Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

Why couldn't he help if he was getting carers allowance? The expectation of carers allowance is that the carer provides at least 35 hours care a week.....

@Thebelleofstmarysi have been looking into them and been doing some research but yes the cost is off putting. We do sometimes do swimming but I can’t always guarantee I can go in the water so not something I want to promise and not ful fill. We have booked a room with a bath as I made sure of this before it was booked.

I am not saying it’ll be the most enjoyable holiday it’ll be hard work, we will get the disabled fast passes for the queuing, my sister will also be able to queue with the kids and do things if I need rest days. I have hired a mobility scooter to reduce my walking as much as possible. I am doing it for my kids and will push through but i also know we will return and I’ll have a almighty flare up

@Justmadeoneuphe was, until his daughter moved in and then he wasn’t able to because of time Constraints with having to be straight home after work for the SD etc. this is why I have now told UC he I cannot be my registered carer

@SleeplessInWhereveri would love to work more and I am hoping building my beauty bits I can, unfortunately as a single parent (even when with my partner it’s me and the kids that live in like and with his work etc I had to do all the parenting and he said it’s not his responsibility) I have to prioritised my kids first over killing myself working and being a single parent x

I understand all too well the challenges of being a single parent to a ND child, my partner was for a long time. Crawling out of the bedroom once he was asleep, or trying not to cry from the pain when dealing with a meltdown, or just trying to give the kid a bath.

I get it, genuinely.

But I do have to say that I’d be in almighty shock if he’d struggled with those things and then managed a trip to Florida. We all deserve a holiday, but baring both of their needs in mind that would be absolutely out of the question. We’ve managed Wales. Once. And he was written off after that.

@SleeplessInWherevertbus is entirely why my sister is coming and im paying towards her ticket. So that I can have rest days whilst she has the kids,I don’t plan to be doing all the big rides. I am learning my limitations. And unfortunately it sucks and I know I cannot do everything j want to, but I have to for my kids as their dad never takes them abroad or away. We have paid for extra leg room on the plane. My sister will drive to the airport the night before so it’s calm, wheelchair through the airport and that is fast tracked due to disability. I would not be doing it without her, I can focus on using the mobility scooter and keeping cool, I have already spoken to my doctor about increasing pain medication and sleeping tablets for when we are there he’s been helpful

Your stepchild is an illiterate brat and your partner is pathetic for allowing this behaviour and asking for proof, wtaf

Did you read the post? The poster said she is disabled.

Can you quote the legal guidance which states PIP can only be used to pay x, y and z?

That's not for me to decide. It's also not how life works.

Then it's even more appalling

Not at all. I listed working, parenting, or otherwise contributing to society. It wasn’t primarily about making money or not and it wasn’t directly about disability, it was about the toxic situation she seems to be creating in her life, which is obviously using a lot of energy (which must be limited, given the ME) that could be better spent.

I’d said earlier that it sucks to see someone getting much more in benefits than I get for working, but I accept that there are situations where that’s necessary. It’s annoying that her comeback was initially about the cost of rent and council tax, which obviously working people also pay. She seems unaware of how fortunate she is to receive this support. That’s frustrating, but it’s not really the point of the comment your objecting by to.

The first parts of the thread showed a context of chaos and drama and blaming others and very inappropriate ways of communicating with her step daughter, it gives a strong overall impression of having directed her efforts poorly. Given what she has said about her own life I suspect she would be capable of making better contributions in one way or another — eg by parenting / step parenting in a more positive way — if she reallocated some of that effort.

She’s also talked a lot about trips away, including some quite substantial ones. Quite apart from the cost of going on many holidays it also takes lots of energy to go on holiday multiple times a year. Planning and travelling and getting to know a new place etc take it out of me and I’m broadly healthy / abled. She has enough energy for all that, why not use some of it to work more hours or retrain? It’s not that I think disabled means you never should have nice things or whatever, but the lifestyle she’s describing is a lot of ‘extras’. Way more than most people have. it’s clear from what info is given here that OPs choices are selfish and are negatively affecting her own life and those around her. Disabled doesn’t need mean totally incapable, and from what she has said about her own specific situation, yes I think she can and should do more that’s productive and, importantly, less drama stirring.

