Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

Nobody looks at the one single feature (nose/cheeks/lips), but at the whole. On your photo you look very attractive with , if you have to pick it apart, a Roman nose, beautiful large eyes , delicate/fine skin.

It’s such a shame you feel this way.

Hope it passes, I used to think like you and hated my face (nose especially, mine is so wide I can’t ever wear sunglasses) but somehow with age I got over it, hope you do too

I have a strong nose - it’s quite large and has a bump in the middle. I always wanted a cute little nose but actually I admire women with distinctive noses like Anjelica Huston. She definitely has a strength about her. Once when I was about 25 I was in a queue in a sandwich shop when a woman came up and said “ I love your profile”. I was flabbergasted because it was the thing I liked least about myself . I can still remember that moment and it was 25 years ago. Thank you to that lady because you’ll never know the impact you had on me. Now although I’m never going to be photogenic I know I’m an intelligent, funny, attractive woman and in the whole scheme of things those qualities are so much more important.

I have a Roman nose too OP, and honestly you look so pretty it has cheered me up just to see you I’ve been very down about mine in the past, but gradually cared about it less as I’ve gotten older. Especially after I read about how Jennifer Grey (Baby in Dirty Dancing) wrecked her career by getting a nose job. It was her original looks and bigger nose which gave her character and helped make her recognisable; once she had surgery she just looked like every average forgettable wannabe Hollywood actor, so she didn’t get the roles she deserved. Own your looks OP, you’re rocking them :)

You have beautiful eyes and far from ugly. Unfortunately the mind can play tricks with us. I used to think I was hideous and always wore makeup even for nipping to the shops 5 minutes away. Wore it to bed, wore my hair long and curly to cover my face. Took an ex to make me confident in myself. Stopped wearing makeup to bed, when I had my hair in a ponytail for the first time, my heart was beating so fast. First time in a swimming bikini and wearing skirts showing legs at 42. It made a huge difference in life and now can't believe how insecure I was for no reason. Ex was a time waster but came into my life for a reason. Even the beautiful photos on sm are not the first take, so don't compare yourself to anyone and love the body you're in op.
Confidence counts for a lot, work on that and you'll feel beautiful, because you actually are.

One of the most beautiful women ever - Barbra!

I'm really sorry you feel that way about yourself - there is nothing wrong with your nose and I'm sure you are being far more critical of yourself than is necessary. But I hear you! I really hate my teeth, I have a crowded mouth and at the wrong angle in photos the little snaggletooth I have makes me look witchy or as if a tooth is missing! It can really bother me sometimes, but the truth is that when I look like that it's because I am smiling or laughing naturally. So I try and think of it as less of an ugly photo and more of a photo showing me having a really good time. A lot of our wedding photos show me in a less than flattering light, but that's because I'm in stitches at my husbands speech or singing along like a drunken idiot with my best friends on the dance floor, and they make me feel warm and fuzzy because it's a genuine moment of joy captured. So I've learnt (sometimes anyway!) that looking good doesn't always mean you are having a good time. When I do think I look good in a photo my mouth is usually closed - I might look good but I don't look happy. I hope that makes some kind of sense. My son and his family in the distant future once I'm gone can look at those unflattering photos and see the fun that was had and my personality, not just a pretty face. But I will still do closed mouth smiles when I know a photo is being taken!

@NutellaEllaElla

I have days where I feel the same. The more I avoid mirrors and cameras the less I dwell on it and the better I feel. I use fabulous make up on the dark under eye circles and it makes a huge difference to that so i've got that going for me .

Can you name that makeup please @NutellaEllaElla

I have a massive nose, and dickheads in bars used to say "Concorde" etc to me, usually if I'd politely turned them down for a drink!! Some people are just dicks.

I know it IS massive, because my kids tell me these days . But I honestly don't care! I tell them I'm proud of it. Loads of great beauties have big noses, OP. Including you and me!!

@IvysPoison Ah you sound just like me! I am terrible in photos...my face doesn't do what I want it too...if I'm in a jokey mood sometimes I just say 'I have a bit of a shit face 😂' and sometimes I get times like today. I'm gangly as well and my limbs always look awkward and like I don't know what to do with them. I guess we may look better in real life.

@DaveDave Aww, thank you!

@WingingItSince1973 Thank you very much. I'm tempted but it's too outing for me (even though I've probably done that anyway 🙈) x

You're beautiful. Yes your nose is big (mine is too)! But big noses aren't ugly. It used to be very insecure about it. Still can be now and again. But it's just my face.

