Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

Jesus.

Is there a single thing that is good about this relationship? It sounds like every tiny aspect of it sucks to me. Just bail. Being on your own has got to be better than this pile of shite.

@Thebelleofstmarys

firstlt my holiday was funded by inheritance as per my previous post, but also I looked to do this and I would have sacrificed a a road holiday this year if needed as my children are desperate for Disney.

Second point my income is
£558 pip
£558 Dla
£189 CB
£280 child maintenance
£2800 UC
£200-£300 wages from doing a office based job at home and then I am training slowly as a beautician in 3 treatments that I can sit down and do.

holoday wise I will be paying half towards my sister to come, as she will be for Florida.

my pip only wstarted last April 2024. We managed to navigate Greece last year as my partner came. This year I am not away and Florida my sister is coming as my ex partner wasn’t allowed to come due to not being able to bring his kids as I would have covered his ticket as my carer but couldn’t afford to do his kids and he feels it would be a waste of miney. I also have a scooted hire booked for Florida. I have ME and fibromyalgia. So recieve HRC and LRM.

@Thebelleofstmarysmy next door neighbours child would come and sit with my children if I picked him up from work as he is a babysitter and I paid him to do this’s

ans no he did not stay last night

Oooof I can predict the comments youre gonna get! Transparecy is nice to see though

Pl@DaringlyDizzywhqt do you mean xx

I would use my 50% off to try and manage my health better so that I have more energy and things when my kids are home and to find a job that works around it. As the lecture I get from my partner right now is ‘your on a permanent holiday because you don’t work’.
I also can’t always rely on my kids dad but i do have friends that help out with nights away etc as then I have her kids.

You wrote this three days ago.

In those three days you’ve gained a new job, but lost your friends?

@excelledyourselfbecause according to him working 8 hours a week isn’t working and I’m on a permanent holiday. Even we I was doing 20 hours a week he claimed I wasn’t actually working xx

I think PP means that you get 4.5K in benefits and are off to Florida, while others are working full time and just scraping by, hardly managing to feed their kids.
HTH

Is this actually for real? Just as they are still debating the PIP benefits bill today and offering more concessions.
8 hours a week isn't working fgs. A teenager probably does more hours than that.

Not sure you can claim pip and dla at the same time? Isn’t pip meant to be the replacement for dla?

and yeah, it’s pretty galling to see someone claim in benefits more than I was taking home from the job I needed 8 years of secondary education (and the resulting debt) to qualify for. I’m a lefty liberal at heart but god it can seem wildly unfair and stupid

@Uol2022
DLA is for my child who is ASD, speech and language issues and a few other bits.

I use to work 60-70 hour weeks it’s not like it’s always been like this.

but what people don’t also realise is my rent is £1300. My council tax because I get PIP and Child DLA is seen as an income on my council so that’s £200. Before my fuel bill is high due to not being able to always walk so sometimes that is £300 a month. My child’s food bill is £250 a month alone. Gas and electric is £350

@PixelNomad yes i may get 4.5k but not all is benefit as 200-300 is wages, £280 is maintenance from dads. £558 is DLA for my child
so goes towards his stuff. And Florida is paid for as inheritance

Also if you have inherited money that should count against your UC claim. You’re expected to use savings to live off first (if it’s more than maybe 5k I believe it should have an effect)

@Uol2022my dad recieved his inheritance from my granddad half of the house. He has chosen to gift us £15000 each towards something. So my sister was a mortgage deposit, mine was £7000 for my holiday and £8000 for my car that is needed as can’t get mobility and I couldn’t refinance a car and I need a stable car .

You’ve got plenty of money then.

Spend some urgently on some therapy to try to understand why on earth you’ve been in such a toxic, awful relationship with an alcoholic drug user despite having children you should be putting first.

It’ll do them far more good in the long term than a gift or holiday.

You’ve prioritised this relationship over your children’s wellbeing for so long you seem blind to it.

You even said you didn’t care he was the kind of person who gets drunk and high on drugs while in charge of children, as long as he didn’t do it around yours. It was jarring to read you admit that tbh.

Time to put your children first now. Get some therapy. Or you’ll be back with him by next week, if you have actually split up with him at all.

I hope all the kids involved can heal from all the trauma and confusion piled on top of them by the adults in their lives.

Anyway, whatever. You use your high expenses to justify needing that high income… but I also have to pay rent and council tax, obviously. And I also need a car (and have to drive to get to work, yknow to earn my income) and pay for fuel. Maybe if you focused more on working, parenting, or otherwise contributing to society you wouldn’t have so much time and energy for ridiculous relationship drama and getting into arguments with a teenager?

You really really shouldn’t have used that money without informing UC first. It’s enough that it should affect your claim and I don’t know if spending on holiday would be viewed sympathetically. Regardless of whether you get away with it, it is wrong to take money for living from the public when you have other sources.

£300 a week for 8 hours admin work? Sign me up.

you must declare an inheritance when claiming Universal Credit. Any inheritance, whether it's cash, property, or other assets, is considered part of your capital and must be reported to the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP). If your total savings, including the inheritance, exceed £6,000, your Universal Credit payments may be reduced. If your savings exceed £16,000, you will no longer be eligible for Universal Credit.

@excelledyourselfits £300 a month for 8 hours a week xx

@Uol2022ly dad paid it straight off my holiday and sent me the rest to pay the car, I have informed them of the &8000 for the car and as they saw the need they didn’t query it xxx

Totally off piste but why am I slogging my guts out doing a full-time job with similar exhausting disabilities to bring home less than you do? I've removed your child benefit , maintenance and child's DLA by the way, before I compared notes.
I had no idea that universal credit paid so much. £2800? That's about £20 per hour assuming 4 weeks and a 35 hour week. It's not minimum wage is it?!
Back on piste, please for the love of all that is holy, don't let him back into your good books. Get yourself some positive self esteem and confidence, do the freedom programme so you can spot these people a mile away, and don't settle for the sake of being in a relationship. You deserve better than that.

Ah, apologies.

Nicely done getting your dad to pay the holiday direct and keeping the inheritance out of your account. But then you clearly know what you are doing. I very much doubt you are the victim in all this drama with your SD.