Page 9 | Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

ArwenUndomniel · 2026-05-24T17:04:42+00:00

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs. I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

Princessfluffy · Yesterday 18:17

I love clothes and some years ago very much discarded any thoughts of dressing to please the male gaze. This has been fantastic.

henlake7 · Yesterday 18:19

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 17:14

Agree. Those dresses are neither flattering or unflattering fhey are simply massive smocks

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That sounds perfect to me....just opt out of the whole discussion by wearing a parachute!!😆
I really liked that pink dress (although the pink isnt for me). I have several Joanie Priya dresses which are similar 'massive smocks'.
I just like lots of flowy, swooshy fabric and prefer to be more covered.
I think some people tie in their idea of what looks flattering with what makes them feel good (they look good, they feel good).
But I also think that some people have less interest in what looks flattering over how things make them feel. Maybe its because Ive never been attractive but it is def more about how I feel, looking in the mirror is an afterthought!

Floisme · Yesterday 18:28

PixieCrust · Yesterday 16:15

I think the OP is more talking about the feeling that you can't wear x, y, z beautiful item of clothing that you just fell in love with because it doesn't 'flatter' you or follow the rules for your shape rather than deciding to search for, buy and love only clothes that do 'flatter' you. Eg, I regularly wear a bright yellow summer dress because I love it and it makes me smile despite the fact that it is the 'wrong' shape and colour for me.
I would say style is less about whether an item gives you 'perfect' proportions and more about whether clothes reflect your personality and general look, others might disagree. I love chatting about clothes and fashion. I don't like framing it in a context of you must look to 'fix' your 'flaws' in order to look stylish and good.
I have surgery scars (a lot of them!), they are ugly and difficult to hide but very few people would tell me I can't look good unless I hide them, so really are my massive boobs or heavy thighs any different? Do they look more 'perfect' in certain styles of dress? Yes so should I only wear clothes that hide my scars so you can only see the 'perfect' bits of skin?

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I think the OP is more talking about the feeling that you can't wear x, y, z beautiful item of clothing that you just fell in love with because it doesn't 'flatter' you or follow the rules for your shape
That was my take on what the op was talking about too: the relentless negativity and 'I can'ts'. (T&S's show was literally called 'What not to wear'!) She (op) said more than once that she wasn't having a pop at how other people choose to dress.

And I feel compelled to add that I don't think I have ever in my life used the phrase, 'male gaze' or 'patriarchy'.

Divebar2021 · Yesterday 18:30

DeafLeppard · Yesterday 17:21

The Japanese are past masters of colour. I have this book which I use on the regular to put colour together:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/a-dictionary-of-color-combinations/9784861522475

They were writing about good colour combinations a thousand years ago.

And also I love hearing about Kindred of Ireland on here (I know the founder and love what they are doing with Irish linen).

It’s a good little book isn’t it ? Sometimes my own colour combinations can be a little bit safe or matchy matchy so it’s good to throw in a wildcard colour. I’ve defintely expanded my colour since I retired. I used to be very minimal and neutral and now Im getting more comfortable with colour combinations that feel editorial rather than zany or “ dopamine”

PhaedraTwo · Yesterday 18:37

henlake7 · Yesterday 18:19

That sounds perfect to me....just opt out of the whole discussion by wearing a parachute!!😆
I really liked that pink dress (although the pink isnt for me). I have several Joanie Priya dresses which are similar 'massive smocks'.
I just like lots of flowy, swooshy fabric and prefer to be more covered.
I think some people tie in their idea of what looks flattering with what makes them feel good (they look good, they feel good).
But I also think that some people have less interest in what looks flattering over how things make them feel. Maybe its because Ive never been attractive but it is def more about how I feel, looking in the mirror is an afterthought!

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The Joannie Priya dresses are beautiful.

BurntBroccoli · Yesterday 19:30

Huckleberries · 24/05/2026 20:47

Everyone's going to have a different opinion of a suitable colour though

My sister can differentiate between several shades of white and decide whether or not one is right for her

I might put one on and say oh no, this doesn't work but generally I'm not going to outlaw white from my wardrobe

pp mentioned about thighs and bum on show and specifically said "lack of self-awareness"

I don't think that's what it is. I think the Instagram generation will have checked what they look like from all angles, including behind

They are okay with what they look like and I'm also in the camp that I kind of salute that especially in hot weather

I do myself want to make sure everything is in the category of "decent" but I think it's good that they don't care, though that post didn't say specifically if there was beach load of arse on show

I also saw the Trinny and Susanna thing - - interestingly my sister hated it and I can now see that it was really horrible. Also the whole thing about not wearing colour with black. Why not if you want to, you want to and it often breaks up black to wear some colour with it - I don't want to wear all black (though funnily enough Someone was wearing all black today at lunch)

For some reason at the time I decided haltee necks were not a good idea but they were fine so I did end up going back to them. Actually, I think they
really suit me. I think they had a lot of weird rules as well as bad ideas and a bad approach. In some ways I think it's a shame that people became quite obsessed about fashion at the time. You're supposed to enjoy it. Not have a massive list rules.

Be interesting to watch Trinny and Susanna now I wonder if it's on YouTube

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The white thing is weird and I’m with your sister that it makes a massive difference in suiting you when you find the right shade! I look at bit I’ll of if I wear a cool bright white but healthy if it’s warmer and more yellow in tone.

Jamesblonde2 · Yesterday 20:28

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 17:46

That’s horrible and no that’s just your family.

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It’s not just her family. It’s naive to think so.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · Today 05:45

Divebar2021 · Yesterday 14:15

No but it probably makes her more stylish

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Depends on your definition of stylish.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 07:43

Looking good, aesthetic and yes - even „flattering“ - is often taken to mean „as slim as possible“.

I disagree with that. Looking as slim as possible isn’t necessarily the goal of every outfit. Looking as „large“ or „fat“ as possible isn’t the goal either (I am also influenced by beauty standards) but sometimes I want to look floaty, tough, cozy etc. so thinness / as slim as possible isn’t the yardstick I measure every outfit by.

Similar with glasses. I have a round-ish face so most online guides (and the lovely in-store consultants) seem to believe that I absolutely shouldn’t wear round-ish frames.
But those are the frames I like and suit my face. I also don’t see the point in trying to „hide“, cover or otherwise change my facial shape. It’s round and I like it!!

Marmaladeaddict · Today 07:51

Princessfluffy · Yesterday 18:17

I love clothes and some years ago very much discarded any thoughts of dressing to please the male gaze. This has been fantastic.

I’ve never cared at all about the male gaze. I just enjoy nice clothes for their own sake. What about lesbians? Surely they can enjoy wearing nice clothes too.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 07:51

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 07:43

Looking good, aesthetic and yes - even „flattering“ - is often taken to mean „as slim as possible“.

I disagree with that. Looking as slim as possible isn’t necessarily the goal of every outfit. Looking as „large“ or „fat“ as possible isn’t the goal either (I am also influenced by beauty standards) but sometimes I want to look floaty, tough, cozy etc. so thinness / as slim as possible isn’t the yardstick I measure every outfit by.

Similar with glasses. I have a round-ish face so most online guides (and the lovely in-store consultants) seem to believe that I absolutely shouldn’t wear round-ish frames.
But those are the frames I like and suit my face. I also don’t see the point in trying to „hide“, cover or otherwise change my facial shape. It’s round and I like it!!

Or more precisely: a „good outfit“ doesn’t necessarily make the wearer look as slim as possible IMO.