Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

I am genuinely the ugliest person I know. No exaggeration. I think I look OK in the mirror (never great, but servicable) then I see candid photos and am horrified.
Pale with heriditory dark circles made worse by medication,(and super thick prescription that makes them really obvious).
Jaw that really needs realigned as I can't bite together or get a natural normal smile. I had braces but honestly the only fix is full surgery. I got veneers on NHS for front five teeth as medication taken by my mum when she was pregnant made them black (she couldn't have known-it was 80s)
Huge lower half. Clothes never look good and I am extremely limited in what I can wear
Lanky, think hair that looks like a helmet.

I loathe the way I look but it is what it is. I always take the pictures and just shrug off the photos I have no control over.

I spend a lot of time and money on the under eye circles as I was sick of being asked if I was ill.
After many years and literally thousands of pounds, I found a routine that works :

1. every morning prior to shower, kheils under eye treatment topped off with cereban moisturiser. It is amazing
2. after shower, dab of cereban again. Let set 3)bobby brown corrector in light bisque under eyes
3. Laura mercer flawless concealer under eye 5)foundation witn a sponge, not a brusg
4. let set
5. finish off with small amount of LM concealer
6. repeat the serum and moisturuser before bed

I've also in the past had tear trough filler which was great but I can't afford it each year. Saving up again.

As for the teeth, there's nothing I can do so I just don't look at photos.

This is a long way of saying I totally get it. There is nothing wrong with your nose but that doesn't stop you feeling rubbish about it. It's shit but small changes can build confidence. Not saying you'll want to look at photos but I Know that I've done the best I can with what I have and there's no point obsessing over something I can't change.

Sorry haven't read the full thread. We are our own harshest critics - sometimes its just a bad photo & some people are more photogenic than others. Please don't crop yourself out of photos / delete yourself from the family album though- at some point your DD will cherish the photos of you with her as she's growing up, she will see your beauty in them

I lost a tooth with each child and do I have 4 missing. Most of the time I keep my mouth closed but you know life is for living and all that. I have a pointy nose, I'd love a Roman nose!!! Best of luck OP, as someone said above kids dont care, and I have relatives that wouldn't get into photos and now, after they've died, I'm sad about it. Find what makes you feel good (in general eg walks swimming etc) and go with it, also there's some great bb or cc creams out there, and some good under eye concealers- collection one is about 3 quid but is amazing, the maybelline age rewind one, also no7 have one for dark circles or if you want to go spendy, the clarins one for dark circles. Best of luck OP!

Roman noses are classical and sexy. I dont understand why having good bone is a bad thing. From what I could see from your picture I think you look strikingly beautiful. Also having good bone structure means you will age really well. Be proud you look gorgeous xxx

I have a similar issue but it's because I am fat and have made little effort to address that. My arse is huge and my nose is so small I can't buy sunglasses as the sodding things won't stay on most of the time. I digress.

My mum died recently and is of a generation where while there are lots of pics, very little casual impromptu video.
A family member sent me a clip recently I didn't know existed. It was the best thing in the world to get. My mum looks like me but I didn't see any of her flaws. I saw her laughing and enjoying herself. Not a dying woman in pain and barely conscious.

Sorry to be so heavy, I know it's style and beauty and not bloody aibu. I just wanted to say that for your DD, don't avoid the video camera because it's unflattering. If you want a nose job or a make up lesson or something else that will make you feel better about it then fill your boots, but genuinely you will be the only person who cares.

I was surprised seeing that photo! You are very far from ugly!

On Reddit when the question comes up asking men what they find attractive, there are ALWAYS multiple comments from men who love big noses like Chelsea Perreti from Brooklyn 99. Obviously it's not all about wanting to please men but I'm just making the point that plenty of people genuinely think striking noses are a plus not a minus.

My face is like a talking plate iof mashed potato

This did make me laugh @Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow !

I have usually found women are more attractive than they think they are. We are too hard on ourselves.

@again2020 my goodness you’ve got a lovely profile! I always wanted a roman nose, mine is too fleshy and squat. Like an upside down strawberry.
I’m glad others have said the same.
I have days when I wonder how I can ever leave the house. One of my eyes is bigger than the other, my eyebrows are wonky, with one much higher than the other, my ears are too big with far earlobes. I avoided having my photo taken with my DC and I still do, but I do make an effort after knowing people whose family members died but they have next to no photos of them because of camera avoidance.

