Yes I knew he had kids

[chaticat]

But I didn't realise when we had our own child I'd be left to do so much of the parenting by myself.

He does their washing and his. I do mine and LO's. He had to travel 3 hours to see them and come back so I'm left alone during what would for others be "family time".

I find myself thinking I'd be better off separating as then he'd see LO every other weekend one on one and give them some attention! The DSC arrive and out comes the red carpet and LO is left to me.

it's the dichotomy between when they are here and when they aren't.

so he’s a disney dad with them for 2 nights out of 14

and a shite parent and partner with you every day?

correct?

I’d just start through half of DCs laundry into his basket and see if he takes the hint on that one. Do you shove it all in your basket or do you actually pick through and sort all your own items when it’s laundry time?

how old are they op?

Pretty much yes! Nail on head

Dc puts it in my basket he puts his in sdcs basket. Good idea. Thank you.

right

So… issue isn’t the step kids and
your op shouldn’t be in SP forum

it’s a marriage issue
and it’s one that sounds fundamentally rotting

this is hilarious.. so before you had children, you did your washing separately? now i know this is a piss take!

They live 1.5 hours away. She moved. Originally he was 8 hours away when she moved

Which of them moved 8 hours away from the other parent?

yes he did theirs and his and I did mine. Otherwise it all got too much and their stuff would get left too late to do or i couldnt be sure he was washing the clothes I needed. We didn't live together for a while. It's really not that weird a concept surely. Occasionally I would do some of his.

You answered that in the bit you quoted...

Not just fawn over the prodigal first borns and ignore the youngest.

"Fawning" is what he should be doing. His youngest has the huge advantage that daddy lives with him/her full time, whereas the older children get to see him for a small part of each fortnight. Of course he should be making a massive fuss of them.

It's unclear, that's why I'm asking!

how old are his children

how old is your child together

oh it gets better... you couldnt be sure he was washing the clothes YOU needed.

What is your issue here?

We tried it. He washed his shirts and pants and his kids clothes and then maybe one or two of my shirts. It didn't work.

She did

How old is your child?

i think its obvious what my issue is... im standing up for your other half..

you are online, while his children are visiting.. making him out to be this horrible person..

What’s so funny about a married couple doing their own washing?
I do my washing on my days off, my husband does his on the weekends I’m working, I also do both our towels and bedding, I really don’t think it’s strange to do your own washing!
At least @chaticat husband is doing the washing, poor man, it would be wrong if she said he’s leaving all the washing for her to do and I feel her frustration that he only does 2 of his children’s washing and not his 3rd child

Okay, I’ve RTFT.

I have DSC. We have them 50%. I do their washing if I’m doing a load, but DH is responsible for his children, so I think that’s just a thing that’s irritated you so much it’s become a bigger deal than it is.

Regarding “family time”, I’d say that it’s really difficult to find an activity that secondary school kids and toddlers all enjoy. Plus teens are just harder to entice to join in family time entertain anyway, so I have a bit of sympathy tbh.

Does he feel a bit guilty? That he lives full time with the LO and not the DSC? Have you discussed this with him at all? He may benefit for some therapy about it.

Loads of couples do separate laundry. I don’t - I don’t think it would work well for us. Lots do. Search the threads - faux baffled women everywhere “erm…why are you doing a grown man’s washing???” “Why would I do DHs washing when he is a capable adult” “I’m sorry, do you need a vagina to operate a washing machine or something?” “DH did his washing for 15 years before he met me so why would I start doing it for him?”.

i am female.. i am married... i have not touched a laundry load in the 10 years me and my husband have been together.

i find it very odd that in a joint household, if there's a load needs doing.. it gets done by whoever is nearest or available.

i do not know relationship where the laundry is a seperate... the world had gone totally mad

I think tbh our washing arrangements are and even bigger issue on here than they are IRL!! They are just a symptom of a bigger issue

Your husband sees the teens for 2 days out of 14. He isn't a good dad to any of the children. It's easy to muster up the energy for 2 nights a fortnight when there is a benefit to him. He looks like a good Dad to others around him. He doesn't need to do that for your joint DC as he has you to do that. If you left him, I'm sure he'd find the energy to disney Dad your DC for 2 nights a fortnight too. The only solution is to leave him. The alternative is to make the peace that you made a bad decision and this is your life now. He won't change, its likely the reason he split up with his first wife.

Fine look. This isn't about us having split chores it's about the split of the chores. You do you