Child maintenance payments going up

[C96x]

Hi everyone,

I’m abit stumped here- my other half’s CSA payments have gone up since his daughter no longer wants to come to stay with us(age 9) we respect her wishes even though it’s not nice to not be able to see her due to location.
His CSA payments have gone up which quite right but they have gone up so much that we now are making ends meet- I get that she is now full time with her mum but I really do not agree with the amounts CSA agree too especially when we have mortgage to pay for. This will also impact if she ever does want to come over as we won’t have the money like we used to, to go places/ days out etc…

Mum has other children who she gets CSA payments for as well as child benefit, they also receive free school meals too (she’s an open person). as well as living with parents.

there’s probably nothing we can do here but do CSA take in to count mortgage payments when it comes to earnings? my partner has had access/ overnight stays since she was 1 so all of sudden to have this extra increase each month outgoing now it’s a shock to the system. any advice would be appreciated!

Just to add Dad will pay what he is expected too always has and always will

You are not married right?
If you were wound your income be taken into account as household income and therefore CM payments would increase further?

£40k take home is a £65k gross.

CMS is calculated at 16% of salary.

I despair of people believing and justifying that this is enough to contribute to a child's upbringing.

It is the bare minimum the government set to contribute to the costs of the child. The bare minimum. It is not a lot of money when taking into account the real costs of upbringing.

This is rubbish. CMS payments take only the income of the parent into account.

I asked a question!!!
Keep your knickers on

So he is paying £400 out of £3.3k and you want it reduced?

No we get nothing now, she’s made her choice and there’s nothing we can do.
my partner went to see her on her birthday and they send texts now and then/ play on PlayStation together but she has no intention of coming to the house again and when offered to go see her like meet up (we live 1.5hours away) Both father and mum get the answer no and unfortunately the mum seems that as acceptable reasoning. Like I said a story for another thread :(

It is acceptable reasoning. What would you like her Mum to do? Force her to come to you?

40k take home is £3300 per month. Less the Payment for his child you have £2900 to live on, plus your wage? Even if nursery fees cost the equivalent of your full wage you still have nearly 3k per month to live on.

You say it’s for another thread and that’s your prerogative but there is plenty he could do.

Would you just accept your child refusing to ever see you again in a few years?! I wouldn’t. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to have a relationship with my children and see them as much as possible.

I find his passive acceptance of this completely mind boggling.

He doesn’t accept it, but there’s nothing he can do? yes she is 9 but forcing her in a car and making her upset is not what he wants - as said in previous posts he has contact via phone/ gaming but when asking to see her and spend time with her she says no.
please tell me what can he do? (There is a court order for arrangements too but he is listening to what his daughter wants)

So basically he’s just not bothering and badging that as “listening to his child”. At 9 my DS wanted McDonalds every night and to not have to brush his teeth - 9 year olds don’t always have to be listened to

His 40k take home, plus your wage, is considerably more than many people have. There are lots of good budgeting threads on here if you need help with that.

OP didn’t ask for her finances to be torn apart, she’s asking if there’s a way of reducing it. They could have had DSD 50/50 previously and cut their cloth accordingly, not many people hold money back in case their DC cuts contact, moves away, etc.

We don’t know how much debt they have, etc…ironically, my DP had a lot of debt from court fees he had to pay in order to see his child.

FWIW, I wouldn’t let your DSD call the shots on not seeing her dad though. She’s too young to understand the ramifications of her decision.

they do nit account for mortgage , they account for him having a extra child living with him , is that already being taken into consideration?
Personally o would be pushing him to sort out his relationship with his daughter and assuming you , a 9 year old should see no the parents .

What he could do is travel to where she is and say I'll be in X (park, mcdonalds, whatever is near, even sat in the car) between y time and z time, I hope you'll come and see me. And do it consistently, so she knows he wants to see her and is going to keep trying to see her and be there for her even if she doesn't want to see him. He shouldn't force her in the car or sit directly outside the house or guilt trip her, but just make it clear he's there and he will be at the same time, on the same day, whatever his usual contact time is.

Is he going to visit her just for a few hours?

if you live 1.5 hours away, she can’t have been staying at yours that much to begin with, so is the change in maintenance really that big of an adjustment?

If the mother is just accepting her child doesn’t want to go, and is not working with the father to try and fix the situation. No way should she able to get more money from him, I wouldn’t be suprised OP if the mum found this out and planted the seed in your sd’s head she doesn’t want to go. I know several mums who would do this for money so they don’t have to work and can scrounge from benefits and their childrens fathers 🤢

If you think it’s an enormous increase you could go on the website and get a rough calculation to see if it looks correct? If it’s 40k after pension, tax, allowances etc he’s on quite a high salary though.

she may be 9 but how can you force a child to see a parent. I imagine forcing will further damage the relationship. Something is going on but you may well not want to reveal all details here! If I was him I may just travel the hour and a half and see if she’ll go out for a coffee or something. Even if it’s a no it showing he’s prioritising her

You can’t force a child to see someone-not at that age. I opted not to see my dad at 9. It was all too stressful and I got horribly homesick. There was no abuse or anything like that. It went to court, social worker etc, and my wishes were upheld. I have a good relationship with my dad now.
If someone had forced me to go, it would have been miserable for all concerned, so those who are saying he’s not doing enough, maybe your DP is actually listening to his daughter.

CMS is calculated at 16% of salary.

It's disgracefully low.

Does clothing, housing, feeding and otherwise providing for your two year old cost less than 16% of your partners salary?

I don't think your DP will improve his relationship with his older child at the same time as trying to wiggle out of paying the full amount he should for her maintenance.

Thank you appreciate your comment, thought I was mad for what I was asking advice on for a moment!!

Has he declared your two year old to the CMS? Another resident child has a slight impact on payment.

Probably best to check as they can be quite useless.

As to what you are meant to do to see her, I agree it's easy to say these things but harder in practice. You could push it through court but you need money for that and if she doesn't want to be there, what's the point. These things aren't always black and white.

I agree, OP, you cant strong arm her into the car. Keep up whatever contact there is digitally and the idea of your DP saying “I will come to your town on the first day of every month and be in the pret on the high street if you want to meet” might be good

Yes, because everyone know children who don't want to play happy families with their dads new kids, deserve to live in poverty and not receive even the (pitifully low) legal minimum. Only kids who are faultlessly pleasant and run yelling "daddy, my daddy dear" at every opertunity really need feeding.

Op- as your child is 2 and (presumably) spent the first year in your room, I'm wondering if DSD not wanting to come (8 months ago), was around the time baby moved into the second bedroom? Because in the mind of an insecure 8yo, that could easily look like 'her room' become 'babies room, where she stays' and lead to her feeling pushed out. Not saying it's nessercerily wrong for them to share, but if you can work out the emotions at play, they it's easier to work out what actions / reassurance might be needed

You will get tore apart on here for this. Second families are expected to be destitute.

In short you can't really reduce it. £400 is correct for a £40k gross wage. deductions from this will be his pension and 1% for the child he has living with you. Make sure cms have calculated that and made the deductions accordingly. They are notorious for ballsing things up (for resident and non-resident parents!).
You could live separate, his obligation would go up to 15% but be halved between the two children but then if he hasn't got a relative to live with he'd have rent etc.

He could increase his pension contributions but wouldn't see a benefit until he was to start taking his pension.

He should really go back to court though and try to get his access reinstated. I'd hazard a guess from your vague replies that it suits mum for dad not to have contact so she is supporting this and therefore getting more maintenance.

How often did you have her before?