" side of the forum-meaning make up, botox, nails and treatments I've never heard of.

Unattractive is a matter of debate. For instance, I like the fisherman sandals linked upthread and also all the Kindred dresses.
I rarely wear dresses these days as I lead a very outdoor lifestyle, but I like them even if they aren't sexy.

My main concerns with picking my outfit today has been if it will work in the hot weather, if its comfortable and if it makes me feel happy to wear it.
Im not bothered if others find it flattering but I do care about fashion in the sense I pick out colours and patterns and shapes I enjoy.

Kind of a Lucy & Yak vibe. Alot of their stuff is clearly not designed to flatter your figure but alot of people like it anyways. (in fact they were ahead of the game when it came to barrel legs and harem trousers!).😃

I'm sorry you're bowing out. You raised an interesting point and attacked no-one - quite the opposite. I hope you come back again soon.

When i hear "flatter your figure" to me that means if i think it flatters my figure rather than adhering to certain rules .

You didn't attack anyone and it's a point worth making. There was a recent thread about a Sezanne dress with a to my eyes silly comment about it being no use for a (can't remember what) shape as it even made the model look broad.[it didn't and even if it did, so what?]

That put the OP off buying it.

Don’t get chased off your own thread @ArwenUndomniel. You’ve stimulated an interesting conversation.

Surely most women want to wear clothes that look good on them, regardless of what men think, otherwise what is the point of enjoying clothes? If you're going to look dreadful wearing shorts because you're fat and have awful legs, why do it? There are so many women wearing skimpy or clinging clothes which look absolute dreadful, I do wonder why. It's basic self respect really. If a man wears awful clothes that accentuate all the wrong things, that puts most women off because they think he's a slob. Why shouldn't it work both ways? Being a slob is not attractive to anyone and looks like the person doesn't care about their appearance . Often translates to being a slob generally. (Waiting for the pile on). I don't dress up much but I do care if I look like a mess.