Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

My mum hates photos of herself and when we look through family albums she hates it and is so critical about her appearance. But we all think she looks so lovely (even if we do take the piss re hair/fashion). Looking through those albums is so much fun! And most of the fun comes from seeing how different we all looked years ago.

I know how you feel because I also look awful in photos but I always remember those albums. So even on those rainy walks when I've got my old leggings on and hair scraped back, I stand in and smile because they are precious to look back on, even if I have to cringe my way through it! (And I will)

Also, everyone in the pictures saw you at the time. For them, looking at the photo is not a new vision of horror, they are just looking at a picture of someone they love and probably spent a lovely day with.

So no real practical advice I'm afraid, (although the PPs comment about finding your best angles is excellent!) I just wanted to say - please don't avoid the camera.

Also, OP I've just seen your photo and your eyes and colouring are stunning. And I genuinely have no idea why you hate your nose, you have a really lovely profile.

Today 15:46babbaloushka

Horehound

I often get the same way, getting older is difficult when we are so entrenched in the belief that our value is intrinsically linked to our appearance. The most precious part of the picture you hated is you spending time with DC. Being their mum and playing games with them in their car. Those memories are worth so much more than how you looked, and that bond transcends appearance in every sense. Your DC isn't going to look back and think "God mum looks awful there", they're going to see a snapshot of a wonderful moment between the two of you.

^This post is so true.

I think when you have a strong/unusual/different feature, it can feel miserable if you are measuring yourself by the archetypal standard of "beauty" which is all quite samey. When in fact, the most beautiful people are the ones with something a bit different, especially when they have confidence in it. You do have a roman nose but if you did anything to change it, you would lose something special about your look and "you"ness. The secret is to learn to say fuck it and walk tall, and know that you can look great with a non-standard feature.

Having said that I know how it feels to hate a photo of yourself. I went to a friends wedding and I was dancing away, unbeknown to me she took a photo of me, then later sent it to me and I thought wtf, you thought I'd like to see this??? I looked about twice my age, hunched, gurning and with a multi-chinned parsnip neck. My kids had a right laugh!

But it would be awful to let that get me down and give up on my love of clothes, enjoying make-up or having a dance. Onwards and upwards.

@Horehound I have very thin skin and I find that doubling up the moisturiser allows the makeup to stop creasing in my eye lines. I know it seems completely pointless, but it honestly works.

Cereban moisturising cream everyone. It's honestly so good and cheap!

@TedDansononmyown ah ok I just thought it would just wash off in the shower!

I'm off to Google!

@babbaloushka you are so right and I can imagine in years to come looking back and just remembering what a happy day we had. Little one eating a sausage and driving around in his police car. So sweet.

[quote TedDansononmyown]@Horehound I have very thin skin and I find that doubling up the moisturiser allows the makeup to stop creasing in my eye lines. I know it seems completely pointless, but it honestly works.

Cereban moisturising cream everyone. It's honestly so good and cheap![/quote]
I've googled the cream but it's coming up with either Cerave or Cetraben?

Yes I'm seeing cetraben too or ceradan

Cetreban - I need to add fat fingers to my list of personal maladies

Cereve isnt as good

there are ALWAYS multiple comments from men who love big noses like Chelsea Perreti from Brooklyn 99
The first thing I thought when I saw OPs pic was “she looks like Gina from Brooklyn99” and she’s beautiful!

OP honestly I noticed your masssssive brown eyes before your nose!

I think you look beautiful OP , I have a piggy nose, yours is much nicer. I don’t think we are ever happy with how we look. I don’t mind what I see in the mirror but when I see a photo of myself I want to shrivel up. Sadly I have very few photos of me and my children as I hate being photographed so much

Your post made me really sad @again2020. I could have written it myself. I can't bear seeing videos or photos of myself.

I can see from your photo that you are not ugly. Far from it. You're beautiful. It just makes me sad to think about how so many of us are such horrible judges of ourselves. My DP tells me I'm beautiful and sexy but I don't believe him.

I don't think you need to change anything about yourself. The only thing you need to change is how you see yourself!

Hi @again2020, have you looked at Erin O'Conner??

you reminded me of her - and she is stunning with a very strong nose,

nothing wrong with you at all lovely!

@again2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector *@nutellaEllaElla*.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

I have two friends with noses quite similar to yours and they are both absolutely beautiful people.

You are right that you can't change the way you look. But what you can change is the way you feel about it and your self esteem. Have you thought about having some counselling around your self image?

The only things I like about myself are my green eyes and my hair style
The rest of me can go live in a skip
But I am who I am, and if anyone says anything nasty my reply is and always will be... how kind of you to point of what you see is a flaw of a fellow human

I see your incredible eyes, and not your nose. I have a squidgy nose that looks like a potato. I long for a regal nose like yours. If we were being cast in a period drama, they would make you a queen, and I would be scrubbing the floors. (I would in fact excel at this.)

Evening all.

Thank you once again for the replies and giving me plenty of food for thought

@trimtops Erin O Connor! Of course! She is a beautiful lady. Just been reading interviews with her, interesting too!

I love that she didn't change herself, must have had intense pressure in her line of work. Love this photo

Ah can't post photos using phone for some reason! But she has a great profile.

The Camille lady mentioned earlier is beautiful too

My nose is honestly bigger than yours. I also have wonky teeth and fine, greasy hair. I am getting my teeth sorted this year as I've saved up a bit of money, but the nose I'm just going to live with. I usually think I look pretty ok in the mirror and I just avoid photos as much as possible as I find there's always something in them I'll find to criticise about myself. I make sure there's a few tolerable ones of me with the kids but otherwise I just try not to have my picture taken.

Some days I do feel negative about my appearance, but then I think that I still managed to find myself a loving (and handsome!) husband and have two great DC as well as a job I'm good at, so the things I don't like about my looks haven't affected what I've been able to do in life.

My nose has a big square end. I've never liked it. And my teeth are wonky in front so one's always a bit discoloured.

I know I've put 100% more time into noticing them than anyone I've ever met has, though.

You have gorgeous, gorgeous eyes and a fierce nose. You look like you should be playing an empress in some Roman drama.

You have beautiful eyes. I’m jealous of your lashes. A lot of what you said resonated with me. I’m not a fan of my appearance. But I can tell you that the camera can and does lie.

You look lovely! DH's cousins's have similar noses and colouring but both seem quite attractive overall.

I'm always horrified by photos of myself but I figure everyone else already knows what I look like and they're fine with it, no one actually screams when they see me, I'm just not good looking!

I don't mind being in photos as I can just avoid seeing them and I do want my kids to have photos of me.

I do now have a strict veto on anything DH takes before putting them on FB after a particularly unfortunate photo.

Oddly neither of us are particular attractive but somehow our genes have combined to produce quite good looking kids.

To all of unusual g your nose is too big, small noses are not all they're cracked up to be. Glasses don't stay up on them for one. I'm always pushing my glasses back up. I expect my nose is commented on far more than yours is. Don't spend your life worrying about having a big nose. Like other posters have said they give your face character, beauty even. The most I'll ever be is pretty.