Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

I was also thinking about this yesterday. I’m mid 30s but yesterday I saw a lot of women in their early 20s wearing very unflattering outfits and they seemed totally comfortable.

To be perfectly honest I hate seeing the cellulite fat half bum and inner thighs of a human with no self awareness but I also respect their right to disgust me unabashedly

The beauty of living now and here

Haha yes I feel the same. I thought they looked awful but I envy their acceptance of their bodies

When I was in my early 20s and recovering from anorexia I went out to a club and decided,while getting ready, my belly was not flat enough to wear a handkerchief top (anyone remember them from the late 90s/early 2000s? ).... got to the club and there were girls of all sizes wearing them!
Now id love that "too fat for a handkerchief top"
figure!

I am also a recovering anorexic but still have loose skin and wobbly bits on my thighs. Even at my thinnest I don't really have a thigh gap, I guess because my pelvis isn't wide-set enough. I just wish I was able to care much less about that sort of stuff - @Floisme post about the Trinny and Susannah years really resonates with me!

Ah, wishing you all the best on your continued recovery. That does make this thread a bit more nuanced, I think.

Weight, body shape, all such loaded concepts. The thing is, humans come in all shapes and sizes, and that is all there is to it! I too have wobbly thighs, but also, somehow, a thigh gap. It’s best just to jettison these random ‘standards’ and embrace your brave body- and dress it fabulously!

I can mostly cope with my body although I hate photos. Especially because im very short, even though im a healthy weight, I look like a chunk.
I wore a nice top last year, then I saw a photo and the top of my arm looked huge. Now im conscious what I wear on my arms (which I thought were not a problem) if I think theres any chance of a photo

I dress to flatter my figure . I am a slim hourglass with a flat stomach, decent arse and breasts . I like fitted clothing and tend to avoid oversized clothing .
I don’t like my arms because they are thin and flabby . I would rather have bigger arms which are toned . I wear clothing that hides my arms

Oh god yes. Trinny and Susannah were brutal. And tbf Trinny when she showed some stuff on her that she viewed as bad or good, I agreed but how much of it was the face she pulled (downtrodden and sad when in a cropped trouser, beaming in a flare anyone?). Then we had gok wan who seemed to specialise in only dressing women with massive knockers / baps / whatever he called them but a small waist.
however the wrap dress was the most hateful of items and suits very few people. Even the young and beautiful on below deck sailing yacht look ….weird ….in salmon stretchy wrap dresses.
Do I still have an inner Trinny ? Yes. Do I listen all the time ? I try not to. I have found things that suit me not because of my shape but because I breathe in relief that they don’t look hideous and am trying to shed sensible and dull but safe and buy what leaps out on the hanger at me now. I’m still not comfortable with a bra strap out or a coloured bra under a light top. Some things must be hard wired.
I love that the girls now all wear the same things regardless of their shape or size and I’d love the figure I had when I thought I was too fat for a bikini. I wasn’t. I was a 10/12 and had lovely skin but hated the way I looked

Smashing figure!

I’m 49.

when I was ten I got a crew cut and wore pink frilly dresses with my crew cut.

i think my mum probably did try to teach me all that stuff about what to wear when but I never was good at taking in messages from society and in all honesty I fucking objected to the idea girls had to wear girly clothing so so mostly wore jeans and doc martins.

these days I wear pretty much what I want and I certainly don’t worry about if it’s flattering. I do wear socially appropriate stuff - so black tie dinner gets posh frock etc - but beyond that don’t really care.

Yes this. I feel best/most confident when I know that my clothes suit my shape and colouring.
The secret is to choose your clothes wisely. If you want to wear shorts, there is no reason not to, if you choose shorts that suit you, which probably means that you choose knee length wide leg tailored shorts in a dark colour. You will be fine.

I think it's more that they've never thought to check what they look like from behind

Colours that don't suit you can make you look drained/ill so why would you wear them?

