So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Op do NOT change your plans. His children, his responsibility. Any disappointment on their behalf is on him, not you.

If you see a future with this man, you need to lay some very firm ground rules down, the first being the children only visit when he is there to entertain / be with them. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who sees me as the hired chef, cleaner, nanny.

Then get him out

Then you reply straight away that that will be impossible as you won't be there!

Why are you so passive in your own home?

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!

He leaves your home.

I knew that this would be the case. Your p has taken you for a fool, Op.

Change the locks while he is out and bag his stuff!

@Buttonsbuttons I actually don't think he's going to reply at all

Is a mother's "contact" time for her alone to spend time with her children. Or is she allowed to have a normal life where she works and occasionally socialises.

Having said this it does sound as though the children are expressing themselves in a negative way and it needs to be addressed. If dad isn't spending enough time with them then he needs to sort that out. If the children would rather be hanging out at their home with mum when dad is working then this should be facilitated (so long as mum can manage this too). Have a chat first with your partner about your expectations of family life moving forward and his. Then sit the kids down with snacks and drinks you know they like and have a family meeting where you tell them what your boundaries are and ask them what theirs are.

They sound miserable, and you do too. But it mostly sounds like noone is communicating.

@Nanny0gg I have no idea, I have never been like this

Oh wow. This is not a good man. He's not a good partner, not a good parent.

Everything he is doing shows you how far you are down his list of priorities. There is zero respect. Please please move him out. You deserve so much better.

So he’s taking the piss. He should not be getting them and then leaving you to watch them.

You need to watch out that his child doesn't turn up, he scoots off to work and you're left to babysit and have to cancel your friend. I'd be nipping this in the bud now and telling him to tell his ex his child can't come or he's around to look after them.
Cheeky fecker!

Can you communicate with the ex direct to say no, they are not to come to your house

What is your housing situation?

This needs to end, nothing will improve long term.

In the meantime explain to him that you no longer cook, on nights his kids are here he can cook the family meals. On days and nights the kids are with you, he needs to either not be at work, or book childcare.

Tell him you are out tomorrow and cannot watch the kids.

He's basically got a free cook and nanny, and can't even be bothered to train his kids to have basic manners. It's not their fault, it's his.

Ah, your P is your partner. I did wonder.

Tell him straight it is not a satisfactory situation! He needs to be there more for his children, not just parking them on you. It doesn't sound as though you do anything together and you are just there to do domestic duties.

I would not stay in such a relationship but if you want to give him a chance, be firm, take yourself off sometimes to do your own thing.

You are not a child minder or a skivvy.

Please, whatever happens, do not get pregnant with this man until this is sorted out.

When it's just you two in the house do you split cooking and cleaning equally? Or do you it all then too?!

Go out now op and lock the door. Anywhere. And stay out. Go out with your friend tonight.

im just catching up with your thread now, but from your first post I was thinking ‘oh no, he’s just using you.’

we are all saying the same thing as we can see it objectively and without emotion.

rext his responses here and we’ll help you.

im sorry for you that he pulled the wool over your eyes, but we’ve all been there

Please don’t say things like “they have no manners.” They are victims of their upbringing, not responsible for it.

They clearly don’t want you imposed on them as a surrogate parent - and nor should they. It’s normal to resent the fact you are being “palmed off.” Its traumatic.

Its not their job to “ fix” the situation by acting exactly as would be convenient for all the adults who are failing them.

Do you not work?

I would hate to constantly be left with a stranger after my mum & dad split.

these threads are depressing, honestly OP why do you have such low standards

This!!!!

you owe him nothing

Neither would I.

I have some sympathy for you feeling resentful towards the father op; but why do women walk into these relationships? Then blame the disturbed children ( which your title does).

Ruddy hell @M2p . He gets worse with each update.
Do not change your plans so you can babysit his child.
Do not leave your house to get away from his kids.
This situation is not their fault. But it is not your problem to facilitate his (lack of) contact by being childcare whilst he swans off.
You and your home are very convenient for him. He's using you. Housekeeper, nanny, cook, sex.
What benefits do you get out of this? If he works long hours it's not even companionship.

So would I. It’s cruel.