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Messages from step child

669 replies

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 29/06/2025 22:53

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

OP posts:
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5
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/06/2025 00:07

Amybelle88 · 29/06/2025 23:26

Hang on, you had to film proof because he would accuse you of messaging someone. You are worried about leaving because he will lie and say you left because he has kids.

You have a boyfriend problem that you need to address before the pain in the arse stepdaughter.

this.

Also. He told you to reply civilly to her rude message? - that sounds like he wanted you to apologise.
The whole situation sounds messy.

You are tip toeing around your partner.. and he only listens to his DD who doesn't like you.
Why are you dragging your children through this. You have your own home. You could be free of all this.

SandyY2K · 30/06/2025 00:07

so if he has gone back and said to her Sophie said it’s you or her. As he is good at doing that and making out like he doesn’t stir the pot between us as it’s happened before

Again...he's someone who can't twist your words deliberately and make you the bad guy. His is that acceptable?

I feel genuinely sorry that you can see the things he does are not okay, but because you believe he's all you've got, you stay with him.

Kids are noisy when they have a sleepover. That's a given.
You should have taken your kids and gone home... but asides from that... your relationship has other issues.

DrowningInSyrup · 30/06/2025 00:08

supersonicginandtonic · 29/06/2025 23:46

Am I the only one who thinks that she had a sleepover, they are always noisy. She's a teenager, it's a weekend and she had friends round. Snacks in the night are a part of the that.
Why didn't you ask her to keep the noise down or if you didn't want to ask her dad too?
She's a child, you are an adult. I agree with her that filming then is weird. I wouldn't film my own children without telling them.

Nope I agree, she's just a kid and I highly doubt OP treats her exactly the same as she treats her own children.

sandyhappypeople · 30/06/2025 00:09

You all sound so toxic.

She is being an obnoxious teenager with zero boundaries from her dad, you would prefer it if she wasn't there at all and take every opportunity to tattle on her to her dad when she does something you consider 'wrong'.

You are a weekend GUEST in their house, if your DP isn't bothered about her behaviour than there is nothing you can do apart from stop staying there, no one is making you.

He is paying her to keep her at his house.. and threatens to cut her money off if she leaves, he accuses you of messaging other people if you aren't in the same room together, and makes you supply proof when you grass her up (that hasn;t come out of nowhere), you punish your own children for making a noise around the house in the mornings when she is asleep.

You are all so very, very toxic.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:10

@Unexpectedlysinglemumafter our failed holiday to Butlins with his kids due to their attitudes and not being Grateful
and the attitude of ‘we have never had a holiday so we get to decide everyrbinf’ I have said we holiday separately. Which now means they don’t holiday as I paid last time. But now they complain my kids get holidays and they don’t. I have said to him he is welcome to come as we had a great time in Greece on our one and only holiday abroad together but unless he can sort the girls attitudes we can’t holiday together and ruin it for my kids. This year it’s my kids only holiday as I am taking them Florida next year and they ruined it. His youngest daughter isn’t a issue, it’s the eldest

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 30/06/2025 00:10

YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME WITH THIS MAN.

Much as his daughter is a problem - he is THE problem. He facilitates her brat behaviour. I mean , for the love of God - * *"your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason." There's a lot to unpick there.

  1. he 'needs' proof
  2. he would accuse you of - what?
So he doesn't trust you to tell him the truth, and he presumably doesn't trust you to be faithful to him.

"He keeps saying if I leave though he will tell everyone it’s because he has kids. When that’s not the reason"
Again a lot to unpick here.

  1. He's pretty sure you're going to leave him (as you should)
  2. He presumably thinks others would think badly of you if he told them this
  3. He's willing to coerce you into staying with him, by holding this threat over your head.

Can you really not see how utterly fucked up he is? And how fucked up your relationship is?

Dump, dump, dump. His daughter doesn't 'win' by you leaving them to wallow in their own swamp - you win by getting out of this fucked-up relationship.

And consider therapy. You either needed it before you hooked up with him, to be so masochistic as to hook up with him; or you need it since you hooked up with him, because of being hooked up to him for 5 years.

Whatado · 30/06/2025 00:13

DrowningInSyrup · 30/06/2025 00:08

Nope I agree, she's just a kid and I highly doubt OP treats her exactly the same as she treats her own children.

Considering her posts about her its highly unlikely.

The OP is in one of those weird SM/SD situation were the adult literally enters into competing with the SC for his time and attention because its a toxic unhealthy relationship.

The OP has zero security in the relationship and her self esteem is on the floor.

Honestly get off step parenting boards and start listening to podcasts/read books on healthy attachment. Relationships, with yourself and other people

The less you think of your self the less you demand from others.

And the more likely you are to be toxic and pass it on in a cycle in family and relationship situations.

