Starting to massively despair at my clothes shopping … 😭

[warmpinkshawl]

Anyone else like this …?

I’m realising this is why I’ve slid into a ‘uniform’ of old jeans, hoodies and shabby sneakers. Thus us what I’ve worn for over ten years.

When a wedding or event comes along, it turns into a monumentally stressful shopping experience where I panic buy items I find uncomfortable, unsure suit me, and likely never wear again.

I have two events: a funeral on Friday and a weekend in Paris next weekend. I’ve been browsing online for days and woke up at 5 am this morning to continue scrolling and discovered my panic purchase for the funeral won’t arrive in time. I then panic purchased a pair of shoes I think look nice for meals out and the funeral, but already have doubts.

I wish I could break this cycle and be confident in what I wear.

I recently had a haircut I love and it inspired me to try hard again to ‘raise the bar’. But I’m hitting a familiar wall now and dreading the events, and just feeling tired and down about it. My DH just doesn’t have this …

Uuuugh!!

Try asking AI Gemini or similar. It gives great advise if you put in your body shape etc. I have started using it to try and avoid fashion mistakes of which I have made many 😂

Someone has probably already suggested, but I found the John Lewis wardrobe refresh really useful. Especially the bit where I thought the jeans I'd turned up in were fine and she narrowed her eyes slightly and said 'I'll just pick some up for you to try..' She was right.

It was a good very stress free use of 2 hours. And saved lots of ordering and sending stuff back..

Seriously. You could buy from charity shops. I went to my grans funeral in a 15 quid asda dress that I still have to this day. You don't need to spend big. These days I buy from charity shops. Some of my best purchases have cost three pounds

I'm struggling to find summer trousers that don't go baggy at the knees. The last ones I bought don't even last the day!

Has anyone found any that don't cost a lot?

I know a very lovely stylist if you’d like.

I’m trying to get myself out of the panic shopping too. I realized I need funeral clothes for summer and winter (and currently should check they fit). And then did a spreadsheet thing of how I spend my time in occaisions per month (school run =20, family weekend outfit =4, hiking =6, friend night =1) and special occasions. Then you make sure you have enough clothes for all of these so if I had 2-3 friend outfits I could go on a city break. My husband’s family also dress modestly for special occasions and they give less than a month notice for weddings. So last Eid I bought three dresses off of Shein instead of just one. And Christmas season I might need 7 sets of nice stuff back to back so one skirt 3 tops won’t work.

Also love that you ordered from uniqlo, I like them.

https://www.wearsmymoney.com/category/fashion/

You might find this website helpful because she puts looks together.

Lots of advice on here. I do like fashion/style/clothes, but had a similar losing my way experience after having dcs. I'm a similar age to you and live in casual clothes as wfh or yoga clothes, as teach/do a lot of yoga.

I think you can use a formula to help you. For casual, as others have said: great hoodie, jeans and trainers. Have some slightly more formal clothes for those kind of occasions. I agree that smarter trousers and jacket can give you instant smarter options. I personally don't suit very classic or formal styles and find this is the best way round this. Your ideas for Paris sound lovely.

Can you sew? You mentioned making a dress in one of your posts.

I have found inspiration from a lot of sewing accounts in instagram I follow. Fibremood (sewing magazine) and atelier jupe (pattern company) give me a lot of ideas and I also look at people who follow those accounts for inspiration too.

There is a difference between being in fashion and being stylish. In fashion definitely follows recent and current trends, and will be easier to buy in shops but not necessarily always suit you. Being stylish is all about knowing what suits you and takes more time in figuring that out but is worth it in the long term.

Don't give up though. I totally understand that panic and fear of not knowing what to wear or how to find it.

Thank you to everyone. I thought I’d update. I’ve bought a pair of wide leg dark ‘jeans’ off Halara, some black trousers and a black jumpsuit. As basics. I’ve ordered a corduroy jacket from White Stuff (pictured), new trainers. I’m hoping to get a red linen jacket for my birthday (if the fat hints landed). That’s enough for the trip away if I add in tops I have and then I need to build on it.

