Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

She knows it is, that's why she's saying it. She wants these reactions.

@Weetabix11 pointed out how she wishes to show messages to her partner. My guess is she wants everyone to tell her how awful he is so she can show him and he can then "appreciate how lucky he is."

I can't. It gets worse with every post.

Really?

Meridian, you do realise you don't have to be involved with this man. It was your choice to have him for a 'boyfriend', you could easily have walked away.

It looks as though you have. Good!

What hold does he have over you? You say you are destined to be on your own unless you can find someone else but you are better off on your own!

Be independent, there's more to life than having a boyfriend.

This is a bit off-piste but am utterly puzzled as to how the OP can be training part time as a beautician, in receipt of PIP which signifies significant illness and yet purports to earn double the income her chef deadbeat does . Plus enjoys numerous holidays and breaks away which she solely pays for . I just can't make the numbers work .
I'm on ADP ( Scotland) and need every penny of that for help and aids to manage my conditions,plus the travel to numerous hospital appointments and stay warm. And even if I had the cash left over to go to Disneyland , I couldn't as I am too unwell for a trip like that . None of this makes sense .

Also picks him up at lunchtime but then needs significant care from him?

And picks him up at 10pm from work too. Don't know where her children are whilst she does that .

Also travel insurance to the US is massively expensive with health conditions even if you can get it . I really don't see how a single mum on disability support with a trainee part time beautician income could afford any of that .

Maybe time for her to work on making a real life for her and her family rather than this train wreck of a toxic , needy relationship between 2 adults who put their childish needs ahead of their young families. It's repulsive and so damaging to the kids . A trip to Disneyland won't erase their memories of all this vile drama and abuse.

Yep!! Totally bizarre...

Posters on this thread have called a 13 year old vile, disgusting, cheeky, brat etc. when that child is being massively let down by all adults involved and the OP intent on blaming everything that goes wrong in her life on this poor child. Recording the child in her own home and posting her texts on a public forum are all very low. I firmly feel that OP is the problem here. She is hell bent on getting the child out of the picture at all costs. And much of the story simply doesn't add up considering previous threads, financial situation, and disability. OP says she has left now, but still make a reunion contingent upon the behaviour of the daughter. I hope that poor child gets the help she deserves from somewhere, because it sure as heck isn't from the adults in her life.

How does a trainee chef manage to have a two hour lunch?

Split shift

gap between meals

I think OP is a fantasist, embellishing details to suit her own narrative (no, I'm not suggesting it's all made up, thus I'm not troll hunting).
I imagine all of this has some basis in reality, but nope, I don't believe she's suddenly seen the light and decided to sack off the dodgy partner.

I'm on ADP too, @Thebelleofstmarys, and it is definitely not generous enough for lots of holidays/breaks, never mind out-earning a chef. I don't think I'm out earning anyone, to be honest.

Absolutely. They are both shit parents. She still thinks the blame is with his daughter. Wow. Poor girl and poor all the kids. What a mess to grow up in . Shame on you both

This in itself is bad. Daughter has gone missing and instead of looking for her he’s come to you. Hope she’s ok and safe or don’t you care?

It does but as lone parent, PIP in own right, +child with a disability who also likely getting either child DLA or CDP, +claiming Carers Allowance for the child and a number of other things, OP’s take home will be very significant. Much higher than for lone parent without those factors. Absolutely will have way more disposable income than a couple earning minimum wage or her ex-DP as a Chef. The PIP descriptors as you’ll know have a very high bar. OP will need to show she needs daily help with personal care per the descriptors and/or has mobility issues or be unable to undertake any journey due to overwhelming psychological distress etc. A person able to independently holiday on their own would not usually meet PIP criteria (though conditions fluctuate) due to the above - mean in general terms as every case different and so not commenting on OPs case. To check the exact amounts entitled to for a lone parent on PIP, claiming carers allowance with a child with a disability a good place to start is a benefit calculator… figures vary depending on levels but can be as much as £750-£960 per week. Not shabby! https://www.entitledto.co.uk/benefits-calculator/Intro/Home?cid=aa1eeef0-7309-4c0d-aaeb-a29db60eb33f

I am astonished ! Thank you for the figures and links . I hadn't figured in all the claims for the children .

No wonder the government and a lot of people are getting annoyed with some PIP etc claimants . To me , using the.money to go to Disneyland is really not on . That's not supporting disabilities to enable leading as near a normal life as possible . All of my grown up children work full time as do their partners in fairly well.paid jobs and at the.most can afford a week in the Canaries with their families. And feel pleased about affording that .

I literally cannot manage a day out on my own anymore . It's rubbish . But then I'm chronically unwell so probably to be expected and have lovely friends and a decent chap who I go to local events with when up to it .

What dreadful moral codes these children are being brought up to think as normal behaviour .

@GentleJadeOPrhe daughter is at her mums house as I checked x

@marcoprontsplit shifts and he isn’t a trainee he’s qualified and has been 20 years x

Dropkick Dad didn’t think to check himself? Why the actual fuck are you letting this goose darken your door?

Why didn’t he check with her?

Did you let him stay at yours after he showed up?

Because they're all co-dependant, and hooked on the drama and the power struggle

Wouldn't the mum's house be the first logical place anyone would think to check? What an unbelievable shambles.

Then how is your income working part time as a trainee so much higher than his ?? Can you explain? How are you disabled enough to get PIP yet well enough to travel to Disneyland and stand queuing in heat ? I really am baffled .

My son is a head chef and on £50, 000 pa plus tips . 22 years experience so similar to your. ...ex...not ex ..who knows ? It doesn't sound like you do.

Please - with all your financial resources and your own home , concentrate on giving your children the security and consistency you all need and forget about cocklodgers . Dream big , finish your training , earn more.money and better your life .

And I'd also like to assure you , children do not become independent when the go.into secondary school as you stated in an earlier post . That tricky time with another big change while puberty is looming is when they need you so much . Not all this toxic drama because you won't live without a feckless non parent .

The harm this situation you keep involving yourself in is no good for any of you .

he has now proceeded to turn up in my doorstep to stay tonight as the eldest daughter hasn’t turned up home and is ignoring all his messages 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yeah, because that's what every responsible parent does when their out of control teenaged daughter fails to come home for and ignores your calls. Say 'well sod sitting here worrying about where she is, I'll just go to my girlfriend's for the night.'

WTF?