I can’t stand my DSC

[holywow]

I already know how this is going to go but i need to know how to unpick my feelings or change how I feel before it gets worse.
I will try not to harp on with myself but I just can’t bare my DSS any longer. He verging on probably the most irritating person I’ve ever met and I can’t work out how it’s come to this. It’s at the point where I am considering ending my marriage because I can’t bare to see him on a weekly basis any longer and I hate myself for feeling this way towards an 8 year old boy and worried about the damage that’s it’s going to do or already doing to him and the relationship between him and dh. The dread and anxiety that I feel as the weekend approaches is getting worse and worse. This started around the end of my pregnancy with my own DS (3yo) and has got gradually worse up till this point.

I’m so fed up of our home being chilled and calm during the week but then pandemonium every weekend when he arrives.
Im sick of the pity party for him off dh and his family.
Im sick of having to ask DSS mum permission every single time we want to book something like an abroad holiday or a few days break and then the arsing around choosing dates that she agrees to when I just simply want to book a holiday for my family and for my own ds to enjoy.
I hate hearing ‘daddy can I have can I have can I have’ all weekend.
I hate that I try my best to parent my 3 year old a certain way then all my hard work coming undone at the weekend when DSS arrives.
i hate that my 3 year old can’t play with his toys in peace instead of being teased and wound up by an older child who isn’t here during the week.
I can’t stand that every single Friday and Saturday night, without fail, we’re woken several times a night because DSS wants dh to get in his bed.
I resent how I want another baby so badly but they won’t get their own bedroom and will have to share with DS as DSS absolutely has to have his very own bedroom at our house even though he has his own bedroom at his mums.

I resent absolutely everything and I don’t know how to stop it. I never used to be like this before my own child was born!!

OP. I wonder if you may havePTSD following the traumatic experience of your child’s birth. The ex-wife’s behaviour has not helped an already awful time. Please consider therapy to assist you unpacking this event as it is likely to have caused the changed feelings you have for your DSS.

I would be firm with your husband the current custody arrangements do not work. You need to have a weekend without DSS at lease once a month. There is no reason the ex should not have her son some weekends

I hope for her sake that somehow that happens to you first.

You're Vile.

'Broke free' as if a step-parent has been sentenced to that awful life(!) Let me find my tiny violin...

Thanks for agreeing all three adults require to up their parenting game where this child is concerned.

I won't respond to the reminder of your rant as there is nothing new that a few other posters whose to empathy lies solely with the OP haven't already put forward to shift any responsibility from her to everyone else in the scenario DESPITE her admitting her scapegoating a small child for her own shortcomings.

Hands up mumsnetters. Who here is a SM and puts the DH child/children before their bio DC?
If you're not a SM, imagine you are. Now hand on heart would you REALLY put the DSC before your own DC?
That is what the OP is having to do. And yes EVERY weekend is unreasonable. The mother doesn't want her own child on a weekend...... THAT is the little boy's bad parent NOT the OP who has taken him everywhere but is burned out with it all, his behaviour and that of the Ex.

I love how people like you think I give a shit that you think me vile.

I do not. If I cared I wouldn't be so honest. I'd hide it like IRL and no one would know.

My SD is not some angel just because she happens to be a SC. She also grew up with lots of involvement from her DH AND Me! When she was at ours and at her DM it was all about her - she grew up spoiled and entitled. She basically wanted to be a passive aggressive bitch to me for reasons I can't fathom, and for her DF to choose her over me and our DC. So yes I hate her. And I don't care. She's in her 30s and I can live with it, just like I would if I hated any other adult!
Her DF chose me. If I'd have been out of line he may have chosen her but he chose me. He loves her unconditionally because it's his DD but he knows and acknowledges that she's quite unpleasant.

Another child hater here. But you’re spot on with “it’s never the poor sc fault” because ur never is. NONE OF THIS IS THE CHILDS FAULT. NONE. He’s not “golden child” either he’s being passed pillar to post like no one wants him and OP is making it worse by hating on him too. How is that golden child? You are awful.

Your user name is very accurate.
Because you are....... Bizarre.

If you felt secure in your husband's love, you'd just pity her or feel nothing for her.

Don’t think you should be having any more children the way you speak about them. You’re cold.

🍪

I've noticed that people who have affairs will often talk about it like it was something that just happened to them on its own and not as though it was something they engineered and chose. The step parents who loathe their step children often sound the same. Talk of "breaking free" and "being made to put up with them", as if this guy with kids just fell on them like a cage trap.

SDhell, oof, touched a nerve didn't I?

It's evident from your hate-filled diatribe that your SD is much more of a victim of you than vice versa.

Still actively wishing that girl luck 🍀.

It’s absolutely fine for a woman to celebrate breaking free from a situation that was making her unhappy. Whether it involves kids or not.

A lot of the time in these step situations, the stepmum is fed up because of a one or two arsehole adults (the parents) who make stepparenting a hard slog for her. I would high five any woman breaking free from a toxic situation like that.

A lot of the time in these step situations, the stepmum is fed up because of a one or two arsehole adults (the parents) who make stepparenting a hard slog for her. I would high five any woman breaking free from a toxic situation like that.

They don't, though, because they still want to keep the man. Even though he's hugely responsible for the mess.

We considering most people don't meet their potential SC until it's too late, then yes. Also some of these DC are lovely when they're younger but as they grow up become more of a problem.

What's "too late"? Too late for what? You marry or move in with a guy without meeting his kids? When does it get too late to leave a relationship that's not compatible with you?

No you didn't. It just amazes me the ignorance on here of how the real world actually works. In a few minutes I'll think nothing more about you or your insignificant comments. Bye

You've fallen for them. If I had met my in-laws even before I'd got in too deep I would have not married him. SD wasn't a problem then but with hindsight I'd have not got involved with a man who already had a DC full stop.

You've fallen for them.

And that makes it impossible to end the relationship and absolves you of all responsibility for everything you do going forward?

Like I said, if the child is so evil but still isn't enough to put you off the man, he must be the sexiest, most lovable man alive. Lucky you, huh?

It’s like all bad relationships then. The woman sticks around, perhaps because sadly it feels easier to do so. Can’t imagine stepparenting is very fun when she’s got to that point in her relationship to be honest.

None of that is the child's fault.

Oh I feel plenty secure. He chose me. But I resent her behaviour and I am angry for all the wasted years and effort on her. She was under my skin and I cared about her but shat all over our relationship. So yeah the hate comes from the fact I cared. Like it does in any other relationship that goes wrong.

Yeah, high level relationship security talking there.