Yes I knew he had kids

[chaticat]

But I didn't realise when we had our own child I'd be left to do so much of the parenting by myself.

He does their washing and his. I do mine and LO's. He had to travel 3 hours to see them and come back so I'm left alone during what would for others be "family time".

I find myself thinking I'd be better off separating as then he'd see LO every other weekend one on one and give them some attention! The DSC arrive and out comes the red carpet and LO is left to me.

any reason why you don’t wish to specify

its kind of relevant

I'm pretty sure that @Zwicky was not criticising you op.

You're coming across as quite snappy here.

Any reason you keep hammering the point?

I've already said preschooler and that they are at secondary school. That's all you need to know.

Because everyone is obsessed with the washing and how old the kids are. It's weird

You only gave 2 examples of things that he does for his kids that you don’t like, and washing was one of them. Several people asked if you expect him not to do age appropriate things with his kids and you ignored those questions so washing is what’s left. Your snapping at people asking normal questions and people on your side and then complaining you want support and advice 🤷‍♀️

YOU mentioned the washing... YOU highlighted that he does not do your washing.. you made out it was a big thing.

now, it appears, in your household its not a big thing, its what you have always done.. you can't have a go at him for doing something that you have both agreed on!

They're not obsessing op, they're discussing things you have raised!

Honestly, you sound like incredibly hard work. I'm starting to understand why your husband might enjoy those 3 hour journeys.

The standard Mumsnet responses on here. As a stepmum, you will very rarely get sympathy OP. We aren't allowed to express any frustrations about our family dynamics without being labelled selfish, wicked, blah blah blah.

Having read a lot of the posts, I completely get where you are coming from. My DH has two kids and we share a kid together. After ours was born it became very apparent that I did all the parenting for him and DH did all the parenting for his two. From what I understand your situation to be, it's not a resentment that he parents his own, but that he should also be fairly parenting your child in the same way. He has 3 children, he should parent all 3 equally. Just because he has his two children every other weekend, doesn't stop him being a parent to his third child. How anyone can't see that is beyond me. If this was not a blended family and a dad chose to only spend time with two of his children and ignored the third and all parenting duties, he would be bashed and rightly so. But once again, it somehow becomes the stepmothers fault. We just can't ever win I'm afraid.

I FEEL SO SEEN! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so.. if we ignore the washing element..

your next compliant is that he drives a round trip of 3 hours to collect his kids.. and leave little ole you on your own to look after your child on your own until his return??

he lives with you! you get him 24hours a day, 7 days a week, give or take work and time in his man cave, which i am fairly sure ALL men are allowed down time.

his kids get 1 weekend every fortnight, so 24hrs every 2 weeks to see him and spend time with him.

and you're pissy because thats YOUR time!

Did you know why his first marriage failed?

and everything you have said is true... but thats not what the OP has mentioned is it?

she's moaned that he does a 3 hour trip to get his kids, she's moaned that he only washes their clothes and she's moaned that its eaten into her time!

im sure even a level headed person like yourself can see why the OP has received some of the comments they have?

they’re at secondary

so… they could be 15 and 17

which means that it’s somewhat baffling they are still going to their fathers every other weekend and he’s doing everything for them

interestingly you don’t specifically if separate cooking whilst they are over and whether you all eat together?

nope

this is about a marriage on its way out

Why’s it baffling that they still go to their fathers? And he’s doing their laundry, it’s not ‘everything’

@quietlifeneeded the OP has also said 'The DSC arrive and out comes the red carpet and LO is left to me.' In addition to the washing and the drive. She hasn't gone in to any more detail admittedly and I think if she wanted to, there may hopefully be a bit more sympathy from some. But I've been in this situation and have a reasonable understanding of 'the red carpet' thing and how the resident third child gets forgotten about for those 48 hours.

Yes

You're obsessed

a 15 and 17 wanting to leave friends and home every other weekend and go to their dad’s puts a different slant on the entire scenario ie they should be cooking every once in a while, maybe wanting to take their young sibling out alone to playground for example, doing their laundry (although for 2 bloody nights, surely they just take back their pants!)

But given the op doesn’t clarify…. i suppose they’re young teens

so you’re not going to clarify cooking and eating arrangements

but you did the washing laundry situation

😆

quite true... but its unusual to have older children in a house with a baby and not want to play and spend time with the baby? so you have to ask who is being kept away from who? you would assume that the DSC have been visiting for the 8 years they have been together, so they will have been around for the birth and for the im guessing 2 years of its growing up?

i’m guessing fact you don’t mention cooking means he does it all

She hasn’t said they don’t cook or play with their sibling. I don’t really get what you are implying. Altho I appreciate OPs obtuse answers are a little annoying

Oh ffs

He cooks when they are here but only their favourite food. He doesn't cook any of the rest of the time

He is remaining loyal and committed to his children and that cannot be taken for granted. He lives with you and your son as part of everyday life. He sounds a decent and reasonable man. I agree that you need to consider having your son's half siblings involved in your lives/shared home at some point. That would be the best way forward for all