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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Child maintenance payments going up

244 replies

C96x · 21/08/2023 11:23

Hi everyone,

I’m abit stumped here- my other half’s CSA payments have gone up since his daughter no longer wants to come to stay with us(age 9) we respect her wishes even though it’s not nice to not be able to see her due to location.
His CSA payments have gone up which quite right but they have gone up so much that we now are making ends meet- I get that she is now full time with her mum but I really do not agree with the amounts CSA agree too especially when we have mortgage to pay for. This will also impact if she ever does want to come over as we won’t have the money like we used to, to go places/ days out etc…

Mum has other children who she gets CSA payments for as well as child benefit, they also receive free school meals too (she’s an open person). as well as living with parents.

there’s probably nothing we can do here but do CSA take in to count mortgage payments when it comes to earnings? my partner has had access/ overnight stays since she was 1 so all of sudden to have this extra increase each month outgoing now it’s a shock to the system. any advice would be appreciated!

Just to add Dad will pay what he is expected too always has and always will

OP posts:
FarEast · 21/08/2023 15:28

CSA payments really do not cover anywhere near half of what it actually costs to raise a child. Either you or your DH (or both of you) will need to look at earning more. He has a fundamental responsibility to support the child he fathered.

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2023 15:28

The key to all of this is why doesn’t she want to see her father anymore and listen to whatever brutal answer she gives.

Did this come to a head when the toddler was moved into her room? Is it just you guys have more rules or is she expected to be invisible? Did her and her father ever have a good relationship before you and the baby?

Once you can fix the relationship between child and parent then overnights might happen again. But apart from that, no he shouldn’t be paying less than the minimum as it’s that a minimum.

Azerothi · 21/08/2023 15:33

Why did your boyfriend want to live so far from his daughter? Did the distance have a bearing on his 9 year old daughter's decision?

neilyoungismyhero · 21/08/2023 15:48

Holy shit, the OP asked a particular question and her whole life gets dissected. The child doesn't want to come to the house - why is not anyone's business. How they are all dealing with it is the same.

It seems to me on MN you're in a shitty relationship and it's LTB you will cope somehow you will meet someone else and all that waffle...so you do...you become a blended family and you try to manage it - you ask for advice but now you're the bad person trying to negotiate the finances and navigate around the ins and outs of second families. You have a modest house with your 1 child and you have to sacrifice everything on the altar of your stepchild who doesn't really give a shit.
It's a great life isn't it?

Oneforjoy · 21/08/2023 15:48

@FarEast
They shouldn’t really cover as much as half given that both parents have to pay for homes, bills, etc.

We make sure that DSC have everything they need here so they’re not taking things back and forth including coats, boots, clothes, etc.

When you take all that into account, NRP shouldn’t have to pay half of the costs of DC when they’re with RP.

Keeping in mind that the NRP may not have been paying half when they were together given that everyone’s salaries differ.

The system doesn’t really work in anyone’s favour as it’s not tailored on a case by case basis.

huggiess · 21/08/2023 15:51

neilyoungismyhero · 21/08/2023 15:48

Holy shit, the OP asked a particular question and her whole life gets dissected. The child doesn't want to come to the house - why is not anyone's business. How they are all dealing with it is the same.

It seems to me on MN you're in a shitty relationship and it's LTB you will cope somehow you will meet someone else and all that waffle...so you do...you become a blended family and you try to manage it - you ask for advice but now you're the bad person trying to negotiate the finances and navigate around the ins and outs of second families. You have a modest house with your 1 child and you have to sacrifice everything on the altar of your stepchild who doesn't really give a shit.
It's a great life isn't it?

Couldn't agree more. Stepparent's are treated like utter shit on this site !

Oneforjoy · 21/08/2023 15:52

@OhmygodDont
You have asked OP questions regarding her DSD not wanting to visit, all of which are reason in the NRP home ie blaming dad’s house.

DSC is nine, she might just want to be out with friends. She might have a hobby that takes her away most weekends. It might be parental alienation on mum’s part.

Either way, it’s nothing to do with us. If OP wanted advice as to their relationship with DSD then she’d have started a thread on it.

LifesIsABeach · 21/08/2023 15:57

Start having her again and payments will go down.

TeleTropes · 21/08/2023 16:00

Does your DC cost you more than £100 per week? If so, you’re getting a bargain.

Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 16:00

huggiess · 21/08/2023 15:51

Couldn't agree more. Stepparent's are treated like utter shit on this site !

Show quote history

Thanks for your comment I appreciate it!
i would do anything to see her again and for her to have the relationship she had with her Dad. I’ve been around for the last 8 years and know they love each other very much- me also, she is missed!

I posted as I just wondered if there was anything that was able to reduce payments we never said he wasn’t going to pay it and we will deal with it; but there maybe some options we haven’t seeked?

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 21/08/2023 16:03

£400 really dies not go very far at all. Also, as pps have said, the csa amount is the bare minimum. Of course a mortgage has no relevance here.

