Yes I knew he had kids

[chaticat]

But I didn't realise when we had our own child I'd be left to do so much of the parenting by myself.

He does their washing and his. I do mine and LO's. He had to travel 3 hours to see them and come back so I'm left alone during what would for others be "family time".

I find myself thinking I'd be better off separating as then he'd see LO every other weekend one on one and give them some attention! The DSC arrive and out comes the red carpet and LO is left to me.

No he does their washing because he's always done their washing. From day dot.

Wtf I don't have a pissed off expression. The issue isn't so much when they are here, it's the dichotomy between when they are here and when they aren't. The treatment if them and the treatment of DC. I get on with the dsc well.

Yes they bring washing.

why?

What do you mean why? Because they turned up with washing so he did it??

This isn’t really a step-parent issue, he’s just clearly lousy and that’s probably why he isn’t with his ex no matter what he has told you.

take them out of the equation- he is not interested in your life together. He’d rather be in the shed.

He doesn’t want to spend time with you when he’s ‘free’ and not with the SDC.

He isn’t present for little one because they are probably boring and hard work to him right now….whereas he can go see 12A films with the teens and go out for pizza and other things that he deems palatable. And there is also likely a hefty dose of guilt that contributes to the Disney dad-ing.

He has no interest in being a ‘family man’ with you and probably was a shit dad to his kids when they were younger and needier.

i dont see the issue? did you want to do their washing? did he ask you to do it? did he expect you to do it? or did he step up.. and do the washing as he didnt want to put more on you?

you say he doesnt do the joint childs washing? is that because you've never asked him too?

you sound very bitter.. you say you get on with his DSC but this whole thread reeks of an underlying issue you are not talking about?

i wonder if you are actually 'the other woman" and he left his wife and kids for you? and the game of happy families you had running round in your head, hasn't quite worked out how you thought it was eg. he leaves his old life, dumps his ex wife and kids, and you two skip off happility into the sunset..

but sadly.. hes a good man, and he steps up for his own kids

but sadly.. hes a good man, and he steps up for his own kids

He steps up for the kids from his previous marriage more.

And no I'm not the OW 🙄

He sees them EOW OP, that's already the bare minimum and he's far from an equal parent to them. Of course he needs to focus on them for the little time he has them, and of course that means he isn't with you catering to the interests of a much younger child. That's absolutely right and you should have expected it.

If he's ignoring you and your child for the other 12 days per fortnight when he doesn't have the older children, that's a problem between you and nothing to do with your stepchildren.

Is the issue not just the age difference between the children? If he only did things that all the children could participate in, then the older children would miss out on doing older children things with their father. Like the trip to the cinema. This happens in full-blood families with age gaps too. The children sometimes do things together, and other times they get split between their parents for age-appropriate activities.

Are your legs ok after jumping to all those conclusions? Since when does a man need to be asked to help out with his own child? Wow, just wow!

If a man can handle looking after children from 2 different women then he shouldn't have had more children.

OP, you're a stepmum so on MN that means no matter what you do you are the villain who hates her stepkids.

The issue is he doesn't bother his arse with his younger child even when the older kids aren't there. That is the issue. He's capable of stepping up for his older kids but not for his youngest.

You keep ignoring all actual questions regarding this though, which suggests you no you are being a bit unreasonable on that point.

Do you suggest he refuses to do their washing? Do you want to do it?

nope my legs are great thanks... it amuses me on mumsnet how you've just taken the OP's word as law.. you've not looked at the bigger picture, how the OP is avoiding answering only certain questions.

What are the questions about the washing sorry?

He does it. He doesn't do shared DC's he leaves that all to me.

I don't get the washing issue so I'll leave that. But I do think if the children are coming for say two days then he could split the weekend into chunks and do a mixture of all five of you time and just them three time. It's not unusual to want your parent all to yourself unless your step parent has been in your little since you were a tot.

Yes this

So again, the step kids aren’t the issue, the issue is he doesn’t partake in his marriage, so what’s next? Guessing you’ve already spoken to him about not doing his fair share day to day?

what like any other normal man?

(excpet my husband because hes OCD about washing but thats a different story)

who did the washing BEFORE your shared child turned up? do you have separate laundry baskets in the bedroom? HIS & HERS...

Why are you asking me that? I'm here for support and advice? And no I haven't today as the step children are here and I don't want them to pick up on bad vibes between us because unlike iamanalmond or whatever the name is keeps saying I do actually care about them

and while you are here posting on MN who is looking after your DC?

What on earth are you on about like any other normal man?? He did his and the kids washing and I did mine. Then we had a shared child and he decided that's my washing to sort out.

Have you heard of sleep?

Asking you like what? I’m repeating the same question I asked earlier (which you didn’t respond to, but you did respond defensively to someone else) in order to try and move the conversation along to actually help and support. But you don’t really seem to want that…

Have you ever brought these issues up with him?

Sorry you asked me what was next and I have no idea what's next. Every time I have tried to approach it it's him huffing that he's got enough to deal with