Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

Hang on, you had to film proof because he would accuse you of messaging someone. You are worried about leaving because he will lie and say you left because he has kids.

You have a boyfriend problem that you need to address before the pain in the arse stepdaughter.

Who cares if she wins.

it’s been 5 years. She doesn’t like you. She isn’t required to like you or your children. Stop trying to blend.

It's true. You really are wasting your time. It is not going to get any better, only worse the older and more vicious she gets. Her dad is doing nothing about it so shows he has no respect for you.

You are also showing your boys how they should treat their partners in the future by allowing this to continue.

I would run a mile .

"He keeps saying if I leave though he will tell everyone it’s because he has kids."

Sounds like coercive control to me. You'd be better off without him, @Stepchildrenarehardwork .

Did you tell him he has to choose between you or his daughter?

she mentions this in her text?

Shes speaking to you like absolute shit. I am quite shocked.
Im also shocked that your partner asks for proof rather than take what you say at face value. It just seems weird. Surely you can choose to sleep on the sofa if you felt like it anyway. Why do you need an excuse and a time stamped video? Bonkers.
What a thoroughly unpleasant family they are.
Does his daughter usually speak to you like that?
I can't see the point of it all. What do you get out of it?

@Loadsapandasnot at all. I said to him she is putting into a position that because she doesn’t like to be told off or be told what to do that she is pushing him ultimately to choose her over me, and that’s fine she’s his kid and that is what he will have to do. That she is the one putting him in this position no one else

Why are you doing this to your sons ?

Stay in your own home ! with your children.

Can’t see that it’s worth it. Throw this one back and find a man with a backbone who is more trusting of you and doesn’t demand ‘proof’!

@Branleusemost od the time she will speak ok however if she is oisssed off or doesn’t agree she will speak to me or anyone like this including her own mother.
well I got a really good life out of it before she moved in and turned into this way as she wasn’t like to before at her mums when she had boundaries

‘or whatever’?

It doesn't seem like you're married to her dad, or living with him full time, so I'd say you ought to leave all difficult conversations or discipline to him. You shouldn't be filming her either, that's a violation in her home.

She does sound a nightmare but I think unfortunately if you don't like her behaviour, don't stay at his. Also sounds like she needs to go back to school and learn what punctuation is 🙄

because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around.

I was referring to this part of her message, where she seems to say you’ve told him it’s you or DD?

Either way is he worth all this drama? Your boys are missing out on the best of you while you are pondering the latest incident.

it all sounds too much like hard work.

If my child of whatever age, spoke to anyone that meant something to us like that, I would go insane, and remove every digital item they have until they could consistently prove they can use kind words to put their point across!

" Reply something civil" indeed! What a lazy lazy parent.

That is your home!! Do have a word with your DH about living arrangements. She is pushing boundaries and this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate clearly where they are. And I say that having had some terrible step parents from one parent. And one amazing one from the other. You can do it with kindness but you must put your foot down, else this is your life now.

@Cardinalita90i did leave the conversation to him, and when she sent this he told me to reply. As he doesn’t want to be the one to do it. I didn’t film her face. Just the noises coming from the kitchen.
It just doesn’t sit right with me as to why I should have to Miss out because she can’t behave and respect people

I think that it would be better if you left.
I don't think he should be having you round if his daughter hates you and he should be keeping you separate. I think you need to stand up to him instead of arguing with her.
I think he is encouraging the drama. You could do a lot better

@Loadsapandasno this is what I was saying I never worded it like that.

I said to him she is putting into a position that because she doesn’t like to be told off or be told what to do that she is pushing him ultimately to choose her over me, and that’s fine she’s his kid and that is what he will have to do. That she is the one putting him in this position no one else.

so if he has gone back and said to her Sophie said it’s you or her. As he is good at doing that and making out like he doesn’t stir the pot between us as it’s happened before

Noisy sleepovers seem pretty normal teenage behaviour tbh. They can really be a pain in the butt at that age. But it doesn’t last forever. I’d actually try not to let this go to far and damage your overall relationship with SD further.
Getting involved in text arguments is pretty immature. You don’t need to go explaining yourself like this to her. Just have a chat.

What are you missing out on? He doesn’t trust you, sounds like you are bankrolling him, he’s neglecting his DD and allowing her to treat you like shit.

What’s your story OP, your childhood where is your family? What happened that means you want to stay with a man like this?

You had a really good life until his daughter came to live with him part time? I get where she is coming from.

@MeganM3fron 10pm until 6.30am screaming, banging, crashing when there is other kids on the house I just think is unacceptable: my kids have sleepovers and no bed is bed.

problem is I can’t back down from how I now feel. Right now I am so angry. Guarantee tomorrow she will message again demanding help with her j fed parcels

If he's the type to accuse you off messaging someone else and has no trust, why are with him? It's not a healthy relationship.

SD is rude, but she not the only problem here.

If he wants to tell people you left him because he has kids, that's his problem. I'm not sure why that matters once your relationship is over.

Am I the only one who thinks that she had a sleepover, they are always noisy. She's a teenager, it's a weekend and she had friends round. Snacks in the night are a part of the that.
Why didn't you ask her to keep the noise down or if you didn't want to ask her dad too?
She's a child, you are an adult. I agree with her that filming then is weird. I wouldn't film my own children without telling them.

@Stepchildrenarehardwork it won't change. Leave him. And so what if he tells everyone you left because he has kids? It doesn’t matter. You can say in response you left because he didn’t parent, or you can just ignore it all. Let them get on with it.