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Original poster

Cringed today about how ugly I am

199 replies

again2020 · 09/05/2021 20:47

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania Sad), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

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Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 21:56

@YellowPenPinkPen I'll have to look up Leona Lewis. I always thought she was really pretty.

OP posts:
babbaloushka · 09/05/2021 21:58

Oh OP, you're stunning. Completely normal sized nose and striking eyes. You look tan too! I was expecting pasty, Dracula white, you have a lovely complexion.

www.reddit.com/r/Noses/ this is the subreddit, worth having a little look through to see what you think.

BringMeTea · 09/05/2021 22:02

I love your nose. Such gravitas and style.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 09/05/2021 22:06

I can identify with some aspects of this. I have a beaky nose, dark circles and pale skin. It's genetic, the circles are there regardless of how well I've slept.

As a result, I am not photogenic. There is something about the camera that accentuates my negative points. I hate photos of myself.

BUT, in my experience, other people notice these things far less than I do. Where I see a beaky nose and washed out face, others just think "Oh, it was nice to see MercyAndGrand at that party!" I would be willing to bet that this also applies to you. No one else sees what you see.

Also - you are focusing on the negative, not the positive. You say you're a runner and in good shape - I bet £100 that at some point a friend of yours who might be slightly overweight has looked at a photo of the two of you together and thought "Oh god I look fat, I've ruined that photo, I wish I was slim like again2020" while you looked at the exact same photo and envy their nose/skin/hair.

Nobody will ever be as critical of your appearance as you are yourself. No one will think you ruin photos - they invited you there because they like you.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 09/05/2021 22:10

I think you look lovely!

My face is like a talking plate iof mashed potato

maddiemookins16mum · 09/05/2021 22:12

I hate myself in photos too, I have more Chins than needed, I’m sure my moustache is showing and I look Matronly. But, today my teen DD said, ‘Mum, I’m glad I inherited your lovely blue eyes’, I actually almost had a tear form as I was shredding cabbage for dinner.

Seriously, I really have to try hard to look ‘good’, so I invest in decent hair cuts, take good care of my teeth and have funky glasses, these make me look more presentable (despite the chins).

Serpenta · 09/05/2021 22:13

@LunaNorth

Camille Cottin has a classic Roman nose and is absolutely beautiful.

I’m sure you look lovely, OP.

I was going to mention Camille Cottin too. So beautiful and her nose enhances this. Op, from the the part of photo you've posted I think you look great but if you genuinely hate your nose have the surgery! It's not frivolous to care about your appearance.
Season1Episode1 · 09/05/2021 22:16

Roman noses/ Big noses are sexy!

I have days/ moments like this OP and it is a real downer. I get down about how minging I am, and then down about how much this bothers me/ how vain I am.

bubblebath62636 · 09/05/2021 22:22

Op you are gorgeous! You have lovely skin, eyes and your hair looks well looked after!

For what it's worth i know how you feel, i used to look gorgeous but let myself go through years of depression. My teeth are even more wonky, i have lank fine hair and I am at least 7 stone overweight.

However, life is too short and I'm doing something about it all! Currently lost 2 stone even though pregnant just through healthy eating and getting braces next year.

Please don't feel so self conscious op, you truly are pretty.

Serpenta · 09/05/2021 22:23

I think button noses are overrated. Jennifer Grey obviously felt pressure to 'fix' her nose and I don't want to say it ruined her looks but it did make her look generic. Her big nose was so attractive and gave her face character.

Staffy1 · 09/05/2021 22:25

I bet no one else thinks you look bad. People always seem to dwell on what they think are their weak points, where no one else even notices. It sounds so cliche, but personality shines through and makes all the difference to whether someone appears ugly or not.

toastfiend · 09/05/2021 22:26

I would honestly love to have your nose, OP.

I have a Roman nose, too. It's enormous and I broke it when I was 5 and it was never reset as we were on holiday in a very remote place at the time, so it's also wonky, with a big jutting bit of bone on top. I spent my formative years being bullied for it at school. Your nose looks great to me.

I used to be incredibly self conscious of my nose, and I hated how I looked in photos. I considered rhinoplasty for a while, but, as others have said, these days I find I care less. I'm still a bit self-conscious in front of the camera, I'm never going to be the most photogenic person in the room, but I've tried to learn angles that work for me and make me feel more confident, and, actually looking back at old photos helps. I look back at so many that I saw at the time and thought were dreadful, but I look at them now, with a buffer of time and, honestly, they're fine. They're nice photos where I'm happy and smiling and I don't look at them and think "what a hideous human!" I just think about what a nice day that was and how could I think I looked so terrible at the time.

I've been to IAPT for other things and found it helpful, so would agree with the recommendation to try them.

