Starting to massively despair at my clothes shopping … 😭

[warmpinkshawl]

Anyone else like this …?

I’m realising this is why I’ve slid into a ‘uniform’ of old jeans, hoodies and shabby sneakers. Thus us what I’ve worn for over ten years.

When a wedding or event comes along, it turns into a monumentally stressful shopping experience where I panic buy items I find uncomfortable, unsure suit me, and likely never wear again.

I have two events: a funeral on Friday and a weekend in Paris next weekend. I’ve been browsing online for days and woke up at 5 am this morning to continue scrolling and discovered my panic purchase for the funeral won’t arrive in time. I then panic purchased a pair of shoes I think look nice for meals out and the funeral, but already have doubts.

I wish I could break this cycle and be confident in what I wear.

I recently had a haircut I love and it inspired me to try hard again to ‘raise the bar’. But I’m hitting a familiar wall now and dreading the events, and just feeling tired and down about it. My DH just doesn’t have this …

Uuuugh!!

Find a style consultant. Talk to them about what suits you and what doesn’t suit you and WHY.

OP it isn't your fault. Your DH doesn't have it because dressing for men is easy. Styles basically stay the same and so pieces can easily be combined. For women it's different. Hemlines go up and down, so do waistlines. Bows go in and out, skinny and baggy rotate... Even if you don't want to follow fashion you're forced to because you won't be able to get something for love or money if it's not currently the fashion. Ask me how I know...
My suggestion would be go to John Lewis for a personal shopper appointment and ask for them to provide a full capsule. Or just ask for a couple of event appropriate outfits if that's what you want. Provide full details of what you will and won't wear, fabrics, colours and styles. It's free and you don't have to buy anything.

I have a vague idea of what suits me.

I have a problem finding items online (live in a rural area) and I have zero concept of what is/isn’t dated. I don’t even have a concept of what is ‘classic’ to avoid the dated/not dated trap. ‘Fashion’ demoralises me and affects my self-esteem.

Sorry, I’m really really low this morning.

I realised this morning how much it impacted me when I started to wonder if I could just cancel the city break.

It’s easy to slip into this at various phases in life as you mature, experience weight fluctuations and go through lifestyle changes. I would pride myself on always being quite a snappy dresser however I frequently go through times where nothing in my wardrobe feels right. Recently I experienced redundancy and a switch to freelance work from home - it’s been very easy to slip into wearing joggers, crocs and sloppy jumpers all day 😆

I think the short answer is that you have to treat your wardrobe almost like any other project in your life - it’s rare, I think, to be one of those people where it all feels effortless and whereby it all falls into place at any given time.

So regular assessments of what you need, usually at the start of a season, regular clear outs, and regular trying on sessions are a good place to start. Last week I went through my wardrobe. I Vinted / charity shopped anything I hadn’t worn the last two spring/summers. I then put together two or three key smart casual outfits, complete with accessories, and photographed myself in them, so I always have an ‘outfit plan’ to hand for random occasions. I also assessed what big events are coming up this season: Weddings, parties, Ascot etc… and put those outfits together. Any ‘holes’ ie… black heels needed to go with outfit A or navy belt for outfit B I made a note of and committed to research and buy.

The other thing I’d REALLY recommend is: have your colours done. It seems like an expensive outlay initially, but once you know your colours, you will always have a more streamlined wardrobe of pieces you can mix and match, and more importantly, you will always feel like yourself whatever you wear. Trust me, in the long run I’ve saved myself thousands in costly mistakes (although I still make them). Some colour consultants also offer a styling service, which I haven’t had, but is a fantastic idea if you’ve totally lost your way.

I know all this sounds a bit anal / twee (even I have a vision of myself from reading this back and I promise you I don’t look like one of those women that’s perpetually on a cruise, nothing could be further in fact), or too much effort, but as I said, it really is worth putting some time aside once or twice a year to go through your wardrobe and make some honest assessments. And trust me on the colours 😊.

As a follow-up, I should have also added what @CrescentMoonLanding has pointed out: fashions change, as well as ourselves. No wonder it’s all a bit of a nightmare to get right!

Hi op I'm sorry you feel so down. I feel like this whenever I put a few pounds on and my clothes don't hang right, it is demoralising.

I find the easiest thing is to identify what kind of shops I like, then I feel comfortable shopping there. For me, it's COS. I've been buying cos clothes for 15yrs so I know I fit in a 38/medium and I know that the shapes fit me and anything they sell in navy will look absolutely fine on me.

Is there a shop you particularly like?

I was in a similar situation so I went to one of the massive M&S stores and spent the day there. I must have tried on one hundred items. I upgraded all my basics, under wear, T shirts, pj’s etc and bought some really good mix and match clothes that feel a lot more modern than my old look.
I also got rid of two bin bags of old clothes that weekend.
I realised I don’t need very many clothes just the right ones that I can mix and match.

I know I need to do this. A new haircut really inspired me to try and I worked through one drawer of clothes a couple of days ago, believing I had momentum this time with these events.

Nope. I don’t.