@again2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector *@nutellaEllaElla*.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

Wow, I think you look lovely, OP. Striking and fierce looking.

OP, you have nothing to worry about. You have the nose of a medieval queen. Some of us are stuck with the nose of a medieval peasant.

I always look like shit in photos. Some of us are just terribly unphotogenic

I'm sure you are seeing yourself in a different way to others- for you there are things you're not happy about so when you see photos/videos you're likely to only be noticing those things. Others won't be doing that and will see the whole package. Be kinder to yourself and try to focus on what you DO like about yourself. Maybe get some therapy too?

Another one here who thinks you look great op, I do like a strong nose on men and women. I think it gives character. You look like you have gorgeous big round eyes too and from what I can see lovely lashes too. I think it's time to embrace your looks op, you may never have a button nose but the nose you have is great too.

Yeah OP the reason that guys haven’t been out off by your “enormous” nose is that you’re bloody gorgeous!

What strikes me most about your photo, even tho it's homing in completely on your nose, is your eyes! And you have beautiful eyes and this is where people look. A simple CBT based drill that a friend used for not scratching skin was this, maybe you could try similar while waiting for services: when you feel the urge, clench your fists and count to ten, then you need a clicker or maybe a pen and paper would work and you click for each time you do this and avoid the habit, over the weeks your daily number should go up. Simple but worked very well for her, changed her life. I'm glad you've got such support op, you seem a really lovely person.

I was really expecting a photo of you to look like Snape from the way you described yourself. And your photo is more like Suranne Jones. Gorgeous!

Photos are generally awful. My critical teenage daughters even say I look much better and younger in real life compared to photos.

I love people’s ‘imperfections’. I was watching Dirty Dancing to other day and Jennifer Grey’s is absolutely gorgeous, her nose really made her strikingly beautiful. It’s so sad that she changed it.

You nose is probably bigger than average, but does that make it ugly? Of course it doesn’t! Own your beautiful, fierce, goddess nose!

@again2020 you have the most beautiful eyes!!! And what mascara do you use??

I hope you don't mind @op if I also share a picture. Does anyone else have this pocket of fat and jowls that just won't go away?!

@panpig is that salon in Edinburgh?

@HotCupOfNo yes! And this is what got me so upset yesterday.
Need to lose weight but I can't yet. Actually when I went for an early pregnancy scan they were offering digital liposuction and this is exactly the kind of thing they would treat. So once I give birth, I'm booking it!!

I can't tell exactly but you look a lot like me! I'm regularly told I'm 'stunning' 'beautiful' etc and as I've aged, I've learnt to accept it, despite spending many years thinking I'm a bit of an ugly duckling!
I wear light make up but never have a day off from wearing a good brightening tinted moisturiser and always wear a pinky blusher (I look a bit ill without it!)

Photos are tricky with our hooter but I have one particular angle/pose, which I'm guaranteed to look pretty good in! It's fail safe and I always engineer it so I'm at the right angle when someone whips the camera out
I looked amazing in everyone of our wedding photo thanks to it - dh was very jealous!
It's taken me two decades of hating myself in almost every photo to discover this and it literally took a few minutes of taking photos of myself to find my magical photogenic side!
People now comment on how photogenic I am, which is hilarious as I used to look shocking in every photo.

@Horehound I'm sorry you have it too but I'm so glad I'm not alone!! I'm 5 weeks pregnant so there's also very little I can really do before my wedding in June, but there we do. Never heard of digital liposuction but have been looking into 'coolsculpt' which is supposed to freeze the fat and then you pass it as crystals!!

@HotCupOfNo I think all these different types of non invasive lip will be very similar. I'm just reading you may need a few weeks or months of treatments. Need to find out the cost!

I made a special effort this weekend to look good for an event, I was so pleased with my hair and outfit and even DP commented I looked nice. I had a great time and felt really confident.

The WhatsApp now shows that in multiple photos, I look like an actual scarecrow. It's just not how I remember the day at all! I'm choosing not to look.

This is another thing that got me so upset last night. I had my hair done a few weeks ago (before and after on day of hair app), loved it was so happy! Then my husband recorded me and my son playing and this is the horrific sight :( wtf. So sad