Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

@MorrisZapp aw that's a shame but you say your DP "even commented" so it must've really shown how good and extra nice you looked.

I also made an effort for a gathering the other week, full make up, hair, nice thought out outfit. I got a lot of compliments. No wonder when they usually see me as the state as per photos above.

I think lockdown has made me super last with looking after myself. Barely wear any make up whereas before I wore it daily. I'm also mucking about in "active-wear" (haha) purely because I haven't lost my baby weight yet so can't fit any of my old clothes. Now that's put on the back burner whilst I grow my second baby I just think that's another 2 years of looking shit. :(

Lazy*

What on earth are you going on about- I was expecting a shocker from your description but your photo says otherwise.

It’s not even that bad! You have lovely eye lashes and tour skin looks great with no spots.

You obviously see yourself worse than what you are because that photo of you does not look bad in anyway.

I love your nose; you look so elegant and beautiful - it looks really high fashion to me; I could imagine beautiful photos of you and your profile in Vogue. I know this is easier said than done, but I think you should start thinking about carrying yourself with confidence and let yourself be magnificent x

God OP I think you're stunning. Everything about your face is beautiful. You're one of those beautiful quirky women that people remember rather than all the conventionally pretty ones that fade together and into insignificance.

Actually you look a lot like an art teacher my children had in primary school. She's v tall, short dark hair, big eyes and is pale and has a nose which conventionally you'd say was big, but it suits her. She is one of the most naturally stunning women I've ever seen.

I look at all these photos and don’t even notice the nose, they are all just normal faces. People definitely get hung up about features on themselves that most people probably wouldn’t second glance at.

With regards to being called names, that happens to everyone about something. A boy once commented on the amount of moles I have on my arms- it’s like 6 tiny freckles- not even worth mentioning and no one has since, people pick up on anything if they want to be nasty!

[quote Horehound]@panpig is that salon in Edinburgh?[/quote]
No it's in Surrey, but there are hair replacement salons all over the UK now. A quick Google for similar in Edinburgh brings up a salon called crown couture, if that's near you. I think lots more people than we think have extensions or hair toppers

There was somebody on This Morning the other day who thinks she has a large long nose ( I actually like a sizeable Roman nose as I think they look very dignified somehow ) anyway she had filler added to the top where it meets the forehead which really made a real difference as opposed to having a full on nose job

You are BEAUTIFUL, and I’m not just saying that to be kind! You really are, your face is very elegant and beautiful! Your description completely threw me, I was picturing someone completely different 🤣🤣

Your nose looks lovely actually and you can tell by the photo that you are quite beautiful in a dignified way

Theres nothing wrong with changing things that you are unhappy with.
Your nose, could it be improved by a non surgical option, filler?
Teeth, braces?
Dark circles, eye treatment, bodyshop drops of light is great

I hate photos of myself too for different reasons.

Just saw your nose picture, I think you look lovely... you can have filler if you really want though.

@GreenVaseline

OP, you have nothing to worry about. You have the nose of a medieval queen. Some of us are stuck with the nose of a medieval peasant.

Love this comment

I agree. The op's profile picture is stunning.

Sarah Jossel her name is, who had the filler at the top of her nose. She briefly mentions it on a segment she's in on This Morning. It'll be in the app where I'm sure there's a before and after photo

@Isla2021

I get this often too... it really sets me back and I go on a bit or a spiral thinking how can I look better. I'm early 30s, slim and I realise it's only going to get worse as I age.

I'm not sure what the answer is as I haven't resolved it myself, I feel OK in selfies but from photos taken of me from someone else.. is a different story!

Perhaps we need to work on our confidence and self esteem!

If it's any consolation to you and of course the OP, I think confidence can increase as we get older. There's an acceptance of what we look like, a realisation that what's really important is who we are, not how we look in photos or videos.

OP I think you look fantastic in that photo, it was your beautiful eyes I noticed, nothing else, truly.

Hopefully you can access some support for your trichotillomania, some great advice on here

I’m not going to advocate plastic surgery if it’s not for you but I lived my whole younger years with dreadful teeth. I decided in the year before I got married to spend some money on my teeth. It’s is without a doubt the best thing I have done for myself and my confidence.

It’s very easy to just tell you to embrace who you are and smile with confidence in spite of your imperfections but I can hand on my heart say that I wish I had done it years ago. There is just something about being able to smile without a worry.

I hope you feel better xxx

I too love the medieval peasant comment!

I didn't have a thing about my nose until I saw a picture of me sideways, hair tied back. I have a long pointy nose!

But I then started looking at other people's noses and I noticed that many more people have big noses than small noses, which made me think that actually having a big nose is much more standard.

I know many women (and men) who aren't particularly attractive. However, the nice, funny, warm, interesting ones are all popular with both sexes. The ones who are bitchy and nasty are not popular. So I conclude that looks really are superficial and the vast majority of people see past them (or actually, often don't see looks at all).

Agree with the teeth comment though. Ive had 2 lots of cosmetic dental treatment cos my dad was determined that i wouldn't be like him and never smile showing my teeth.

Hi OP, just a note to say please don't always avoid the camera with your DD. My mum did this when I was small and I don't have any photos of the two of us from when I was a child. I wish I did! As an adult, I can understand that my mum is not conventionally beautiful (not saying that is the case for you btw), but as far as I'm concerned, she's just my lovely mum. You sound like a lovely mum too

Being 'striking' always feels like being second best to 'pretty'. But people who are striking are the ones we remember.

I met someone years ago once, who had an enormous nose and was really beautiful, I couldn't stop looking at her. I remember her to this day.

I'm a porky weeble, OP, and I would be feeling jealous of your runner's physique if I'd been there.

Op please please don't be so hard on yourself. Would you judge a friend so harshly? The very same thing happened to me. Please just park the video on a Cloud somewhere and revisit it in ten years time. I will eat my very old and dirty gardening hat if you don't think you look considerably better than you thought you did, you may even think you look rather nice!

This is a really emotive issue but I have to say this. My mum hates herself in photos, can find hundreds of flaws no one else sees. So I have hardly any pics of me and her, because she took the pictures to stay out of them. It looks like she was hardly there when she was central to every day. Came to a head when I had my first and she was trying to squirm of photos when he was minutes old. She was literally there when he was born and there was going to be no photo for when he was old and remembering his family. Anyway I can change her but theres many many ugly pics of me with my kids. I look flabby, pasty and generally rough but I was there.

Re trich, it's not nice. I found NAC supplements helped - I had to experiment with the dose and found that 5 x 600mg capsules a day - 2 at bedtime, 3 in the morning - were what I needed to dial the urges down from 11/10 to 2/10.
120 caps are about a tenner so worth a punt - you should find out if it helps at all by the end of one tub.

@Unsuremover

This is a really emotive issue but I have to say this. My mum hates herself in photos, can find hundreds of flaws no one else sees. So I have hardly any pics of me and her, because she took the pictures to stay out of them. It looks like she was hardly there when she was central to every day. Came to a head when I had my first and she was trying to squirm of photos when he was minutes old. She was literally there when he was born and there was going to be no photo for when he was old and remembering his family. Anyway I can change her but theres many many ugly pics of me with my kids. I look flabby, pasty and generally rough but I was there.

This makes me feel a bit better because even though I think I look really quite bad in a lot of photos with my son, I am actually there having fun with him and giving him love and attention.