SheridansPortSalut · 30/06/2025 00:14
  1. You're an adult. Don't engage with texts like that.
  2. Someone needs to teach her the difference between to, two and too.
  3. "then she wins" - it's not a competition. "And she carries on getting what she wants" - not your problem.
  4. This relationship has no future.
SandyY2K · 30/06/2025 00:14

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 29/06/2025 23:55

@supersonicginandtonicshw is also like it without her friends staying, she will be on FaceTime until 3aM screaming. I am not allowed to tell her what to do apparently. And she won’t listen either. He was passed out to the world shattered.

You're just her dad's girlfriend. Why would she want you to tell her what to do? You're in her house and from her POV.. you're causing problems for her.

Dad allows her to behave and speak anyhow.

He puts you in the firing line.

He's jealous

He doesn't trust you

He's a coward

He sets you and her up against each other.

I'm perplexed that you feel this is best you can do.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:16

@SandyY2K I’m just feeling sad, it was never like this before she moved in. He feels he can tell my kids what to do and says I am her step parent i need to act like one but then
says don’t tell her off.

OP posts:
CinnamonBuns67 · 30/06/2025 00:16

Honestly love I'd move back into your own house for your and your kids sake. I'd not tolerate anybody treating me the way you stepchild and your partner does. Her behaviour is unacceptable and he sounds very controlling.

FrodoBiggins · 30/06/2025 00:17

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InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 30/06/2025 00:18

OP you really need to remove yourself from this situation. Stay at home and parent your two children. Let your partner stay at his home without you, and parent his daughter.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:18

@DrowningInSyrup@Whatadoi do treat them the same. Christmas for example I bought them the weekend away to Butlins same as my kids. I bought them both a main present like my kids. So the eldest daughter wanted GHds her parents wouldn’t so I did. And the youngest got her AirPods she wanted.i go to the shop for snacks for my kids the weekend and always get them stuff, the eldest rings me for lifts I am there. Just because of my feeling towards things I don’t punish the kids

OP posts:
Away2000 · 30/06/2025 00:19

The whole dynamic sounds dysfunctional. You’re not living as a family unit and so not in a step mother role so it’s probably best to leave parenting decisions to your partner. It’s never a good idea to stay in a relationship out of fear of loneliness or trying to win some ‘competition’. Maybe consider taking some time apart and focusing on yourself and finding a support network outside of this relationship.

incandescentglow · 30/06/2025 00:19

she was given permission... by her dad... to have a sleepover in her own house, and then she gets an earful from you through her dad cause you couldn't sleep and complaining your kids (not his kids?) could also not sleep... when you have an entire house of your own you can sleep in?? yeah no i cant back you here

SoInLuv · 30/06/2025 00:21

Endofyear · 29/06/2025 23:52

You were out of order videoing her and her friends - if you have to 'prove' to your boyfriend why you slept downstairs, he's a prick 🙄 if he accuses you of messaging people (other men I presume) I'd dump him anyway for this.

It sounds like the problem here is your boyfriend not parenting his daughter. Just don't stay at his and let him get on with it.

Op has said many times that she wasnt videoing any faces/any children only the ceiling- the noises.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:21

@incandescentglowmy kids were already alseep at his before she turned up and demanded the friend stayed so didn’t want to wake my kids up to takw Then home.

In also didn’t ask him to tell her off, o just explained why I slept on the sofa and he proceeded to say he would tell her off as it wasn’t acceptable because it also affected his other daughter. I wasn’t going to lie as to why I slept on the sofa.

OP posts:
OneFineDay13 · 30/06/2025 00:23

Troubleclef · 29/06/2025 23:09

Relationship sounds hard work. Who cares what he tells people if you split up.

I know right

SheridansPortSalut · 30/06/2025 00:24

Are you actually her step parent?
You don't live with her father. I'm assuming you're not married to him. What is the nature of your relationship?

OneFineDay13 · 30/06/2025 00:25

Why are you even there. Leave the bratty child and crap boyfriend go home to your own house and keep your own kids out of this mess

Whatado · 30/06/2025 00:25

This reply has been deleted

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Really? So in this day and age you think its sensible to record minor kids in a house you dont live in or have zero relationship to either of the kids in a HC situation with a teen of the rails?

Yeah no, its a another sign she hasn't got one iota sense rolling around her head.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:26

@SheridansPortSalutdont live together and haven’t in our 5 years, been too scarred from previous relationships. Plus financially better off seperate x I spend every weekend with the kids, and we use to spend the weekdays at mine. He put the title step parents put there not me

OP posts:
AnxietySloth · 30/06/2025 00:26

Just let her dad parent her. If it's noisy when she's there, go to your own house. Don't stay at her house and complain about her. The 'we are meant to be a family' thing - no, you're not her family. You're her dad's girlfriend - she neither invited you into her life nor is obligated to consider you. Just stay at home, date your boyfriend outside the house and leave the kids out of it.

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 30/06/2025 00:27

@AnxietySloth te family line is his. He always says it so I reiterate it too xx

OP posts: