Yes I knew he had kids

[chaticat]

But I didn't realise when we had our own child I'd be left to do so much of the parenting by myself.

He does their washing and his. I do mine and LO's. He had to travel 3 hours to see them and come back so I'm left alone during what would for others be "family time".

I find myself thinking I'd be better off separating as then he'd see LO every other weekend one on one and give them some attention! The DSC arrive and out comes the red carpet and LO is left to me.

Nothing @beetforever Just personal opinion. His choice how he parents, it's just not the way I would do things and so it's frustrating!

Frustrating because if it was a shared DC I'd step in but because it's SC, I don't.

Doesn't make him a bad parent, just a different one.

So he is going to have to adapt his way of parenting for shared child?

But if you say he’s a wonderful father, then sounds like he’s doing a bloomin good job and no need to “change”?

I hear you OP. This is one of the reasons I chose not to have a child with DH. He’s a good man with his heart in the right place but his guilt/desperation/obsession with providing Teenage Paradise EOW for DSS, led to some questionable decisions.

Sometimes.

But it's more the financial side that annoys me rather than the time my husband spends with our child. I don't agree with paying their mum any maintenance when we have 50/50 care. And most of the financial costs of your child seem to be for me to settle.

I think it's really important for you as a Mum and step mum to speak to your husband about involving all children and helping with/facilitating it: I realise you think it's down to him, but as your childs mother it's also on you.

Saying things like 'don't be silly' to replies just shows you to be insincere and the attitude you have is perhaps the precise reason you feel the way you do.

@nwsw

But it's more the financial side that annoys me rather than the time my husband spends with our child. I don't agree with paying their mum any maintenance when we have 50/50 care. And most of the financial costs of your child seem to be for me to settle.

why does your husband give money if 50/50? spousal?

do you have children? and you pay for his children?!

Yeah, we will have to adapt, and he does. As I say, he is doing a great job, but it doesn't make life any easier, because it's still a source of conflict. I don't agree with this kids bedtimes, or their boundaries, or the way they speak or act sometimes (he think's it's 'cheeky' or 'banter' I think it's rude). He doesn't need to change, I don't ask him to change. He is who is is and he parents how he parents - but he does accept doing things differently with our shared DC, because he has to really. I am sure if he was with his ex-wife he would also parent the SC differently.

i wonder how it will work out when the children see their father parenting his children so differently

@giveitago82 big age gap, I doubt it will be a consideration. At the moment his kids get away with blue murder. By the time our DC is their age they'll be adults so our shared DC won't really know.