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Original poster

Cringed today about how ugly I am

199 replies

again2020 · 09/05/2021 20:47

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania Sad), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

OP posts:
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9
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 09/05/2021 21:30

If you are a nice person which l am sure you are, that is what people will see x

babbaloushka · 09/05/2021 21:31

I have a big nose too OP! Think Alan Rickman, but on a 5"3 nearly middle-aged woman. Not attractive. However, people don't notice it nearly as much as I think they do. I am almost obsessive about noses and subconsciously assess the nose of everyone I meet, all stemming from my own insecurities.

There's a subreddit called r/noses where people share their insecurities about their noses and it helped me a LOT.

SwordPlay · 09/05/2021 21:32

@again2020 Are you my long lost sister..? I have: Roman nose (and also knocked to one side long time ago by a basketball), thin hair, crooked teeth, large forehead and very, very pale skin.. Without makeup I feel so ugly but once I put some "warpaint" on, I feel I look decent, AT CERTAIN ANGLES.. Like you, I have found that my features don't put men off (quite the opposite) and I think that perhaps I'm just doing it to myself.. Overly judging I mean.

Remember as well, how heavily we're all influenced by beauty industry (they make money out of us feeling ugly!) and social media. These are crazy times we live in, so incredibly easy to compare ourselves to others.

I hope you feel better and I agree with other posters that you sound like a lovely person. This is how you're going to be remembered after all. What kind of a person you were and how you made others feel, NOT how you looked like. XX

Mulletsaremisunderstood · 09/05/2021 21:36

Oh OP, please be kind to yourself. I'm sure you look lovely in the flesh.

I also don't like photos of me, even though rationally I know that I'm conventionally attractive (I know I know, never supposed to admit that). It's incredibly common to hate photo's/ videos/ recordings of your own voice. It's because it doesn't match what we have in our heads.

Somehow a video always seems to catch the worst angle/ bad lighting/ bad posture / bloated tummy etc etc.

Just delete it and move on with your day Flowers

mooonstone · 09/05/2021 21:36

I have a basic straight/upturned nose and it looks meh from the front. My friend who has a Roman nose looks amazing from the front as her nose has so much structure and looks very defined and slim. You never know who’s looking at your nose and feeling jealous OP🤷🏼‍♀️

JeanGabin · 09/05/2021 21:38

Just on the off chance, but there's some treatment for trichitillomania available via a research project around Southampton - in case you're in the area
Plus, I hate pictures of me but was looking at photos earlier today. The photos I remembered of me being 'fat' I was really not at all (I am now), it made me sad to think how wrong I was. I might have tried harder to stay as I was if I'd realised how good I looked

Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 21:40

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector @nutellaEllaElla.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

Cringed today about how ugly I am
OP posts:
h4ppy · 09/05/2021 21:42

Aww OP you honestly look lovely from what I can see! Don't be so hard on yourself Daffodil

NewMum0305 · 09/05/2021 21:42

To me, you look very striking! You have definitely talked yourself way down

tentosix · 09/05/2021 21:43

Teeth straightening is not too bad as you can spread the cost. Smile direct are so good and much better value. I have a super straight smile now

mooonstone · 09/05/2021 21:43

You have a normal nose!

Whatever you do, don’t go down the dermal filler route. It might look okay from the side, but I think it looks weird from the front because they have to widen your nose to get the side profile to look different. My friend ended up having her nose filler dissolved and just embraces her natural nose which is similar to yours

NutellaEllaElla · 09/05/2021 21:43

I've seen bigger, it isn't unusual really. I'd say you take a nicer dicer profile shot than me.

LunaNorth · 09/05/2021 21:43

OP, you’re really beautiful.

Seriously.

ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 09/05/2021 21:43

Oh gosh, you look beautiful! I HONESTLY wouldn’t notice your nose. I’d be too busy admiring your amazing eyes and eyelashes!

autumnalrain · 09/05/2021 21:44

Your nose is big but it’s gives you character! I think you’re beautiful.

SwordPlay · 09/05/2021 21:45

This is a good photo! You look lovely :-)

honeybuns007 · 09/05/2021 21:45

OP, I was imagining some truly unfortunate looking person. You look very normal. It is hard to tell completely from the small piece of photo but you look like an above average looking woman!

barbrahunter · 09/05/2021 21:45

OP I think you look nice! And your eyes are beautiful, look at those lashes!

YellowPenPinkPen · 09/05/2021 21:48

Look at before and after pictures of Leona Lewis.

Pre-nose job... Absolutely stunning.

Post-nose job... Leona who? She has lost all identifying features from her face IMO.

Embrace your uniqueness OP, own it!

toocold54 · 09/05/2021 21:49

Do you have a front face pic?
From the side pic you look absolutely stunning!

mooonstone · 09/05/2021 21:49

I know I keep mentioning this friend of mine, but you actually look shockingly similar to her. She has thousands of followers on insta and is a mini-influencer; you’re her double. So presumably you can’t look as bad as you think, as others with the same features/colouring as you have made a career out of their same looks!

Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 21:49

Aww @SwordPlay thank you, I think you are my long lost sister. And certain angles ..I totally know how you mean! It makes such a difference. Thank you again for the compliment Smile x
And @h4ppy and @NewMum0305, too kind x

I try to be a good person, I have many friends and try to be 'quirky' as I know convention doesn't work for me in a sense. People user to comment on my looks...I remember an old drink woman shouted 'concord' at me on a bus when I was a student and some lovely youth shouted 'nose job' at me in the Trafford Centre! (Fear of outing now but oh well). As a result I've always believed insulting another's physical appearance is the lowest of the low and beauty comes from the inside.
I think it's hard as you age aswell. I'm 36 and starting to get fine lines and stuff which is half the battle.

Again thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it Flowers

OP posts:
OldKingCole · 09/05/2021 21:50

Seriously it’s in your head! You look beautiful from what I can see in that photo.

Original poster
again2020 · 09/05/2021 21:53

Wow @mooonstone would you mind sharing her Instagram? Can pm if you prefer.

Thank you everyone. I'm actually crying now. Genuinely 😭 I wasn't fishing for compliments, I haven't seen another woman in passing with a similar nose. I do know ladies who say they have big noses, but they are not similar to mine. Hand on heart, I do appreciate it Flowers

(Thank you for eye compliments, currently using kvd mascara, I love it!)

OP posts:
PrincessTuna · 09/05/2021 21:55

I used to feel like this about photos. I felt very down that it didnt matter how much I spent on clothes and my hair, I always seemed ugly.

It was years of low self esteem and listening to every critical voice while ignoring any compliments.

As I've got older I care far less. I dont need to be the best looking person in the room. Cos so fucking what, doesnt make me less worthwhile.

I think it was just a case of getting older and learning to accept and love myself.

Imagine someone talking to your daughter the way you talk to yourself. You wouldnt tolerate it. So don't talk about yourself that way. X