Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

I think I have been all over the place on this thread, but wore shorts yesterday because I went on a long walk. I do that most weekends. I realise that is not very S and B, because it's pure functionality.
I am not fat- a medium size 12- but some of my friends are, and they wear shorts too to stay cool, or because we are doing something active. We don't care about whether our legs look awful.

Well good for you but your thought process doesn’t make you morally or intellectually superior.

No but it probably makes her more stylish

Is it to do with looking sexy / shapely? I avoid doing either of those, iDont like the attention. That leaves me free to wear things based on colour, texture, feel, which I really do enjoy.

Did she say it did?

I don’t like the way caring about what you wear sometimes attracts a cohort who perceive it as a moral failing or a sign you’ve been 100% brainwashed by the patriarchy. I love posts from floisme and others who genuinely and deeply care about what they wear, the same way others care about making their own croissants at home or running a sub 2hr marathon.

If we have to wear clothes, we might as well wear clothes that look good. And looking good is subjective, but I do want to wear stuff that a) makes me look good and b) makes it look like I have one eye on what current fashion is. In exactly the same way that most people have moved on from eating meat and potatoes to hummus, halloumi and Korean BBQ. I mean, if you want to stick to a diet of meat and potatoes, that’s fine, but some of us don’t and in any case meat and potatoes didn’t agree with us in the first place.

And whilst Trinny and Susannah were very much of their time, most people did look much better after following their advice. We don’t judge people for following style and colour advice for their living rooms, so what’s the difference with clothes?

I find it really sad the women on here who think it’s about men. Which to me can only mean they dress for the male gaze so think other women do. Or they look at other women and judge them to be doing that.

no woman I know does that unless out on a date or trying to attract a mate. And then the dress can be different. Every single woman I know dresses for herself first and foremost. To feel good about herself. She is not thinking will men like this when she picks her clothes. And for other women secondary. To fit in, impress etc. Men don’t get a look in.

i dont wear clothes I find unflattering, I’ve no desire to look in the mirror and think I look shit. I want to look good. And I can also do that and feel comfortable

today I want to be cool and comfortable, I’m wearing a loose silk Reiss cami top in an unusual sort of dark pinky copper colour, and a pair of white tailored shorts, that are just a bit shorter than mid thigh. I’m comfortable, I’m cool and it’s flattering. I’m not going anywhere, I’ve dressed for me. In a style I like ans suits my body shape. Being comfortable doesn’t mean it has to be unflattering, the two are not mutually exclusive.

I don’t disagree with you about Trinny and Susannah because they took women who were very lost fashion wise and super imposed styles on them which did make them look more stylish or pulled together ( however you want to phrase it ) but whether they took those women in the RIGHT direction remains to be seen. I wore a flattering dress to my brothers winter wedding. If was a dark red velvet faux wrap which suited my colouring and hourglass shape …blah blah but I didn’t feel like Me. I’d had my hair cut short and I really wanted to lean into a mens evening suit look but I got caught up in weddings and expectations. So Im sure it objectively looked fine to everyone else but even looking at the photos makes me uncomfortable because it’s not expressing what I want it to.

@Marmaladeaddict I don’t think you’ve quite got the gist of what op means. Op is basically saying that it’s okay to wear clothes that don’t flatter your figure shape.

When I was a student, my favourite trousers were a couple of pairs of flowery trousers, brought as a student in Cardiff. Loved them. Were they right for my shape? No, as a pear I should be wearing dark, plainer bottoms and fancier tops, but I loved them.

and I wore them to please me, and no one else.

Op - good, interesting thread.

I love this, you articulated something I wanted to! Looking ‘ flattered’ isn’t at all synonymous with ‘ feeling authentic’.

in fact .. what precisely is it that is being flattered? Biology? Gym going?

@Marmaladeaddict

“If you're going to look dreadful wearing shorts because you're fat and have awful legs, why do it?”

It’s 31 degrees, I couldn’t give a fuck if a stranger doesn’t like my legs, I’m not melting on their account.

Today’s outfits so far have been shorts and a vest top, and a summer dress I pulled from my holiday suitcase. I’m a size 20–22 and completely unbothered if being fat makes those choices “dreadful.”

HTH.

I hear you, 100%. Same age, I grew up hating bits of my body, never had my legs on show. Hated my flabby arms etc. All the normal woman stuff, and I'm not even that body unconfident.

Now, at the age of 46, I've embraced short shorts and vest tiops and a bit of side boob and the whole shebang (OK, maybe not for work, but if I'm out with mates on a summer's day for example).

I still don't like my legs. They've always had cellulite, and now I've got crinkles in the mix. But honestly, I love it. I see all shapes and sizes out now, young women with their backsides on show, and I think good for you.

I even got told I was beautiful yesterday by a gay male friend, and hit on by a rather gorgeous woman.

I know it's a cliche, but it really is all about confidence, not a perfect body (though that would be nice 😅)

I think this is it. There are basic visual "rules" about shape and proportion, which is what Trinny and Susannah covered, just like there are "rules" for garden design and interiors and architecture. These don't help you find what expresses your authentic self, just as following trends doesn't.

I think OP's point is that people years ago would frown at exposed flesh or "mutton dressed as lamb", whereas today there is much more focus on botox, tanning, hair and teeth. Neither is better.