I will try do this for the future, but right now I’ve got looming events.

I just spoke to DH who suggested, ‘just get to the shops’. So easy. For me this is a drive to a park and ride, a bus trip, and over one hour later starting to traipse around shops.

I’ve done this so many times before with either one of two outcomes:

A pile of clothes that ‘might’ be ok and a plan to return most from the pile after trying on with other things at home. I’ll end up forced to wear at least something out the pile which, at best, was only ever a might be ok.

Or - nothing, because I started out determined to only buy something I like and will wear.

I actually don’t have knowledge of the different shops out there. It’s a mystery to me where people look to find the lovely things I see others wearing. I’ll usually end up in a mall at M&S or Next because they are familiar. I don’t have much loyalty to either.

‘Mix and match’, or a ‘capsule wardrobe’ is also skills based. Again, I can quite spectacularly fuck that up too.

I know I’m sounding negative … I can hear myself. But I HATE this so much.

Even the thread title - “Style and Beauty” - feels like a club I’m not qualified to belong too.

I do wonder if those who follow and love fashion have any idea what it’s like for others struggling to maintain an elusive out reach standard. It sometimes feels cruel to me.

It's hard to give advice when we don't know what kind of style you like but COS, Arket, Other Stories are a good starting point when you want to find stylish but not too expensive clothes. I really like Sezane, Ba&sh and Me+Em too, but they are slightly more expensive. You'd fit right in when you go to Paris if you wear clothes from either of these brands.

I’ve recommended this before but a stylist appointment at a big department store is so helpful. You can have a season revamp appointment or special occasion appointment. I’ve done it a few times and have always come away with things that suits me and I love to wear. I went to John Lewis in a big town 45 minutes away because I also live quite rurally.

I’d say start with the basics for every day, try different styles of jeans from M&S, website is easy to use and easy to see the different styles.
basic T-shirts, decent cotton ones, round neck in neutral colours and some cardigans/ round neck jumpers and then update trainers, I’d go for Adidas in a beige colour as will go with everything.

For funeral, pair of wide leg black trousers, again check out M&S and a pale colour shirt, some flat beige coloured loafers or ballet shoes.

For your weekend away, rinse and repeat the T-shirts, jeans and trainers. Also throw in a couple of round neck jumpers in spring or neutral colours and a short jacket.
Maybe a couple of nicer tops and ballet flats/loafers for evening.

I’m placemarkimg because I’m exactly the same. So stressful!!

Oh blimey I have never even heard of any of those brands.

Sympathies, OP, I have much the same hatred for clothes shopping and total lack of interest in fashion, which is why I wear dresses all the time, and will wear the same four things round and round until they wear out. I keep thinking I should go shopping for a funeral outfit so I don't have to panic-buy something awful: I have a grandmother in her late nineties, she is perfectly well but realistically I can expect to go to a funeral in the next three years. It feels like tempting fate though.

If it helps, you don't have to get new clothes to go on holiday. Even fashionable places like Paris and Milan will have their share of residents who don't give a crap about it. Being comfortable is more important.

Op there's nothing wrong with wearing jeans and hoodies if that's what your lifestyle needs. I'm a jeans wearer, rarely in anything else, but the key is to upgrade the shapes every few years so the look is current. I have 18 pairs of jeans, some barrel, some straight and some wide legged.

Why not start with a couple of pairs of jeans.

As for special occasion dresses, if you don't normally dress in dresses feeling good and relaxed in one isn't going to happen ime. If you can find some trousers and a jacket you like or a suit, wear that with a white t shirt to a funeral and again to a wedding, with some blingy accessories.

♥️

When I got into a rut and no longer felt like I knew what suited me after having a child and my body changing shape, I booked a John Lewis style appointment. It was brilliant. I revamped my whole wardrobe and got a better idea of what suited me so that I can keep buying clothes which look and feel good. I know you live rurally, but if you can get to a John Lewis, I would book an appointment and give it a go.

I would absolutely chill if with my DH and kids, because no one will ever see me again. But on this occasion I’m staying in a nice hotel with a group of people who have style. I don’t want to be the bumpkin among them. (Christ, the panic just bubbled up again just typing that).

I don't know your budget etc but if you can afford it why not book an online session with a stylist. I follow this woman on Facebook and like what she posts
https://styledbysusie.co.uk/

oP this is where a personal shopper can help. If you don't know what you like they will love that and view you as a blank canvas! You could describe your body shape and what you need the clothes for (event/ everyday/ work etc) when booking. Over the course of the session it will become much clearer what you like. Also they do all the hard work of finding different sizes while you just sit there is a lovely big glam changing room!

I know what you mean! I dread any event that takes me out of my uniform of black leggings and long slouchy tops. I’m already dreading my son’s wedding day and he’s not even engaged. I loved clothes when I was younger (and slimmer) but I am clueless now.

Thank you. I’ll do this. I can’t afford it plus clothes right now, but I’ll definitely do it when I can.

I have a wedding coming up next year. I do NOT want to be in this situation then too.

I also loved clothes when I was younger. Hard to relate to who I was then.