So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

So many of these men making zero provision for their children then move in with a new woman who has her own property and become a total cuckoo.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he doesn't even spend time with his own children. So there's a chance he is simply having them over as much as he can to keep his maintenance payments low.

Time for him to move out.

@Lookuptotheskies private rented, he don't know how to cook it would be frozen stuff

Then you need to find your anger, see how he's used you and get rid pronto

And remember you owe him no kindness - he's never been kind to you

@M2p you can see why ex kicked him out

@M2p

He will. Probably just thinking what to say to get his own way.

You're going to have to be very firm with him tonight. If he turns up with DSS tonight then just say to him 'what's your plan for tomorrow as I won't be here, so don't expect that to change'.

How much notice are you willing to give him to move out?

@Lookuptotheskies I do everything in the house

@M2p why did you accept that he does nothing in the house?

@beAsensible1i do yes

But you do owe the children kindness, not judgment.

You have an option to walk from this situation; they don’t.

And I’m not sure where the poor mites were expected to pick up all these exemplary manners given the situation.

Only how is that going to make dss feel?

It would be better for all if women didn’t facilitate the bringing about if these situations in the first place. And as for the fathers … 😬🙄

Said kindly, but you aren't their stepmum OP. You have zero obligation to these kids or their freeloading father.

I agree with all the pp's above. He is using you and all of this will only get worse. You absolutely must free yourself from this man and his kids by taking back complete control.

No the son cannot come tomorrow, and tell him to move out immediately. You owe this chump nothing.

@Buttonsbuttons I have got no clue!

@crumblingschools I suppose it's cause I've always done it and he let's me and never offers to help

Genuinely op, what attracted you to a man like this. Not being able to cook when you have kids who depend on you for nutrition is shameful, selfish, embarrassing and lazy. It’s awful enough anyway, without the kids.

Woah. Don’t put that on the op who is the only decent adult in this situation (plus maybe the ex). It’s not her responsibility.

well known MN phrase "Nanny with a Fanny" only in your case its NWAF and a house!

Well, he's taking you for a mug OP. You're providing a roof over his head and free babysitting for his children! Get this waster out of your house and out of your life. Why would you put up with this shite?

Start thinking and make a plan.

Does he have parents nearby?

You sound very passive @M2p. I suppose that’s possibly because you’re upset. How did you meet this bloke?

This poster @Calliopespa would never make the mistake of getting involved with a guy with children and apparently hangs out here to ‘advocate for the children’ not sure who asked her too , but whatever.

@M2p NOT YOUR PROBLEM

Obviously don't do it in front of the kids!

But men like this rely on women always doing the right thing and putting other people's feelings first. That's how they get what they want.

People pleasing is a women's own worst enemy.

So miserable. None of them are showing you any respect whatsoever.

This! Its clear what the answer is here @M2p dump the bag of shit and you’re free. Don’t have anymore kids with the tool bags either. If he can’t look after the ones he has already created….

Agreed OP, not your issue what happens to his DC. Ignore the people who hang out on the step-parenting boards just to defend any and all stepchildren in the world.

This man has been taking advantage of you.

The children behave the way they do because they are supposed to see dad but he’s a crap father and absent. They are probably angry that other kids get better dads while they are being babysat by his gf. They are basically treating you in the same way that he is treating you and will think that’s ok because they are copying dad.

He is the problem and not the SC. You need to leave this relationship unless he starts paying for your nannying services although I wouldn’t babysit kids who didn’t like me because it’s miserable for everyone. Stand up for yourself and say that you are going tomorrow so if he’s having his children then he needs to take time off. You’re the literal nanny with a fanny and both you and the kids deserve better