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Messages from step child

669 replies

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 29/06/2025 22:53

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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5
Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 19:35

GentleJadeOP · 01/07/2025 19:28

Wow that’s a large gas and elec bill

It sure is. One of my conditions causes me to be cold a lot of the time. Even so , my gas and electric for a large 3 bed flat is only £140 a month DD. And that includes using the drier when I can't get down and up the back steps to the drying line . Which is often. Her whole lifestyle beggars belief .

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 01/07/2025 19:37

@Thebelleofstmarys yes I always inform them I am going away.

I get 8 on the mobility so only get low.

large gas as my son has 4 baths a day. And the electric is beaver he has to have 4 night lights in his room, his iPad is always charging, and other bits

OP posts:
Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 19:45

@Stepchildrenarehardwork

4 baths a day ??? Are you on a water meter ? I understand your child has special needs but 4 baths a day is absolutely excessive for anyone . How do you manage 4 baths a day time wise when travelling abroad , when you're working or training ? Or when he's at school ?

Nightlights cost pence to run as does charging tech .

You really do need help to sort your life out and get it functional.

Bccbonbon · 01/07/2025 19:49

Tbh you all sound very chaotic and dysfunctional. I tried reading the posts and lost the plot. just going by your original message alone, the sd is right that you shouldn’t be filming her without consent, in her own home at early hours of the morning. It really is her home - not sure if you are getting that. That means she can have sleepovers, she can be loud at 2 am. Yes she should have been politer and more considerate given you are a guest there with your kids, but your behaviour also sounds extreme.

VioletandMauve · 01/07/2025 19:49

What absolute rubbish this entire thread is 😂

Stepchildrenarehardwork · 01/07/2025 19:51

@Thebelleofstmaryshe has one in the morning. One after school, one evening and durn weekends and holidays maybe one duen the day.

yes on a water meter. It’s a sensory thing the water helps calm him. I am thinking of getting a inflatable hot tub to try and reduce the amount of water

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 01/07/2025 19:54

Coastliner · 01/07/2025 18:32

Always an answer!

Yeah, but this is the bit I would really like explained…

@excelledyourself I never classed them as my step kids as we never saw them that often and for the first part I didn’t no they existed and tbh me and the guy were so off and on, didn’t live together we were prettt much friends with benefits, accidentally had a child and yeah it was more company for each other. So I wasn’t actively a step mother and actively in their lives so no they weren’t my step kids we were two friends who use to have fun. I hate to admit though that my youngest was born from a friends with benefits thing so I just saw my partner. Sorry should have just said from the start

But also from another thread…

I don't have a credit care or loan facility. Unfortunately I have just finished a IVA due to my youngest dad when he lived with me as he was a stay at home dad as I worked and took lots of debt on my name.

Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 19:58

@Stepchildrenarehardwork do you know those things cost around £20 per day to run? So like another £140 per week on your utility bills ? So potentially you'd be spending over £850 per month on utilities if you go ahead with that idea . Can you see this is not a sustainable way to live ?

If water helps him, how about doing something really radical , like take him swimming in a local pool ?

Also you didn't explain how you manage the 3 or 4 baths a day whilst travelling abroad ? Good luck with that in the States as they seem to have a fondness for showers when I last visited in 2019 before becoming too unwell to travel. With autoimmune diseases , similar to yours.

Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 20:08

I swear down if I had bloody pearls, I'd be clutching them right now.

It's all so ......grubby. And sad . So so sad.

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:10

Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 13:08

I am astonished ! Thank you for the figures and links . I hadn't figured in all the claims for the children .

No wonder the government and a lot of people are getting annoyed with some PIP etc claimants . To me , using the.money to go to Disneyland is really not on . That's not supporting disabilities to enable leading as near a normal life as possible . All of my grown up children work full time as do their partners in fairly well.paid jobs and at the.most can afford a week in the Canaries with their families. And feel pleased about affording that .

I literally cannot manage a day out on my own anymore . It's rubbish . But then I'm chronically unwell so probably to be expected and have lovely friends and a decent chap who I go to local events with when up to it .

What dreadful moral codes these children are being brought up to think as normal behaviour .

Edited

Sorry so you yourself are on a disability benefit and you're now saying "no wonder the government are getting annoyed with some PIP claimants."

So people are justified to practice ableism but only if the disabled person receives X amount.

Unbeliable.

Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 20:21

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:10

Sorry so you yourself are on a disability benefit and you're now saying "no wonder the government are getting annoyed with some PIP claimants."

So people are justified to practice ableism but only if the disabled person receives X amount.

Unbeliable.

Not ableism at all. And I have autoimmune conditions as does the OP so cannot for a moment say my disabilities or conditions are superior to hers .

I also understood when being granted ADP that it was to pay for extra costs incurred by my disabilities . I didn't think that included potential hot tubs or holidays abroad . My bad .

Must admit I'm not fond of people committing fraud or exposing their children to toxic relationships either yet here the OP is.....

DrowningInSyrup · 01/07/2025 20:25

bluesinthenight · 30/06/2025 10:00

Why am I reading this differently to other people?