A lot of stuff in my wardrobe just doesn’t fit so I need a massive clear out and I’ll try re-build.

I was looking again at Stylebook, and thinking that might help me keep a sensible wardrobe going. Time consuming work, but I really have to do something . Are there better apps out there?

I can sew, and knit and I have a dedicated room and ALL the kit. I’m just so time strapped. Realistically, I won’t be able to sew until probably August. It sounds insane, but I am back to back ‘booked up’ until then.

No, I totally get you. I like space and no pressure when I want to sew something. Which means I can go ages without cutting fabric. But when I do sew, it ends up being something I really want to wear.

If you won't get time u til August, then that might give you time to figure out what you are missing from your wardrobe. What you've bought sounds like really good staples and items you cam mix with a range of colours of tops or bottoms, and that's what you can focus on to make once you know what you would like.

Placemarking OP as I understand entirely and this is very much my experience too

That dress doesn't fit the model properly at the back. The front is lovely, I have similar from Phase Eight.

I may be inclined to buy a good navy trousers suit which will suffice for either a wedding or a funeral and then accessorise it accordingly. For a funeral have dark shoes and bag and a plain blouse but for a wedding you can go wild on the blouse, shoes, bag and hat/fascinator without stressing.

Your original post made me feel quite sad for you, @warmpinkshawl ...! I love clothing & expressing myself through it, so I felt sad that you had become so down about the process. So I'm glad you've returned feeling a wee bit more positive about the bits you've just bought.

The thing is though, it CAN be a process & a bit of a formula etc, rather than madly spontaneous. You're trying to do it the second way (probably because you've put it off too long!), but it sounds as if you have a logical more so than creative brain & that having a process for buying clothes will help.

I would second all the suggestions re a personal shopper & also a colour analysis. I haven't had the latter done as I know what colours work for me (I work in a design field), but can understand how it would help those who don't.

I'm also tall though now a bit larger than you, but two high street shops that I find really good for my height are Jigsaw & M&S Autograph. Neither is cutting edge but their fit & quality are really good, & very useful for basics/key pieces.

I've probably left it too late for suggestions for this weekend, but I'll make them anyway in case they're useful. If you think you might be able to squeeze in another shop/order online (if you can order express delivery), I would consider adding in a few bits that will see you through the weekend & beyond.

Oh, & if you're ever in Edinburgh & want some clothes shopping help, I'll swap for some trading tips - as that would make my head combust!! 😁

So you already know you like - & suit - navy & teal, that black now drains you a bit, & that mustard & certain greens make you look ill. From the mustard comment I'm assuming that it will be more yellowy greens that do that, in which case clear mid-greens towards blue-greens should work for you?

Right now it will be easier to work with a limited palette that you know suits you, & then add to/experiment once you're more comfortable/have had a colour analysis. So I would add in white & beige/stone to the navy & teal, perhaps with some muted/"neutral" greens. Stick to plains but add in a few striking pieces in stripes/florals etc that you can mix & match with a few things.

Your trainers are quite nice, as is your cord jacket. Not sure about Halara jeans ... but if they fit fine then it's a good starting point.

I saved most of these images & not the links - but you can google them if you see anything you like, or ask & I can post the links.

I wasn't sure that, apart from a jumpsuit, you had anything much for going out in? And if your weekend companions are going to be very stylish & well-dressed when you're at dinner, won't they also be when you're walking around Paris?

To start with, skirts. A good midi skirt or three - striped or plain poplin, maybe with an elastic waist, or a good dramatic pattern - will be very useful. Such as these:

Or these:

Or these:

Separates that can be worn together or with other pieces - ie trouser/skirt & top co-ords.

And a few more co-ords.

A great dress (or several!). Casual:

Or more dressy - for those smart restaurants!

Jackets - casual plus some smart denim/blazers.

Cardigans/knitted jackets.