I subscribe to ‘just because you can get into it, doesn’t mean you should wear it’. Dress for your shape. Obviously if you don’t care that you look like a bag of spanners, that’s great. I’m tall and very slim. I modelled my way through uni to make some cash. This has made me very aware of my flaws. I have barely any waist. I don’t wear waisted dresses because they look awful on me. I’d not feel comfortable wearing something that doesn’t suit me as I don’t have that ‘fuck it’ self confidence.

There is a huge difference between being a slob (unkempt/unclean) and having less than perfect legs in shorts! My legs aren’t perfect and so glad I don’t feel this constrained any more that they have to be hidden. Now that is basic self respect in my book!

MyBeautifulRaven · Yesterday 23:57

Unflattering isn't ever something I've considered. What does it even mean?

Unflattering" is a quality that doesn't exist in a vacuum.

And Mathanxiety asked this.

What do you understand by the term? [unflattering]

I don't think they got answers.

"If you're going to look dreadful wearing shorts because you're fat and have awful legs, why do it?”

I'm gobsmacked that anyone said that.

PP would probably be as gobsmacked to learn that I actually like my fat chunky legs.

I’m losing weight at the moment and they’ll be missed should they go!

Thank you and, while I'm here, thank you to @Divebar2021 too - very kind.

Do I think the women on Trinny and Susannah's shows looked better? Yes. But I think the more interesting question is, did they look like themselves? And did they feel like themselves? Because that, to me, is what finding your style is about. Only they can answer that question but I thought it was telling that they (T&S) once did a follow-up show with some of the women they'd styled and, from memory, not a single one had stuck with their advice.

And I'll never forget the time they tried to style Ingrid Tarrant based entirely on her body shape with no allowances made for her naturally flamboyant style and personality - and she ignored everything they said. It was great TV and, to be fair to T&S, they broadcast it and laughed about it. I do still have a soft spot for them but I no longer consider them good stylists.

Yes, I am apple shaped and know the type of clothes that make me look good.

I do look at some people and think ‘do they really think they look good in that?’ But having said that I admire their don’t give a shit attitude. It’s a bit weird. As I get older (mid 60s) I do care less, but I try and look ok when I go out, around the house anything goes! I would hate to bump into colleagues of my (younger) husband and them think ‘Christ what a mess’

it is a dilemma but it’s too ingrained in me now to drastically change.

It isn't a female only thing. The reason a lot of men look good in suits, that fit well, is because suits flatter the male physique more than a lot of other clothes.

Obviously, you can wear whatever the hell you like but it won't necessarily look that good.

Yes, people are writing like it’s some form of moral failing.
I don’t like the way caring about what you wear sometimes attracts a cohort who perceive it as a moral failing or a sign you’ve been 100% brainwashed by the patriarchy.

I agree @Wickedlittledancer and @DeafLeppard

Wanting to look good doesn't mean someone is shallow and vain, and not caring whether you look homeless doesn't make one more "worthy" and interesting.

When I went out today I wore an off white sleeveless linen blend top from Uniqlo

https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E483890-000/00?colorDisplayCode=01&sizeDisplayCode=003

and some very lightweight navy culottes. I wore them because they fit well, were ideal for the weather and they suited my shape and my colouring, so shoot me.

I think the OP is more talking about the feeling that you can't wear x, y, z beautiful item of clothing that you just fell in love with because it doesn't 'flatter' you or follow the rules for your shape rather than deciding to search for, buy and love only clothes that do 'flatter' you. Eg, I regularly wear a bright yellow summer dress because I love it and it makes me smile despite the fact that it is the 'wrong' shape and colour for me.
I would say style is less about whether an item gives you 'perfect' proportions and more about whether clothes reflect your personality and general look, others might disagree. I love chatting about clothes and fashion. I don't like framing it in a context of you must look to 'fix' your 'flaws' in order to look stylish and good.
I have surgery scars (a lot of them!), they are ugly and difficult to hide but very few people would tell me I can't look good unless I hide them, so really are my massive boobs or heavy thighs any different? Do they look more 'perfect' in certain styles of dress? Yes so should I only wear clothes that hide my scars so you can only see the 'perfect' bits of skin?

Hard agree. The actual hatred. Awful 😢

That pp would hate me (perhaps actually hate me). I was out today in a cream ruffled linen cotton mix short play suit. I am a size 12 with thighs. Also, I am late 50’s. With veins. The play suit is deeply fabulous, and I look and feel like Cyd Charisse in it. But perhaps I deserve to be stoned, or something.

Wanting to look good doesn't mean someone is shallow and vain, and not caring whether you look homeless doesn't make one more "worthy" and interesting

Nobody has said that. That's your projection.

I wore this dress to a birthday party on Friday. Is it "unflattering" or "flattering"? I don't care. I love it. It's a dramatic dress made of yards of Irish linen in a fabulous colour. It was described, disparagingly, on another thread as looking like strawberry Angel Delight. That just made it better - who doesn't like Strawberry Angel Delight.

Some of you probably think it is "unflattering" as it doesn't give the slightest indication of what the body underneath it, whether the model's or mine, looks like.

https://kindredofireland.com/products/camille-candy