Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

Life is so short and this is the only body you have make peace with it already..enough shame enough when I this or that live now wear what you want, we're all dying soon anyway.

I don't understand your reply.

Over the years my clothes have been described on here as hideous, Grayson Perry, Handmaid's Tale, Shaker, unflattering, figure hiding and man repellent. Clearly the posters who said "man repellent" must factor the male gaze into choosing clothes.

As I've said before in real life these "hideous" clothes get compliments all the time. Re the current Compliments thread which I posted on the dress which was complimented by the M&S check out assistant is one which was torn to pieces on here for not being flattering.

Hallelujah. I'm going to save that. Great post.

Sezanne's website is an obvious example of designed to please the male gaze. Often the dresses are no different from Boden, Nobody's Child or Anthropology, save the models on those sites managed to find their bras and do up the buttons.

It’s nothing to do with the “male gaze”! Why would anyone want to dress in a way that is unflattering?

Comfort? Their idea of flattering being different to yours? Ease/convenience?

Lots of reasons!

Frankly I personally do not know or have seen in everyday life many women around 47 who dresses to flatter their figure. People dress to feel comfortable and please themselves, right?

I did not think it was much of a thing in the UK? Considering that in British fashion anything goes and there’s a big focus on unusual shapes and many colours? Compared to Italian or French everyday dressing, there seem to be zero complexes for the majority of the population, as figure hugging outfits and tailoring aren’t really a thing unless you’re a client facing professional or otherwise in the public eye.

The women of 47 I see around in everyday life are in jeans and hoodies, or long oversized sundresses, which I wouldn’t class as being particularly invested in what others think or shoeing off ‘best bits’.

I work in fashion so have to dress the part and
match Italian expectations, and get a lot of comments as it’s very different from the norm to dress in this way nowadays.

I’m slim and most clothes look pretty good on me but I have cankles. Not massive puffy ankles or enough for anybody to comment on but can’t see my Achilles tendon as you can on most people. They have been the bane of my life and for many years I would wear only trousers. Of course, maxi dresses and skirts have been an absolute gift but I have recently started venturing into shorter dress lengths. I’m glad I’ve taken the plunge but don’t feel completely comfortable with my ankles on show. I don’t think I ever will.

I think there's a massive difference between liking or disliking bits of your body and choosing to wear clothes that fit and flatter. Obviously lots of internal and external reasons for the first time into on this thread. Personally I like my body and don't really care what others think. I choose to wear things that suits me though because I like to look good and wear colours and cuts that suit. For me and my purposes.

Same!

I remember my mum's Woman's Weekly magazines from decades ago, and the many, many pages devoted to hiding this or that flaw - small eyes, eyes too big, wide hips, narrow hips, big bust, small bust, chubby ankles, skinny legs, freckles, big nose, small nose, wide mouth, small mouth, curly hair, straight hair...

It was all so shame based. There was clearly an ideal, and also clear was the message that women weren't measuring up to it.

"Unflattering" is a quality that doesn't exist in a vacuum.

What do you understand by the term?

I'm 52 and have always enjoyed myself. True joy. I never worried about how someone else thought I looked. Ever. I have spent years enjoying myself. I am fucking beautiful and elegant - always.

Unflattering isn't ever something I've considered. What does it even mean?

I'm absolutely for anyone wearing whatever they want. However - I've just got home from a day in central London and the number of young women wearing tiny knickers under tiny shorts and then climbing the stairs/escalator at an angle...Some items of clothing I think look ridiculous but I don't have to wear them, so each to one's own but dear god I do not want to see actual genitalia while navigating the tube.

Absolutely. I’m 55, short and a size 12. I wear enormous maxi length smock dresses, big florals, blouses with frilled peplums 6 feet around and barrel trousers with clumpy shoes.

I love those clothes with a passion. I’m not going to worry about my body, wear plain shirts to make my shoulders look smaller, delicate sandals to show of my ankles or tuck my top into straight leg jeans to ‘give me a waist and the right proportions’.

Flattering is one word which never enters my head when buying, making or styling my clothes. I have one body that I cannot change, and choose to enjoy dressing it with clothes I love and feel fantastic in. I’m not a project to fix, I’m a woman to be adorned.

If other people think wearing abundant fabric and looking like you might be a size 18 when you could wear size 12 skinnies and a t shirt to look as small as possible is offensive, its their (and society’s) problem, not mine.

That's young people doing their thing surely?

What do mean by "flatter"?