Later in the thread she made clear that she is also committing benefit fraud. Given all of that context, I think it’s fair to say that she’s taking the piss and that it’s very likely she could do more to support herself, her family, and her community if she wanted to.

I haven't mentioned legal guidance re ADP . Just the understanding I was receiving it in order to cover extra expenses incurred by becoming disabled . An understanding and expectation which appears to be generally shared by the government and the general public and an awful lot of people with disabilities.

@Uol2022

sorry jf your felt it was comeback i have bills, i was just explaining my bills are alot higher than they were and for the average of what other people on our local town forums pay for things. So the extra money goes towards the fact my bills are higher due to disabilities. Ny money also covers to have someone deep clean once a month, cut the grass for the kids because these are not things I can do and they help me massively and that’s what pip is for to help with things. Paying for my extra medications, trips to get to hospital appointments all the time as I cannot always drive after as has to have mris on my knee. I honestly do my best, sometimes we order more takeaways if I am having a bad week as then I know my kids are fed and I’m not relying on my eldest to do it. I am lucky to recieve what i do and I know this.

the £8000 for the car I did declare to UC as dad paid fhsf directly to me but as I was only iver the threshold for a few days they didn’t deduct. The holiday was a gift for me and the children from my dad’s inheritance that he was giving for us. I honestly thought if he bought it as it wsd his gift to us it wasn’t something rhat needed declaring as he was choosing and telling us to spend this money on thus particular thing. And on my own post I was told this was the correct way if he wanted to buy us the holiday to do it this way. Yes I have had to contribute £1400 for my sister to come but I have a payment plan in place to pay this so that my children can have this experience. Don’t feel it’s fair they miss out on things.x

weekends away we do to places we know and are fairly local. We get the train so he would take our bags and to make it easy. we always do spa type things so I find the massages help with my fibro pain and it releases some id the pain, not having to think about cooking or cleaning and all those things for me i value.

Greece last year we went to a place i had been to before all the diagnosis so i k ee what to expect, and two weeks lying in the warm sun rwallly helped ease my pain, floating in the water all day, not having to do anything or tidying etc. the kids were kept entertained for 2 weeks of the summer holidays for me that helps my fibro. And my ex was there to do the heavy lifting etc. I have had to learn to adapt these weekends and holidays. I don’t go away for the weekend and get drunk or party like I did. It’s more about dealing my body

Eŕm...yes..that is exactly how a functioning adult life actually works .

This is the most unhinged post I've seen for a long while .

Incorrect. It is to help with extra costs and/ or anything that helps you manage your life.

To you... Maybe.

No human needs to be viewed as contributing to society in order to live. Most of us are here because our parents wanted to reproduce, there's no legal expectation to contribute to financially contribute to society.

@RedRock41hes gets carers element not allowance irs different

Just claim you have Fibro and/or ME.

As much as I disagree with a lot of your actions please do not think you need to justify your disability benefits or name what you use them for.

You've been awarded it/ them and nothing else matters.

Sure because DWP would deformity award higher rate PIP just for a claim that they have made

@RedRock41carers element he can earn whatever and gets £190 a month towards his UC. So it’s not much for irs something.

my eldest child helps me alot with my son with SN, but equally I cannot give up on my child due to my health issues so I do what I can and the best I can.

my mobility issue is the walking no more than 50netres without being in considerable pain.

i never said he is always quiet, I have said at beds times and duen the night he is quiet and can be, but if he is disregukated and has meltdowns then yes he is loud. But mornings we are genuinely good as long as we follow the same routine which is what we do. Yes he could wake me up in the night but the difference is I can sit and lay in bed with him and I can drift cuddled up to him, or even if I don’t we keep calm and quiet, lights low to get back to sleep. Not been woken and kept away with screaming and shouting. It’s a huge difference. Like now he is awake in my bed, but he’s calm and quiet as the melatonin calms him.

@CJsGoldfishirs not that easy, I had to provide endless doctors reports, rhuemalogy reports, physio reports, medications, prescription, etc. and then the interview was awful