Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

Bloody Trinny and Susannah have a lot to answer for, but I guess also they were victims of the times. Middle aged women had decades of hearing about figure flattering Rules-‘cover this (anything deemed to be too large)’, ‘show this off’. It was all about looking as slim as possible. The youngsters seem to be free-er from this, which is probably a good thing. Having said that I think the British have always been less judged than say our French, Italian and Spanish counterparts, where there seems to be even more rules. Always around women of course.

Yes @DontKillStevethis is the conclusion I've come to. I'm prepared to believe that "flattering" doesn't always mean "makes you look thinner and hides the fat bits" to everyone, but I think it does to most people. It definitely does to me, and as an eating disorder sufferer, that's why I'm tired of entertaining it.

This idea that you have to show off your figure to its best advantage - why do you have to? To whom? Why does it matter if you've got thin legs that aren't on display or thicker ones that are? I think a pp might have said something like "why would you want to look bigger than you are?" which kind of gets to the crux of it. You have to be a) fully aware of your size and shape, b) consciously trying to minimise it, c) caring about how other people perceive you and wanting them to think you're as thin as you can look, d) of the opinion that looking bigger than you are would be cause for concern. It's a lot to have to think about when you just want to wear some nice clothes.

I think that’s sad and quite judgemental. I have seen plenty of women who dress to flatter their figures, of all ages. I’m shocked you look at women and think they don’t, ever. And only ever dress for comfort, of course comfort is imoortant, but I have no idea where you live where every woman over the age of 47 is wearing elasticated waists and loose clothing, as that’s what comfort is.

and flattering your figure is just wearing stuff you feel good in, which makes you feel good about yourself, it’s not some big conspiracy. Women can wear what they wish, and if that’s wanting to wear something they feel they look good in, then that’s fantastic.

Exactly this.

I know what suits me and I feel better wearing those things.

You can wear whatever you like really OP

Most women don’t want to look fat. There is no way round this, no way to change it, it is not some crime or moral failing. So yes, some will dress to hide the fat bits or to look slimmer. Some will dress to emphasise bits they like, some will dress for comfort.

if you’re sick of it, then stop doing it. Only you are responsible for the clothes on your back.

I like to look good. I'm tall so that means generally no heels. I'm happy with that.

I don't feel envious of people who do. I could but I choose not to. My choice.

I tend not to worry about stuff like that. I'm in my 60s but spent yesterday in shorts. What other people think is irrelevant.

Flattering is not a style. I’ve banged that drum on here more than once but I fear I’m screaming into the void.
You're not screaming into the void @Divebar2021 . Not only have I remembered that phrase, I've quoted it (although I'd forgotten it was you who'd said it)!

Trinny and Susannah did not really help women find their style they just disguised what they saw as flaws.
Agreed - I never saw them ask women why a particular set of clothes appealed. They pretty much rod roughshod over things like personal taste and didn't factor in personality at all. Even at the time, when I was a big fan, I thought that was a mistake.

This is perfect, thank you.

Because I like the clothes? Because I don’t give a stuff about ‘flattering’? Because I find it an entirely unhelpful and restrictive concept which I am very happy to have jettisoned years ago?

Have a read of the thread. You’ll find lots of people agree (and disagree, obviously! 😄)

Yes, this! Sickening that so much media was and still is devoted to seeing yourself as a collection of flaws to be fixed

Flattering was, is, and always will be about making your body's appearance conform to the physical 'ideal' of the day.

I think there is some misconception about non flattering clothes or 'dressing for comfort' here.
It doesnt mean grabbing random tat from a jumble sale and throwing it on coz it fits! You can be just as discerning about colour, fabric, fit, planning an outfit but maybe that outfit wont have a traditional silhouette or make your waist look smaller.
Maybe somebody elses 'what are you wearing!!?' moment is your 'I feel happy and confident!' one.

Honestly though I wouldnt worry for the next couple of days. I firmly believe there is an extreme weather clause whereby if its hot enough or cold enough then anything goes!!

For you, I think you, I think you need to contextualise that. For many other women that’s not the case. And we live in a society now where body ideals differ across different demographics. Some people like a larger bottom half. Some want to emphasise boobs, some want to look slim. It’s individualistic. There is no physical ideal of the day,

flattering means you like it, you think it looks good on you. And this is also individualistic, because that can mean hiding fat bits or emphasising bits you like.

time moved on. Society moved on, women moved on. And there is nothing wrong with dressing in a way that makes you feel good about yourself/

flattering means you like it, you think it looks good on you. And this is also individualistic, because that can mean hiding fat bits or emphasising bits you like.