I am a few years younger than you OP (42) and spent until I turned 40 with the same rules.
My DM is obsessed with Trinny and Susannah and the rules of flattering your figure. She told me at my 40th birthday that it was time to embrace scarves or something since women with my shape (hourglass with 30GG boobs) struggle to age without looking like a tart.
I decided right there and then to wear whatever TF I wanted regardless of whether it flattered me. In reality I will wear things in a colour or shape that looks good and pay less attention to making sure it fits all the rules. So today I wore a crew neck fitted cropped t shirt (made my boobs look enormous) in the most gorgeous (on me) blue and a floaty, shapeless skirt. Gorgeous colour on me, not great shape but i loved it and felt gorgeous🤷‍♀️ Life is too short to miss out on clothes you love because of some rules someone else made up.
It also helps me to remember my boobs are massive, whether I wear a 'flattering ' v neck or an 'unflattering ' crew neck, my boobs are exactly the same!!

Everyone's going to have a different opinion of a suitable colour though

My sister can differentiate between several shades of white and decide whether or not one is right for her

I might put one on and say oh no, this doesn't work but generally I'm not going to outlaw white from my wardrobe

pp mentioned about thighs and bum on show and specifically said "lack of self-awareness"

I don't think that's what it is. I think the Instagram generation will have checked what they look like from all angles, including behind

They are okay with what they look like and I'm also in the camp that I kind of salute that especially in hot weather

I do myself want to make sure everything is in the category of "decent" but I think it's good that they don't care, though that post didn't say specifically if there was beach load of arse on show

I also saw the Trinny and Susanna thing - - interestingly my sister hated it and I can now see that it was really horrible. Also the whole thing about not wearing colour with black. Why not if you want to, you want to and it often breaks up black to wear some colour with it - I don't want to wear all black (though funnily enough Someone was wearing all black today at lunch)

For some reason at the time I decided haltee necks were not a good idea but they were fine so I did end up going back to them. Actually, I think they
really suit me. I think they had a lot of weird rules as well as bad ideas and a bad approach. In some ways I think it's a shame that people became quite obsessed about fashion at the time. You're supposed to enjoy it. Not have a massive list rules.

Be interesting to watch Trinny and Susanna now I wonder if it's on YouTube

I had a kind of revelation when I turned 50 that no-one else is as bothered about what I wear as I am. I’ve always worn what I thought I “should” wear as an overweight woman - dark colours, certain styles etc. I started slowly just buying a couple of things because I loved them and got compliments - something I wasn’t used to!

Now I’m 56 with all sorts of loud colours and crazy patterns - not a single item of plain black or white in my wardrobe, and it is wonderful! I never “don’t have a thing to wear”, don’t care if I’m overdressed next to everyone else, feel fabulous and get loads of compliments - honestly probably more in the last 5 years that the previous 50!!

'Then we had gok wan who seemed to specialise in only dressing women with massive knockers / baps / whatever he called them but a small waist.'

Bangers 🙄 and then made these poor women strut along a catwalk in their underwear in front of their friends and family, and everyone who was watching on Channel 4. What a plum

God why are so many mothers like this!

I’m disabled and I always look ill whatever I wear,

don’t care anymore.

Because it's a phenomenon I've never noticed either on me or anyone else?

Mine is extremely insecure and anxious. She needs rules to follow and boosts her self esteem by constantly checking that she is better (ie thinner and receiving more male attention) than other women. 🤷‍♀️

This is so interesting. I dress to hide my flabby tummy. Yet I see other, younger women dressing with it ‘all hanging out’ and my first instinct is to recoil but then I think, FUCK IT! They’re evidently more mature than I am having a great time not worrying what other people think.

Just got back from the beach: no one has super nice bodies you see online and they’re having a great time and I highly suspect no one else gives a shit whether someone has wobbly thighs or not.

Madness isn’t it!

(Still would never wear a crop top though 😬)

Nope not something I’ve ever noticed either.

never ever seen someone and thought ooh you really don’t look well, it’s that green top.

same for make up, so many women saying they look tired/ill/pale without it. Again not something I’ve noticed.

i dress for comfort. That’s it.

I’m overweight (clue’s in the name, right!), in my mid-late 30s and haven’t dressed for anyone else’s approval in about 10 years.

Even without all the flab - I’ve got big boobs, fairly broad shoulders, and big thighs. I spent far too long being deeply resentful that a fairly normal vest top has always made me look like Jordan circa 1999, and that wearing shorts meant getting the thunder thighs out.

I felt like I couldn’t wear certain clothes in the summer, until I decided that… yes I can. They’re just legs, and I’m not getting my cleavage out - it just exists.

Been far cooler (in temperature!) ever since, genuinely don’t give the judgment I’m receiving from strangers a single second’s thought.