Hang on..I'm a mother too.

[waterlellon]

Sorry it's a mothers day one.

So DH asked repeatedly if the DSC wanted to spend mothers day with their mum. Their mum didn't mind and said no stick to usual pattern.

Now all of a sudden DH has to take them back on mothers day so they can see her for lunch.

Fine whatever. However I am also a mother to his children and now I'm spending it with LO on my own until he gets back later in the afternoon.

I'm just ranting. I knew he had kids. I chose this.

Because it's her Mother's Day too! Why should she be in a car for 4 hours when it's her ExH's responsibility to do the drive?!
It's her responsibility when she changes plans last minute. She changes her mind, she needs to pick them up. There's one Mother's Day a year. OP wants to spend that one day doing as she pleases. Now she can't.
She will be compromising enough being a stepmum and I'm sure she doesn't mind normally.

This .

He lives hours away from his kids. I'm sure their mum is the one doing most of the compromising.

Oh sorry. I missed the post where OP said he was the one to move away. My bad.

🤣 not in the slightest, you can keep your sympathy, as I don't need ir want it in the slightest.
It's Mothers Day, when I celebrate being a mother 🙄 as I said, it's not "celebrate your wife" day, or it would called "Wife Day" 🤷‍♀️🤣

Yes, why?
He chooses how he wants to spend it. With the kids, or without.

I think your husband and his ex should drive halfway and meet in the middle to hand over the kids. That way he'll be gone for 2 hours instead of 4.

Doesn't solve everything but it will help.

The thing is @waterlellonyou have already said that the kids have to be dropped back home on the Sunday at some point regardless of it being Mother's Day. Of course that is a bit frustrating for you but from what you said it IS your DP's weekend for contact.

So while I do understand that you feel upset that you aren't going to get your DP's company for the whole Sunday, surely it is better that he takes them back early and then the rest of the day neither of you will have to worry about going out and can relax. If the kids have to be back at their Mum's for 11-11.30 am, he can leave at 9 am and be back for around 1 pm. The Roast Dinner can be at 2pm and it's all good?

I really don't think your DP is doing anything wrong. You are giving him a really hard time on here and it sounds like he can't win, whatever happens

Just tell him how you feel and that he has prioritised his ex having a nice day over you. His choices are: the kids go back Saturday and she sucks it up; the kids don’t come at all; the kids stay with you and he makes a fuss of you; he takes them home as planned and you will be pissed off.

I didn't. Because he didn't.

Please tell your DH how you feel op , it will be very telling to see if he prioritises his ex over you . They usually do sadly .

I haven't said I don't want him to do it. I haven't said it's unreasonable for them to be with their mother everyone else is reading that into it. I've defended her when someone called her a cow. She isn't.

All this was was a rant about how my DH didn't even consider me in this.

You mean that the dc who is shared between the OP and her dh should accept to celebrate Christmas on a different date to accomodate their older siblings just because …. They happen to have step parents?

Thats going to work well with explaining Santa coming on a different day!

I have. He's said he's sorry and he went to the shop after work and told me not to look in the fridge.

Yeah we're not doing that. I promised my child wouldn't have to make more allowances than necessary for being part of a blended family they aren't 2nd best.

Let their mum come collect them, or take them home earlier - don’t let it cut up the middle of your day. Even go home night before, she changed her mind, she does the fetching - it’s only fair

Quite. It’s one day OP’s OH needs to consult her and consider her feelings. Not much to ask is it?

the kids go back Saturday and she sucks it up

no she has plans im not going to ruin that for her.

the kids don’t come at all
Not fair on the kids is it, to not see their dad.

the kids stay with you and he makes a fuss of you original plan but now it would be v awkward

he takes them home as planned and you will be pissed off no I won't!!!!! This isn't about him taking him back. As many other posters have said if he'd approached this completely differently I wouldn't feel pissed off.

She'll likely be hungover and also she does the drop off so I don't think that's fair

Santa can come then they can have turkey on Boxing Day. Or not. Whatever works for them. Just pointing out that other humans comprise for one another all the time. The OP is being ridiculous in this case, just have lunch later 😅

Can you put the kids on a train? How old are they?

Yep, that is exactly what you have to do.
Let him spend father's day with his children

Of course.
Imagine the child in nursery/primary and having Santa coming on a different day than everyone else!

Come on! There are many ways to handle a different tradition. But moving a day like Christmas is not one of them. At the very least until said children dint believe in Santa anymore.

It sounded like you had a lovely tradition with your own mum and your mum with her mum OP. It is hard when we feel traditions slipping away through circumstances. I’ve been there, albeit in a different situation. All I can advise is to cut yourself some slack. I’ve felt desperately sad at some of the traditions I had as a child slipping away with my own children. Usually because I’m so up against it all the time I cannot find the space for those special moments in the same way. It is hard.

It sounds like a roast lunch is particularly quite important to you on this day. I understand the feeling of despair at losing out on something that you associate with this day and the love of your mother / grandmother. We build these important associations as a child so it is extremely difficult when we feel we are being denied the opportunity to carry them on in adulthood.

Is your mum still alive OP? Forgive me for asking, I wasn’t sure based on your previous posts if she was or not. If not then I doubly understand why this is hard.

I think you need to talk this through with DH. Men, for all their effort, can be clueless sometimes and not understand the significance of things in the way that women do. I think it’s really important he knows and understands why this has upset you. It may be too late to make any major changes to the plan now but you need to explain why this day is so important to you and what your hopes and expectations are moving forward.

My post said Santa can come (ie. On Christmas Day) then have Christmas dinner biding day. Who cares, whatever works but people do often need to compromise at Christmas. Lots of people actually work Christmas Day for example

Also I really don’t think a child in nursery would realise their friends had Santa on a different day 🤣