Cringed today about how ugly I am

[again2020]

Horribly self indulgent post, I apologise in advance but here we are.

It was BILs birthday today and we went round to their house. My DD (3.5) and BILs daughter (1) were playing together and hugging. It was absolutely gorgeous and BIL took a video. I felt slightly uneasy as I'm not photogenic but I told myself it wasn't about me, but the children.

We went home and a couple of hour later he put the video and photos on family WhatsApp group. I knew it wouldn't be flattering of me, but I'm astounded how awful I look. I totally ruined all the beautiful photos of the girls!
Let me explain. I have a huge roman nose. I've seen people on here post pictures of their nose saying they are huge which are nothing compared to mine. My hair is thin and greasy (I have a large forehead and mild trichotillomania ), my teeth stick out and I look white.
Taking these issues in turn: I've considered having a nose job in the past but I never had the money and surprisingly it never put men of as I expected it would. Now I have a DD I don't think it's the kind of thing I should be spending money on and I don't want to give her the impression that you need to change yourself by having surgery (not meaning to offend people who have).
The hair...I am trying to control my trichotillomania, but it's not easy. I've had it mildly for the best part of 25 years and don't know what to do about it.
The skin. My dark circles are genetic. I'm naturally pale...I'm the dark haired gothic looking type. And the teeth, well I never thought they were that terrible until today. Maybe it was just a hugely unflattering angle. But I feel so
down about it.
I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. I am a runner so not overweight and eat healthily, I spend plenty of money on make up and clothes but seriously wondering what the point is as I can't really change what I look like.

Not sure what I'm asking really but if anyone has suggestions or knows where I'm coming from do let me know. Really tainted the day for me.

@again2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I'll have to look up the colour corrector *@nutellaEllaElla*.

And thank you for the advice about the access to therapies.

For context, here is a nose pic. Bet you've never seen one as big as that eh 😬😂 it's actually ridiculous 🙈😂 Badly positioned light switch too 😂

I have, on my Slovakian friend who had also had it broken once in an accident. She was honestly the most attractive person I have ever met (and to be honest she knew it) and tended to have boys flocking around her at all times (people would randomly buy her champagne in clubs). Anywho, I have no idea what you look like overall (although you have lovely big eyes and long eyelashes) and that doesnt matter. I think it is more important that you have focused your negative feelings about yourself on your nose and think that big noses=ugly because you have a big nose. They really really are not.

@Toilenstripes

There’s a wonderful line from Salman Rushdie’s ‘Midnight’s Children’....

“That’s a nose to build a dynasty on”

The line speaks to its beauty and power, it’s uniqueness. You are stunning OP.

This is why I mumsnet.

So you have a big conk, so what? At least you have beautiful big brown eyes.

I have a big nose and my eyes are tiny too :(

But everyone had features they dont like.

I think the key is dressing good and taking good care of yourself.

There are lots of ppl with imperfect features that I've looked at over the years and thought 'wow, that woman has presense'. Maybe because they have other features that are striking beautiful. Maybe because they have awesome style. Maybe just because they radiate confidence.

At least you arent a generic plastic person.

Our imperfectnesses make us individual and unique.

@TedDansononmyown

I am genuinely the ugliest person I know. No exaggeration. I think I look OK in the mirror (never great, but servicable) then I see candid photos and am horrified. Pale with heriditory dark circles made worse by medication,(and super thick prescription that makes them really obvious). Jaw that really needs realigned as I can't bite together or get a natural normal smile. I had braces but honestly the only fix is full surgery. I got veneers on NHS for front five teeth as medication taken by my mum when she was pregnant made them black (she couldn't have known-it was 80s) Huge lower half. Clothes never look good and I am extremely limited in what I can wear Lanky, think hair that looks like a helmet.

I loathe the way I look but it is what it is. I always take the pictures and just shrug off the photos I have no control over.

I spend a lot of time and money on the under eye circles as I was sick of being asked if I was ill.
After many years and literally thousands of pounds, I found a routine that works :

1. every morning prior to shower, kheils under eye treatment topped off with cereban moisturiser. It is amazing
2. after shower, dab of cereban again. Let set 3)bobby brown corrector in light bisque under eyes
3. Laura mercer flawless concealer under eye 5)foundation witn a sponge, not a brusg
4. let set
5. finish off with small amount of LM concealer
6. repeat the serum and moisturuser before bed

I've also in the past had tear trough filler which was great but I can't afford it each year. Saving up again.

As for the teeth, there's nothing I can do so I just don't look at photos.

This is a long way of saying I totally get it. There is nothing wrong with your nose but that doesn't stop you feeling rubbish about it. It's shit but small changes can build confidence. Not saying you'll want to look at photos but I Know that I've done the best I can with what I have and there's no point obsessing over something I can't change.

@TedDansononmyown can I just ask why you put cereban moisturiser on before the shower then again after coming out of the shower? What's the purpose of it before the shower? I've not heard of it before so just interested!

I think you are beautiful. very striking look, your eyes are lovely.

Op, you look great! Have you received any treatment for trichotillomania?

Also, would it help boost your confidence if you revamped your look slightly? Like a new haircut etc. I had a quick google of Anjelica Houston and I thought she reminded me of Morticia. I always thought Morticia Addams was very stunning. Here’s a picture of Anjelica Houston with short hair, from a blog I found via google, and I think she looks fab in short or long hair.

As for teeth, we don’t need to have perfectly straight teeth to have beautiful smiles. I remember there used to be a trend where models would have tooth gaps. But if you really want to straighten your teeth, speak to an orthodontist who could put you on a payment plan.

Afternoon all. Just logged in for the first time today after last night. Wow, I did not expect this thread to gain so much traffic! Thank you so much to everyone for commenting and leaving me some things to think about. And to those who complimented me, thank you so much, I truly cannot believe it!
Sorry I can't reply to everyone but here's a few.