So back to picking out flaws? No thanks

@Floisme

Morning. I always look out for your intelligent contributions on these threads but I post less because the board seems to be swamped by the “ wear what you want brigade “. Athough I do in fact wear what I want I enjoy discussing styles and trends and hacks and there seems to be a bit less of that nowadays.
Some days I will play around with an outfit and I make a tweak and I know that I’ve made it more conventionally “flattering” by doing so. Other days I will pair two things together that I know would be considered less flattering ( eg oversized top with wider trousers ) but that’s what I want to project for the day. I also throw in items deliberately that don’t match to cause a bit of friction. All of that occurs within the framework of my style which is a slightly minimalist androgynous and chill. ( sorry that’s an Amy Smilovic term ) Other people may make the same decisions within their own style universe which is leaning say Stevie Nicks / Boho. We’re both playing around. We might both actually aim to cover the tops of our arms but I’m choosing a long sleeved shirt and she’s choosing a tassled shawl. So when someone says “ I dress to flatter my shape” then that means absolutely zilch to me in terms of what types of clothes they’re wearing.

I do too @SirChenjins
Love your username 💐

Given that my usual rules are "hide legs, hide upper arms" I've decided to go out like this today. I've also had a couple of threads on here where people have made quite rude comments about my pale skin, so that's also on display, with appropriate levels of suncream. And just to entirely repel any passing men, I'm wearing my fisherman's sandals!

Op that image changes the discussion hugely. You don’t have heavy legs, you’re very slim indeed, I note you also say you had an eating disorder, and the image would indicate there are residual issues,

Janefondue you’re too nice 🥰

I just couldn’t manage getting my candles, wobbly knees (have arthritis) and saggy cellulitey thighs out for the day

Why do some posters think it is a terrible thing to wear something that is flattering?

I don't dress for the male gaze. I'm too old, and I already have a male to gaze at me. I just want to feel good.

Re Trinny and Susanna - I remember watching an episode where they put the right size bra on someone, and the difference in how she looked and carried herself was astounding. So I agree that wearing the right bra not only makes women look better, but surely it must be more comfortable when they get the right support?

The other take that I got was that wearing tops that showed off my shoulders balanced out my pear shape, and it does. I would never have thought to do that, yet sleeveless tops really do suit me.

Its not terrible to wear something flattering and I agree that you should wear what makes you feel good.....even if that thing isnt flattering!

I’m exactly the same. I threw the rules out years ago. It’s very liberating.

I fully agree with you but I think we just live in different kinds of places.

Where I live, women’s lives are largely walking the dog (=wellies and raincoat), kids activities, supermarket, woodlands walks and workouts… There’s also lots of artsy types, horsey types, that prioritise the activities/ jobs they do in how they dress. There are no/ hardly any ‘dressy’ social occasions. There’s a very big alternative scene, ie punk, gothic, heavy metal etc. These subcultures aren’t exactly about fitting in with society’s ideas, are they?

I come from a family where you had to wear a suitable dress for breakfast and dinner at home every day and got a critique of your outfit everytime you left the house.

I’d say women in the UK are much more free in terms of using fashion for self expression and practicality than most other cultures around the world. And that’s not a bad thing.

There’s a group that does dress to flatter their figure, and I count myself amongst it as I’m perhaps not particularly liberated in some ways, but I think we’re the minority

Surely we are all on style and beauty specifically because we want to make the most of ourselves. Otherwise we'd be on chat or AIBU.

I've worked from home almost exclusively since the pandemic, but it wasn't until I changed jobs and had to start going into the office once a week recently, that I realised that I'd apparently accumulated 2 extra stone and none of my old office wear would fit.

I've definitely changed shape with menopause and where I once had a large chest but a waist and narrow hips, I now have a big "b-belly" in the middle which makes everything look awful. I'm baffled as to how to dress it but stick to wide leg trousers and jeans (I never wear shorts, have the worst short rhino legs), blousy loose tops that tie at the hips, and maxi/midi dresses that have an elasticated waist that that I can pull up under my giant bust and make it look like an empire line. OK it does sit on the top of the b-belly a bit but I'm fat, not a magician.

I follow a lot of plus-size influencers but you almost never see anyone with that extra roll of fat between the bust and navel. Sometimes I wear what I think looks classy and tidy, in colours that suit me (Bright Winter, anyone?), and if my belly shelf shows, there's not much I can do about that.