Amongst the many sites I'm signed up for are Egg, Dicks of Edinburgh, Envoy of Belfast and Kindred of Ireland. I think these dresses are fantastic. The material, structure, details and movement would make me feel fabulous wearing them. Does that mean they "flatter" me?

https://dicks-edinburgh.co.uk/products/manuelle-guibal-puff-shirt-dress

https://dicks-edinburgh.co.uk/products/casey-casey-womens-double-rideaux-skirt-in-cot-pop-print

https://envoyofbelfast.com/products/lena-dress-raspberry

https://envoyofbelfast.com/products/pomme-ruche-dress-medium-blue

https://envoyofbelfast.com/products/colette-dress-black-stripe-1

https://envoyofbelfast.com/products/stephanie-dress-lippy

https://www.eggtrading.com/products/s26-seventy-five-raglan-gathered-dress-daffodil

https://kindredofireland.com/products/vivienne-dress

https://kindredofireland.com/products/camille-candy

Me too, me too…

I was the one who started the C&R thread that was deleted after descending into general mud slinging and a threatened libel case.

MN is all ‘wear whatever you want’.. as long as it’s ‘flattering’, right? The strange thing is, all the ‘gorgeous’ dresses and ‘lovely’ sandals recommended here remind me of the Marks and Spencers ‘1980’s does 1940’s’ things from forty years ago. Dowdy then, dowdy now, but I don’t insult everyone who wants to wear them the way I get insulted for saying I like egg Trading.

In real life my clothes are genuinely much admired by strangers everywhere I go.

Nobody has defined ‘flattering’ yet. My Mum’s generation just came out with it. It means slimming.

Same here.

I don’t think it means slimming necessarily.
It means making the most of your good points, and de-emphasising things you don’t like.
Sometimes the latter is to do with weight (large tum in my case), but sometimes not. My friend feels she has short legs in proportion to the rest of her body for example, so she tends to wear shortish tops and not ones that end on her hips.

Gok Wan loved a pair of Spanx under jeans didn’t he?

Bootilicious 😐.

I quite liked his cooking show, though.

I rest my case!

??

I've said recently on another thread that the Trinny and Susannah books were like someone gave me the cheat codes for buying clothes that will look good on me every time.

I have to get my bras from Bravissimo or a similar big cup and small back vendor. This means that a lot of clothes not only don't suit me but also don't fit me. The flat-fronted tops and dresses in the shops these days, without bust darts, doesn't fasten at the front and pulls under the arms. Empire line garments have the waist seam running across my nipples. This goes beyond "doesn't suit me" into "doesn't fit my body".

I'm also autistic and find clothes shopping in person to be a sensory hellscape of bright lights, loud piped music, and other people. Spending hours trawling the shops for something that physically fits, looks good on, and feels right in terms of itching and not being tight or flappy in the wrong places (like tight sleeves on cardigans, just why?) is not possible for me, and physically searching for items that meet my requirements is never not going to take hours. Being able to browse a website and look at a garment's cut and shaping and say "nope, it's empire line", "nope, it's cream, it will make me look jaundiced", "nope, it's got no bust darts", "no, it's high-necked, it will give me monoboob" lets me make a shortlist of items that might work for me before I brave the shops to try them on.

It's anything but limiting.

Eugh. Oh no I fear I’m being triggered. Flattering is not a style. I’ve banged that drum
on here more than once but I fear I’m screaming into the void.( mixing my
metaphors ) So many women who’ve lost their way style wise who ask for help saying “ I’m an apple and a soft summer and I hate my arms - what shall i wear “ and then they’re shown a parade of dresses all different styles that are supposed to be flattering. These women never, never identify a style beyond camouflage bits of body they hate. There are so many styles out there and you can obviously play around and mix it up and yes even be flattering to your body shape if you want ( which essentially means make it look smaller) but finding your style first makes it so much easier to shop. Trinny and Susannah did not really help women find their style they just disguised what they saw as flaws - now you could choose to do that in boho, minimal, androgynous, alternative, coastal grandma, cottage core , Gorpcore, quiet luxury blah blah. Find your three style words, decide the colours that you like ( any colour can work because you don’t need to wear them all near your face if you don’t want to ) and play around and experiment. But buying a blazer that is too small and doesn’t do up because it’s supposed to create a slimming effect is a desperate way to approach dressing.

I don't think flattering necessarily means slimming. I have fantastic tits and I look for clothes that both fit them properly and show them off, I don't seek to minimise them or make them look "in proportion". They're not in proportion to the rest of my body and I like them that way.

Some people might think I look a bit common or a bit tarty, so to them my clothing might not be defined as flattering, but to me it is.