@GreenVaseline I will remember this forever, many thanks x
@TedDansononmyown Sorry to hear you don't feel good about yourself. It's a bloody bugger isn't it. Hair is a bugbear for me, I can't seem to do much to make it look fuller.
It sounds like you take good care of yourself, we need to make peace with how we look as I've realised. Thank you for the make up tips
@Horehound Your hair looks lovely! But that is exactly how mine looks from behind...i pick the crown...probably the worst place to pick. The angles make such a difference. I'm trying a rubber band don my wrist to ping whenever I feel the urge to pull, hoping this may help me.
@Twinkie01
Quirky is good, and what I aim for. Growing up everyone liked blond and blue eyed women with small features (or so it seemed!) and I felt like a freak with big teeth and lips! But I suppose I'm 'memorable looking' if nothing else, so I'll take it.

I'll look into fillers...I never thought that was an option for me as never understood what they involve, but maybe it could help.

Thank you once again and hope everyone has a good week

@Toilenstripes I love that...brilliant quote! Thank you!

If it makes you feel better OP, this thread inspired me to grab a mirror to have a look at my own nose (which I normally don't give a second thought) and discovered a big spot at the end of it!

I also suffer from intermittant porkiness (low to moderate currently compared with horrific historical trends) which I am in the process of dealing with. My hair is also so fine and ginger you can see my scalp on sunny days. However the colour of it is beautiful and my weight can be fixed so we take the rough with the smooth.

Agree your nose makes you look interesting and your eyes are gorgeous. Having plastic surgery homogenises faces and makes them forgettable. I would consider looking at the teeth though as rhet make such a difference. Mine are straight but discoloured and I am considering whether whitening would make the pale spots less noticable.

You're not just memorable looking, I think you're very attractive. Most of us aren't classically beautiful or pretty but there's something about each and everyone of us that appeals to someone. Please don't give yourself such a hard time. Be that different, confident woman where their inner beauty shines through highlighting their attractiveness.

I hope this the link

OP st 3.41 mins is the before and after photo

That woman is how I imagine the OP to look @Divineswirls! Lovely :)

What the hell op? I've just seen that picture of your nose which obviously includes your face. You are honestly gorgeous. I love big noses on men and women! Your beautiful big eyes also are amazing.

@Horehound

That woman is how I imagine the OP to look *@Divineswirls*! Lovely :)

I know they're both so beautiful

@Horehound

My mum sent me this photo where I do actually look ok. And then this was the horrific photo my husband took yesterday. Can you see why I'm feel crap? I look like a demented crazy person with saggy breasts. I thought that top was nice ..it's horrendous. Obviously need a new BF bra too! I'll get MN to take these pics down in a bit but it just shows how different someone can look.

You look lovely in both. Gorgeous hair, I'm very jealous.

As someone who did get a nose job, and found it immensely difficult to deal with (the new nose is fine, I just unexpectedly found myself mourning my old nose). I found I had a whole fresh appreciation for natural noses! Big noses/wide noses/pointy noses/squishy noses are gorgeous because they're YOU - that's your face. Everyone should embrace their nose.

Teeth however are another story, if you have the money I would always always fix your teeth (I haven't seen any photos of your teeth so this isn't personal, just a general observation). Fixing teeth can make you the best version of "you" and are an enormous boost to how you look and feel. Lots of great solutions like invisalign are available today.

Whitening teeth is another thing that I would say is in the top 3 things a person can do for an immediate appearance boost on a small budget! :)

I agree with spending money on one's teeth.

I take your big nose and raise you sticky out ears! My brothers called me FA cup, I got called Dumbo at school. And while no one either makes comment or notices now, those horrific school years took their toll. I never wear my hair up, I cover my ears with my hair all the time and have to adjust the angle of my face for photos.

The secret to being beautiful in photos is feeling happy and relaxed inside yourself whether you have a huge nose or not.

@babbaloushka thank you lovely. I was miserable last night, really hated myself. Today I made some effort and feel a bit better.

[quote Horehound]@babbaloushka thank you lovely. I was miserable last night, really hated myself. Today I made some effort and feel a bit better.[/quote]
I often get the same way, getting older is difficult when we are so entrenched in the belief that our value is intrinsically linked to our appearance. The most precious part of the picture you hated is you spending time with DC. Being their mum and playing games with them in their car. Those memories are worth so much more than how you looked, and that bond transcends appearance in every sense. Your DC isn't going to look back and think "God mum looks awful there", they're going to see a snapshot of a wonderful moment between the two of you.

Some people really are just not that photogenic OP (I haven't looked at any photos on this thread, so if there are pics of you looking beauteous I apologise. I haven't seen what you look like.)

I know I look quite pretty, at a certain angle, in a mirror. But doing any kind of zoom call I look horrendous. So bad I want to cry. Other people have noticed it too and made comments along the lines of you look really nice in real life but terrible on camera. Not sure if that's a compliment or not really.

Anyway, so the point I'm trying to make is that that isn't you. That awkward self conscious person filmed at a bad angle is not how you look to other people! You say you have never had any difficulty attracting male attention, so for sure you are not a minger. Some of us just don't do so well on camera x

Just coming on to send suppprt to @again2020 and @Horehound because I have trich too and it's so shit.

Op you have amazing features. Beauty is really complex and the women the world adores are quite quirky looking anyway. Can you imagine if barba Streisand got a complex and had a nose job? Julia roberts is quite wonky looking too.

I think current media makes us feel like we should all look identical and like clones. Fuck that.

I really empathise though because I can be really relaxed at home not made an effort with make ip or hair or clothes and feel totally fine then dp insists on a bloody picture and it will really upset me.