Dressing to "flatter your figure" - or not...

[ArwenUndomniel]

I'm 47 and when I was growing up there were very definite messages about dressing to hide bits of your body that weren't "good". I'm pear-shaped and have always had heavy thighs, and by the standards of the day I didn't have "good legs", so I never wore shorts or short skirts and dresses. I still don't, really, because I find it hard to let go of the notion that showing your legs is reserved for women with coltish figures and slim thighs.

I see younger women wearing pretty much whatever they like regardless of their shape and I feel genuinely envious of them. I'd really like to just throw on a dress that I love even if it doesn't "flatter" my figure! Is there anyone on here of my generation who does that? I do see a lot of posts from women saying they have pear/apple/inverted triangle shapes so they can't wear this, that or the other, so it's clearly not just me, but I'd like hear from people who've managed to let go of the rules and just choose their clothes according to what they love.

I don’t think anyone can tell if it’s flattering on you. This is an anonymous forum, we can’t see you…and what a co incidence a dress that was recommended on here you jist happened to wear.

and yes the undertones are you’re shallow and vain if you care what you look like.

Not RTFT.
I didn't pay much attention to most of Trinny and Susannah's advice. The dress over trousers look is not for me and I look dreadful in collarless jackets.

@thedevilinablackdress
I wish the whole idea of disliking parts of ourselves didn't exist. At what point do we start thinking this way? Teens? Earlier - if you hear a lot of negative comments about the 'wrong' sort of thighs/arms/stomach.
Boobs were considered a bit of a joke and I got teased.
As a teenager I got comments like 'That top makes your boobs look ENORMOUS!'.
Boyfriend joked about needing bigger hands etc.
Local lads would poke fun at me.

The friends making the comments now have 'matronly bosoms'. Mine are still ample but not larger.

I still tend towards loose clothing but I have no idea why people think it's OK to comment about one's appearance unless asked.

I don't dislike any parts of my body but I try to dress in a way that makes me feel confident.

@PhaedraTwo , Colours that don't suit you can make you look drained/ill so why would you wear them?
Because it's a phenomenon I've never noticed either on me or anyone else?
It's definitely noticeable if someone's wearing a colour that doesn't suit them.

It is FABULOUS @PhaedraTwo. I can only imagine the feel of the fabric too.

I've genuinely never noticed that. I suppose because I will be looking at the outfit, not the face.

Flattering in terms of clothing means makes you look great but it's often used to mean to disguise an unattractive feature.

Unflattering is something like someone wearing a smock-style dress if they're busty, someone pear-shaped wearing a knife pleat skirt or someone with short legs wearing low-rise cropped trousers.

There are colours that can make you look a bit wan but there are ways to still wear them

1). Firstly just wear it and don’t worry about it.
2). Add a bit more blusher / bronzer or a stronger lipstick which can counter the effect.
3). Disrupt the colour between the neck and your face with a collar, scarf or necklace
4) wear the colour on your lower half away from your face.
5 ) Add a more neutral layer over or under the item ( eg open shirt )
6) Add another one or two colours like a Japanese supremo. They love a weird colour way.

Wearing a colour you love regardless of whether it suits you “officially” is such a confidence boost.

I agree, it’s an amazing dress. I couldn’t carry it off but I wish I could.

The colette dress is quite nice. The others are hideous.

Why though? Why go out in something that makes you look hideous?

I disagree. I like them, particularly the first one and the black one. I’m pretty used to having my taste disparaged on S&B though.

Agree. Those dresses are neither flattering or unflattering fhey are simply massive smocks

They are a particular "look" which I may not wear myself- because I walk a lot and take the Tube- but I appreciate them and prefer them to many of the clingy tight polyester dresses suggested here.

They are dramatic and theatrical, which I can see would look great on the right person and the right occasion. When I go to Sadler's Wells or the Royal Opera House, I often see arty women wearing dresses like these, and they look amazing.

I think it’d personal taste, I also don’t like the clingy dresses but I’ve never seen anyone look Amazing in those sacks. It’s not jisy clingy or sack. There is a whole range in between,

The Japanese are past masters of colour. I have this book which I use on the regular to put colour together:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/a-dictionary-of-color-combinations/9784861522475

They were writing about good colour combinations a thousand years ago.

And also I love hearing about Kindred of Ireland on here (I know the founder and love what they are doing with Irish linen).

Here we go - sacks. What next? Armish? These posts are so tediously predictable.

All those Envoy of Belfast dresses are gorgeous, especially the raspberry and red ones

There are those who will wear shorts with fat legs, and sometimes arse half hanging out, and those who wouldn’t. We’re all different.

I fall firmly in the camp of NOT wearing shorts with what I feel are unattractive legs.

I do not find attractive others wearing very skimpy clothes who are flabby/large/whatever. In my opinion, they would look far better in a dress (many, many lovely dresses in the shops). But it’s not up to me, it’s up to them. But they would definitely look better in the dress……

Nothing to do with male gaze. This is woman’s view.

But as usual the live and let live camp will shout loudest.

When the sun comes out, so do the sights.

I love that Kindred dress @PhaedraTwo and to me it’s a great example of what we are talking about because it would look so bad on me - wrong colour, I’ve got short arms and a short neck - but I would really enjoy seeing someone else wearing it because it’s fab. Perhaps I’d try to find something similar in a different colour, with a different neckline and sleeves, which would flatter me more, because I wouldn’t feel good in myself knowing my dress just didn’t suit me.

I love seeing stylish people. They don’t have to be beautiful people. They will look good because they have dressed with thought, care and flair. I really enjoy seeing people wearing interesting outfits I’d never wear myself. It’s one of life’s joys.

Every woman in my (slim) family makes remarks when they see an overweight girl walking along in eg a short skirt or something else revealing. From this I assume most other people do
privately as well. If you have unattractive legs, for example (unfortunately I do) it might be nicer to wear a knee-length dress than risk people commenting on your thighs?

and what a co incidence a dress that was recommended on here you jist happened to wear.

Not sure what point you're making. There's no coincidence - I suggested it earlier because it's a dress I own.

Why would you think I care about what your horrible family says? Or other horrible people? I dress for myself.

Speak for yourself - that's you and your family.

That’s horrible and no that’s just your family.

I think it is immensely usual, yes, for people to notice fatness on show. And no matter how many people attempt to make it taboo to comment on it, it is commented on. The thing is though… not everyone cares that they are being commented on. So ultimately it’s personal choice. One might easily ‘ risk’ attracting distaste, if one has no ‘ risk’ of caring what people think.

Haven’t read the full thread, just a couple of pages. Interesting discussions.

I wear comfortable but flattering clothes. My physique is my best feature and I work really hard for it, so I’m going to wear clothes that accentuate it. I walk around in leggings and a hoodie, typically, except in summer when I replace leggings with very short shorts and hoodies with crop tops. I’m mid-30s.

I don’t care if I am doing this subconsciously for the ‘male gaze’ (what a crock of shit) or to gain the approval of other women, how I dress makes me happy. And that’s all that matters.