Nickynackynooo · 09/05/2021 22:26

@HotCupOfNo

I feel exactly the same!! I'm early 30's, overweight but not massively, but have the most awful double chin. It looks like the bottom of my neck is literally attached to my chin. I've been looking into jawline and chin fillers as I'm so down about it. I'm Getting married in 6 weeks and I'm just terrified of how the pictures are going to come out.

Sorry I don't suppose this helps much, but just wanted to show solidarity!

You shouldn't worry. Every bride looks beautiful on their wedding day, every single one Good luck x
Holothane · 09/05/2021 22:27

The only pictures I like are my 2nd wedding photos and the one where I met Peter Capaldi all others I hate, there is no bedroom mirror ever. The bathroom one I can cope with because it’s face only and I can avert my eyes if too much body is showing.

Staffy1 · 09/05/2021 22:27

Just seen your pic, your nose is fine, hair and eyes lovely.

bambooelectrictoothbrushhead · 09/05/2021 22:32

I think you look absolutely beautiful. I would love to look like you.

Nickynackynooo · 09/05/2021 22:32

@again2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector *@nutellaEllaElla*.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

You are so brave to put a photo up. It really isn't that bad, I bet it was just a bad photo wrong angle thingy and all that.

You can get filler injections in your nose to straighten it. The Osho clinic does them in Wimbledon but they can't be the only one that does. Why don't you look at some YouTube's of it. It's bloody brilliant honestly

You could also invest in invisible braces for teeth. This would help with your smile and then you automatically look prettier. But honestly you will look back in 20 years time and wonder why you thought this way

littlebillie · 09/05/2021 22:32

Can I recommend you get some decent photos taken just for you, I would just look head shots and get someone with experience to get your best look. Find a picture you like and hang on to that.

I love taking pictures of family but I'm always careful they look good in them. Anyone can have a rubbish picture taken, wrong light or expression and you can add a decade to their age.

EmpressSuiko · 09/05/2021 22:33

I’m so sorry you feel this way, I’m sure you are actually stunning in real life and I can genuinely relate you as I inherited my fathers Jewish nose, which has been broken and is deviated.
I have an asymmetrical face as well so my right side looks awful compared to my left.
For some reason people say I’m beautiful snd act shocked when I mention me wanting rhinoplasty.
I don’t see what they see and photographs certainly don’t portray it either!
Everyone tells me these things are all in my head but it’s difficult to see it from their perspective.
It amazes me how I can pick out every single fault on mine but I don’t analyse anyone else in the same way, I don’t pick my friends or family apart, trying to find these issues, I just don’t see them whatsoever and I always feel so sad for everyone who feels like I do as it can put such a damper on everything.
Have you tried CBT therapy to work on body dysmorphia? It did help me a bit but it takes a lot of focus and energy.

Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 22:33

@HotCupOfNo I'm sure you will look amazing on your wedding day! (I would be the same FWIW) Enjoy it Flowers and have a great time. X

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 09/05/2021 22:34

I always think I look fine in the mirror but if someone takes a photo or I catch a glimpse of myself I look hideous !!

IvysPoison · 09/05/2021 22:34

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with a Roman nose/larger nose at all. I have a nose similar to yours in size and shape and there is nothing wrong with our noses! 😆 My SiL has an actual Roman nose (it's honestly huge) and she's a really attractive woman. In fact, there are so many people, famous and otherwise, who have big noses and it's usually their nose that makes them distinctively attractive and stand out from the crowd.

Secondly, I can tell from that small cropped photo that you've posted that you are not ugly in the slightest.

Thirdly, I am always being told by friends and family how attractive I am...but in photos I look horrendous. The camera does weird things to my face to make me look disproportionate, pasty and just generally eurgh. I asked my sister once if I really was that ugly in really life after seeing a particularly awful photo of myself and she said "I don't know why your face does that in photos because you don't look like that in real life" 🤣 Some of just look really shit on film.

DaveDave · 09/05/2021 22:35

Your nose is just fine, and you have beautiful, soulful brown eyes x

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2021 22:37

You look gorgeous in your pic and your eyes are amazing. Curious to see more of your face but obviously understand you wouldn't want to. Seriously though I think you are beautiful xx

Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 22:38

Thank you for the people who said nice things about my nose/appearance. So amazed, genuinely. You are all so very kind Flowers

I'm not going to have surgery, as I've made it to 36 years old and would rather work on my self confidence. If I had a spare 5k I'd rather take my daughter on holiday or something. Just a personal preference.
I can't remember who put it but 'gravitas and style' is the best thing I've ever heard about the nose, so I'll take it. I get asked if I'm Jewish all the time, not as an insult though, just interested. I have had plenty of nose related insults too but not for years.

You have all helped me put the issues in perspective, and I'm very grateful xx

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