We can be so over critical but people don't look at us as intensely as we look at ourselves. My mum used to tell me if I was complaining about something about my face, to look at the face as a whole rather than individual features. Trust me your beautiful!

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan I think age will improve my perception. Thank you.

@Divebar2021 Ah thanks ..I forgot about Anjelica Houston! A man at work said I looked like her and I just dismissed it but she is a striking lady. Wow that's a great compliment to receive, I love it when people make others feel good 👍
@nomorecrumbs. Thank you so much! I'm so glad if this post has helped you x

@pal812 Thank you. I think I need to work on my confidence which is the main issue.
@cakebythepound1234 Ah wow your point really reasonates with me...so true! If we are enjoying outselves it's not always 'picture perfect' and that doesn't matter. I look like such an idiot on a night out but that's because I'm dancing and singing at the top of my voice! 😁

@allycat4
Ah now you sound amazing! Wish I knew you IRL! Exactly the same thing had happened to me 😂 Much love xx

@miltonj Thank you! I wish more people were accepting of big noses as being beautiful (on women especially) but I guess everyone's perception of beauty of different.

You look lovely and your eyes are simply beautiful.

Looking at this photo there’s nothing wrong with your nose, and you have the most beautiful big brown eyes. There’s no way you look ‘ugly’ but it doesn’t matter who tells you that, you won’t believe it. I have a ‘cute little turned up button nose’ as my mam and now husband say. But to me it’s a pigs nose. And no matter what anyone says, I hate it! Yet my son has inherited it, and he is so cute and handsome! We always find something to dislike about ourselves, that’s how cosmetic surgeons are rich! Try not to think about it, and join in the photos, because if anything happens to you, your children will be grateful you did. X

Are you me?

I have literayjust sent my mum some photos my DH took of me today/in the last week and I look utterly hideous. I also have trichotillomania and in one video it looks absolutely horrific.

I'm pregnant so will struggle to lose weight. O need to lose about 2 stone I think. I need to figure out how to stop the trich. I too have had it 25 years +

I'm feeling shit right now :(

OP you look stunningly pretty .
Your eyes are gorgeous...
Hope you feel better tomorrow, I guess you must just be feeling a bit off / down today as you really are beautiful.

Google rossy de palma. She is a Spanish model and actress and looks amazing. She has a large nose and is fabulous and sexy. I have a large nose and hated it when I was younger. Now I don't give a damn and like my strong features. Own it op. You look

Sorry. Pressed too soon. You look fabulous. Honestly.

@Horehound So sorry you feel bad, and about the trichotillomania. Its so hard to control isn't it? Been looking for solutions but not sure what to do.
I can control it to some extent but still do it everyday, I get embarrassed when people point it out to me 😬 Feel free to PM if you want to.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have similar problems to you OP but add in I'm 4 stone overweight too! I'm addressing the weight anyway, but I'm also having an integrated hair topper fitted soon from a salon that specialises in hair loss and hair problems. It won't be cheap, but I think great hair can distract from a multitude of other imperfections! My own hair is so fine, and I also have a receding hairline so have a big forehead. My nose was broken in an accident, and as it healed, the bridge has a bump on it. I don't go too far with make up, but BB cream really suits my skin, and gives it a slight sun-kissed appearance. Blusher, eyeliner, mascara and eyebrow pencil also makes a huge difference for me anyway. We all have things we don't like about ourselves, and do sometimes focus on them much more than others do. I think you look lovely in your photo BTW

You look really lovely op. I can relate to feeling like shit when I see pictures of myself though, clearly it’s something lots of us experience!

And the salon I'm going to for my hair topper do work with a lot of clients who have trichotillomania, and seem to have great success in helping them break the cycle. It's not something I know much about, but from their Facebook and Instagram they do regularly show successful hair replacements etc

I was expecting something quite different to your photograph. You are a very attractive woman.
I would love to be ‘gangly.’ Far better than my matronly body!

@again2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector *@nutellaEllaElla*.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

Are you kidding?

You look lovely 💕

You remind me of Davina McCall and she is my secret girl crush.

There’s a wonderful line from Salman Rushdie’s ‘Midnight’s Children’....

“That’s a nose to build a dynasty on”

The line speaks to its beauty and power, it’s uniqueness. You are stunning OP.