Lovehearts82 · 21/08/2023 16:06

C96x · 21/08/2023 16:00

Thanks for your comment I appreciate it!
i would do anything to see her again and for her to have the relationship she had with her Dad. I’ve been around for the last 8 years and know they love each other very much- me also, she is missed!

I posted as I just wondered if there was anything that was able to reduce payments we never said he wasn’t going to pay it and we will deal with it; but there maybe some options we haven’t seeked?

Show quote history

If all the cms info is correct then I don't see any other option but to pay the amount set. Exactly how much extra is the increase per month?

nationallampoons · 21/08/2023 16:11

My ex cannot afford CMS either but went on to have more children. That I don't understand

Ollifer · 21/08/2023 16:26

I'm surprised at 9 years old he's accepting pretty much no contact, I'm made to send my daughter to her father's 50 percent of the time even though she doesn't want to ever go so I'm guessing he's just not persuing contact for whatever reason

Thewizardbinbag · 21/08/2023 16:32

No, of course you cannot reduce it. CMS is already stupidly low. He is getting off very lightly when it comes to supporting his child. Learn to deal with it.

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2023 17:16

Oneforjoy · 21/08/2023 15:52

@OhmygodDont
You have asked OP questions regarding her DSD not wanting to visit, all of which are reason in the NRP home ie blaming dad’s house.

DSC is nine, she might just want to be out with friends. She might have a hobby that takes her away most weekends. It might be parental alienation on mum’s part.

Either way, it’s nothing to do with us. If OP wanted advice as to their relationship with DSD then she’d have started a thread on it.

Well I mean the mum could be a mega arse. I’m not wanting op to actually answer me as to why. But at 9 it’s not normally a huge social life there’s normally an issue.

Flopsythebunny · 21/08/2023 17:17

huggiess · 21/08/2023 15:51

Couldn't agree more. Stepparent's are treated like utter shit on this site !

Show quote history

When they come here trying to find ways of reducing child maintenance I'm not surprised

MeridianB · 21/08/2023 17:17

Snugglemonkey · 21/08/2023 16:03

£400 really dies not go very far at all. Also, as pps have said, the csa amount is the bare minimum. Of course a mortgage has no relevance here.

I agree that in many cases CMS amounts are derisory.

But money from the NRP is supposed to cover half the living costs for a child, with the other half met by the RP. So are you saying that £800 doesn't cover the living costs of a 9yo for one month?

Flopsythebunny · 21/08/2023 17:18

nationallampoons · 21/08/2023 16:11

My ex cannot afford CMS either but went on to have more children. That I don't understand

That has nothing to do with how much the child's father has to contribute

Flopsythebunny · 21/08/2023 17:19

Sorry National, I missread that

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/08/2023 17:21

Flopsythebunny · 21/08/2023 17:18

That has nothing to do with how much the child's father has to contribute

Show quote history

It does if the dad reduces his payments which the calculator allows.

Baconisdelicious · 21/08/2023 17:22

Stepparent's are treated like utter shit on this site

you read this, then?

No way should she able to get more money from him, I wouldn’t be suprised OP if the mum found this out and planted the seed in your sd’s head she doesn’t want to go. I know several mums who would do this for money so they don’t have to work and can scrounge from benefits and their childrens fathers

because mum’s are nothing more than scroungers Confused. There’s a heck of a lot of weirdly thought out hatred going on here.

Snoken · 21/08/2023 19:36

MeridianB · 21/08/2023 17:17

I agree that in many cases CMS amounts are derisory.

But money from the NRP is supposed to cover half the living costs for a child, with the other half met by the RP. So are you saying that £800 doesn't cover the living costs of a 9yo for one month?

Show quote history

There are a lot of less obvious costs that comes with having your child full time. You have to cover all school holidays, work less hours to fit around school (also affects pension/progression) or pay for additional hours, pay for babysitter if you want to do anything by yourself etc. You also sacrifice all of your time, which is a non-monetary cost.

The average cost of raising a child in the UK is £938, so he’s not even covering half the cost of the average child.

Oneforjoy · 21/08/2023 19:39

@Snoken
NRP shouldn’t have to pay half, refer to my PP

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/08/2023 19:46

MeridianB · 21/08/2023 17:17

I agree that in many cases CMS amounts are derisory.

But money from the NRP is supposed to cover half the living costs for a child, with the other half met by the RP. So are you saying that £800 doesn't cover the living costs of a 9yo for one month?

Show quote history

Maintenance isn’t meant to cover half of the costs - its said on here all the time but it’s an absolute myth.

Maintenance is a percentage share of the NRP’s income to give the child a lifestyle of their parents income. Otherwise maintenance would be a flat amount. The child of a higher earner should have a lifestyle akin to that - obviously the child of a NRP premier league footballer would have a different life to a NRP cleaner.

£400 is the contribution that NRP is to make on their income. That doesn’t mean the child’s lifestyle will cost £800 - it may be more or less depending on the RP’s contribution.