I was in a controlling relationship myself which - devastatingly - escalated to violence. But I am not really reading control here. Op keeps changing the scenario to garner support from mum netters. I say this because she makes it clear that she is p'd off that SD's presence makes it impossible for her and her DP to enact their usual "games" - he dresses up etc. Oh, don't tell me, now she is going to start saying that he forces her into that, where before she sounded completely up for it. For me, what is going on here is that OP can't stand SD because she gets in the way. She therefore exaggerates everything that SD does (and she can't do anything right). I don't mean that she is lying, but that we should understand that this is all amplified in her mind for various reasons. She says that SD demands snacks and I bet it's just the usual childish requests.

I don't know anything about school life, but is it even possible to be suspended 18 times without being excluded or without some kind of social/psychological care being put in place? If not, our system is well and truly broken. This child clearly needs help.

You're not the only one. OP resents her SD and is now threatening to call SS to make this kids life even worse. I prefer the rude teenager to the manipulative OP. Add to that the benefit fraud....she's a bloody nightmare.

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:28

Coastliner · 01/07/2025 17:21

Is this actually for real? Just as they are still debating the PIP benefits bill today and offering more concessions.
8 hours a week isn't working fgs. A teenager probably does more hours than that.

Nice ableism.

DrowningInSyrup · 01/07/2025 20:28

EasternEcho · 01/07/2025 09:58

Posters on this thread have called a 13 year old vile, disgusting, cheeky, brat etc. when that child is being massively let down by all adults involved and the OP intent on blaming everything that goes wrong in her life on this poor child. Recording the child in her own home and posting her texts on a public forum are all very low. I firmly feel that OP is the problem here. She is hell bent on getting the child out of the picture at all costs. And much of the story simply doesn't add up considering previous threads, financial situation, and disability. OP says she has left now, but still make a reunion contingent upon the behaviour of the daughter. I hope that poor child gets the help she deserves from somewhere, because it sure as heck isn't from the adults in her life.

Agreed.

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:28

PixelNomad · 01/07/2025 17:17

I think PP means that you get 4.5K in benefits and are off to Florida, while others are working full time and just scraping by, hardly managing to feed their kids.
HTH

Jealousy reeks.

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:35

Uol2022 · 01/07/2025 17:38

Anyway, whatever. You use your high expenses to justify needing that high income… but I also have to pay rent and council tax, obviously. And I also need a car (and have to drive to get to work, yknow to earn my income) and pay for fuel. Maybe if you focused more on working, parenting, or otherwise contributing to society you wouldn’t have so much time and energy for ridiculous relationship drama and getting into arguments with a teenager?

Sorry, a disabled person should spend more time focusing on working or contributing to society?

And this contribution is only monetized?

RedRock41 · 01/07/2025 20:46

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hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:47

Uol2022 · 01/07/2025 17:41

You really really shouldn’t have used that money without informing UC first. It’s enough that it should affect your claim and I don’t know if spending on holiday would be viewed sympathetically. Regardless of whether you get away with it, it is wrong to take money for living from the public when you have other sources.

Wrong in terms of?

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:49

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hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:51

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 01/07/2025 17:52

Totally off piste but why am I slogging my guts out doing a full-time job with similar exhausting disabilities to bring home less than you do? I've removed your child benefit , maintenance and child's DLA by the way, before I compared notes.
I had no idea that universal credit paid so much. £2800? That's about £20 per hour assuming 4 weeks and a 35 hour week. It's not minimum wage is it?!
Back on piste, please for the love of all that is holy, don't let him back into your good books. Get yourself some positive self esteem and confidence, do the freedom programme so you can spot these people a mile away, and don't settle for the sake of being in a relationship. You deserve better than that.

Why not just make yourself disabled to satisfy your jealousy.

RedRock41 · 01/07/2025 21:03

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SleeplessInWherever · 01/07/2025 21:08

Baffled. I read the first few pages, came to the last and thought I’d changed threads.

Don't get back with a man who would question if you were messaging people because you moved rooms, and makes you have the difficult conversations with his daughter. She is likely struggling with something, but he should lead on fixing that.

We spent £1300 on lasagne and cream cheese for my ND stepson last month, £250 a month for a kids food shop feels like nothing.

He also is a huge fan of water, because of his sensory needs. Paddling pool has been a game changer, can’t get him out of it.

I’m not going to comment on the benefits. My partner has fibro, and my stepson has complex needs, and we both work 40-50hr weeks. Appreciate that isn’t the same for everyone.

However - I wouldn’t list DLA as part of your income. It’s not yours, it’s your disabled child’s.

Thebelleofstmarys · 01/07/2025 21:08

hhtddbkoygv · 01/07/2025 20:35

Sorry, a disabled person should spend more time focusing on working or contributing to society?

And this contribution is only monetized?

But what contribution is the OP making to society ? Please explain .

Justmadeoneup · 01/07/2025 21:22

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Stepchildrenarehardwork · 01/07/2025 21:26

@Justmadeoneupit does because I struggle at times to wash my hair. And since my ex partner wasn’t able to help I would get it washed once a week and dried at the salon. When my pain is that bad I can’t lift my arms above my head

OP posts: